really cool how my brother is saying he is gonna physically throw me out of the house lol

you will one day meet someone
who can paint the stars from memory with
a tongue that can sing birds down from the
trees and a heart big enough to house
eternity, four chambers and so full of
love for every other person, four chambers
and so incredibly
rotten

they will hate themselves with a force
you will not be able to counter. they will
ruin their bodies and minds and hold
their souls hostage and you will watch
and try to scramble to knit their bones
back together and maybe it will work for
a little but it won’t work forever because

depression doesn’t care about love. self-hate doesn’t
listen to compliments. doubt doesn’t allow you
to pack it in boxes. anxiety will chew their skin
no matter how many times you chase it away.
the voices will come back, if not now, then
one day

and maybe this feels like you’re stuck watching someone
self-destruct, but the truth is, even if their brain is ripping
them to shreds, even if depression doesn’t care: that kid
does. it might be loud in their head, but you’re the only
source of quietness. they might push you away but i
promise it’s only because they don’t think they deserve
such a good friend. come back. come back. come back
for them.

the truth is, if someone takes that final step, it’s not
your fault. i swear. they stayed as long as they could
because of you. they kept themselves here against
everything just because you kept giving them hope
and courage to fight.

because when everything suddenly lines up and it looks like
the only way out of this world is at the base of a gun, they
will count their cavalrymen, every one. they will count
their mother and father and sister and brother and they will
count you among the soldiers and they will stand your love
like a lion against the oncoming wave and they will say
“i’m not alone. tonight, i stay.”

—  He couldn’t love himself, so I loved him enough for both of us. It wasn’t enough.” /// r.i.d
No one can understand what it’s like to be depressed unless they’ve been through it themselves. For people that haven’t experienced depression, all they see is, “Okay you’re depressed. Whatever. I get depressed all the time and get up and what I have to do anyway. “What people don’t realize is yes, everyone gets depressed. Everyone has those days where they’re down and just don’t want to get out of bed but clinical depression is when it doesn’t go away. When that fog that’s weighing you down never lets up. You can’t just get over that. You need help to get through it. Because it is a sickness. It’s just as real as a twitch or a limp or a stutter, the only difference is that people can’t see it when they look at you. People don’t understand how much it affects every aspect of your life.
It kills you slowly inside and out.
—  Skitzreads1D- oh so you think you’re depressed?
LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING

YOU CAN BE SAD NO MATTER HOW GOOD OF A LIFE YOU HAVE

"OHHH BUT YOUR LIFE IS FINE YOU HAVE THIS AND THIS AND DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT"

NO

NO, NONONONO.

LET ME EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU

IT’S LIKE HAVING A REALLY NICE SHIRT, OKAY? BUT LET’S SAY YOU GET A STAIN ON THAT SHIRT. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS?

YOU MIGHT FEEL A LOT OF THINGS. THESE INCLUDE HUMILIATED, EMBARRASSED, DISAPPOINTED, FRUSTRATED, ANGRY. LIKE YOUR DAY HAS BEEN RUINED.

YOU CAN’T SAY “OH, AT LEAST YOU HAVE A REALLY NICE SHIRT”

IT IS MESSED UP. IT HAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO? YOU TRY TO HIDE IT. YOU TRY TO GET RID OF IT. YOU DON’T WANT ANYONE TO SEE THE STAIN ON THAT REALLY NICE SHIRT. YOU PROBABLY WANT TO CHANGE INTO A DIFFERENT SHIRT

SEE WHAT I’M GETTING AT HERE?

SOMETIMES WE HAVE SMALL STAINS THAT ARE NO BIG DEAL. WE CAN JUST PUT SOME WATER ON IT AND IT DRIES OFF AND IT’S GONE

BUT OTHERS

WE CAN’T.

DO YOU SEE

WHAT

I

FUCKING

MEAN???????

YOU CAN HAVE [INSERT ANY APPLICABLE EMOTION/MENTAL STATE/MENTAL ISSUE] WHETHER YOU’RE PRETTY OR HAVE FOOD OR WATER OR SHELTER AVAILABLE

OKAY?????

Alright so I might just say screw everything to this whole hiatus thing because it’s messing up with my mind. I get all my work done which is good but I go to bed around 10 now because no kpop and I usually stay up pretty late because of tumblr. Since no tumblr and no updates on idols I’ve been having terrifying nightmares every time I sleep and I cry a lot because there’s no pictures of my bias’ to make me feel better or calm me down when I’m overwhelmed. Also there is no one I can talk to when I’m not on tumbIr or on my phone. I realize how lonely of a person I am without tumblr. I think hiatus’ aren’t my thing.

i should be SLEEPING not CRYING

my medicine makes me feel physically sick when I take it but when I don’t take it I feel mentally sick …either way I hurt

i just want to scoop up hagar dead and pull her out of the story and get her actual doctors and no boys treating her badly and no one acting like her violence is something she can control and she needs so much love

I have been feeling kinda alone lately. And not the kind kind where im physically alone. The kind where when you’re hanging out with people and you still feel alone. All the people who I don’t feel alone around are either really far away or have been busy lately. This is problematic. I feel sick mentally.

I am so anxious about school yet I’ve only been there for two weeks. The pressure is coming back and it’s the worst thing ever and I feel like such a failure already i don’t know how i am gonna make it through this year. I feel like i can’t handle it because I will fail, and even if I succeed I know my grades won’t be good enough and I know that even if i work harder it won’t be enoigh because I’m just not smart enough

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