i cried at this part

i remember
our giddy conversations
long messages sent over long distances
i remember
talking about meeting you
and fantasizing about when wed be in each others arms
i remember
the first time you said “im in love with you”
and how i almost cried i was so excited
i remember
sharing some of the darkest parts of my soul with you
and you sharing yours back
to this day
i dont think ive trusted anyone more than you
i remember
how i obsessively refreshed my inbox
anxiously awaiting a new message from you
i remember
how strong our connection was
and how we talked every second we could
how we were there for each other when it mattered
how we said i love you in every message
because we didnt know when wed be able to say it again
i remember
thinking about you every second of every day
even when the bad thoughts drowned everything else out
you were still there
supporting me
telling me you loved me
no matter what
i remember
when we moved from inboxing each other
to instant messaging
we were so excited
and we could finally talk at any time
and all of the time
i remember
wishing each other good night
talking constantly
and sending long messages about how much we loved each other
hoe much we needed to see one another
i remember
not calling you by name with my friends
because i wanted to keep you all to myself
but i still talked about you nonstop nonetheless
i remember
when we started to drift apart
when talking seemed like a chore
and we didnt feel the same anymore
i remember
when we apologized more than fantasized
and the ‘i love you’s were empty
just like our eyes
and the rest of our conversations
i remember
when you got drunk
and sent me explicit texts
how it made me retreat back into myself
because i felt like i wasnt anything more to you
than an object
i remember
how we rarely messaged each other
because i didnt have the heart
to tell you that you hurt me
i remember
when she came along
and told me that she liked me
and how i felt like id be betraying you
if i told her i felt the same way
i remember
telling myself that we were already over
that you were long gone
that you already replaced me
with him
i remember
doubting if you ever really loved me
and how that doubt
seeped into my relationship with her
and poisoned it
so slowly that neither of us saw it coming
i remember all of this
but i dont hate you
even though im sure
that youve grown to hate me
even though
maybe she will too
—  im so sorry that i ruined things between us || 1/? notes about the girl i still love - a.a.

Usher: They didn’t really tell the story exactly the way it happened.  I saw you in the parking lot and you did not sing for me the first time but I did tell you something and what was that?
Justin: You told me if it was meant to be, we would meet again.
Usher: That’s right.  Now it’s your time.

2

I’ve known since we mind melded last summer in Bialya.

But that was before we even became a couple. Why didn’t you say anything?

I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.