October 1, 2009
- Delta Burke, meet Megan Fox. Megan Fox, meet your future.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 118
- WHAT HAPPENS IN ROBOT LAS VEGAS IS ERASED FROM THE DATA BANKS AND WRITTEN OVER SEVEN TIMES IMMEDIATELY UPON EXITING ROBOT LAS VEGAS.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 85
- "Why do I have to wear two pairs of underwear?" she asked as I buckled her car seat. "Be quiet dear," I said. "Daddy wants the leaderboard."
@weselec (Shane Cyr) – 76
- Google Wave seems like an ideal tool for collaborating on any project you’ll talk about a lot but never actually do.
@hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 74
- Hey everyone. I’ve started this petition that is going to force Twitter to allow us to make posts that are 141 characters long. Who’s with m
@blankslate (Alex) – 69
- Don’t think for one moment that I won’t ruin this family for our own reality television show.
@thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 69
- Hey! What’d I say about playing in Daddy’s opium den? Yeah, I don’t remember, either.
@fireland (Joshua Allen) – 68
- I really need to study right now so it’s imperative that my cats get this dance routine down quickly so I can get back to it.
@baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 65
- The best part about our make-up sex is the fighting.
@roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 63
- iPhone: bip-BEEP
Me: Play…album…”Born to Run”
iPhone: Why don’t you just gaymarry Bruce?
Me: Shut UP
iPhone: Playing album “Born to Run”
@hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 58
- Ask not what a Klondike bar would do for you, but what you would do for a Klondike bar.
@aedison (Avery Edison) – 54
- Me: Stop selling Peet’s?
Whole Foods gal: Yeah, they’re not a… moral company.
M: Their CEO’s against health care?
M: Good coffee
@gruber (John Gruber) – 54
- "Dad? If God made us, then who made God?" I stared at him, knowing my answer could guide his life forever… "Shut-up and eat your Cheetos."
@FriedWords (Derek) – 53
- Accidentally deleting 40G of music is actually pretty freeing, what with the pants-shitting and all.
@kellydeal (kellydeal) – 52
- THESE ARE PRESCRIPTION COOKIES!!
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 52
- My penis just popped out the slit of my boxers, I think that was the best sex I had all month.
I need a cigarette.
@GPappalardo (Soap Box Liberal) – 52
- The politically correct term is ‘predatory facial hair’, not ‘molestache’. However, if you insist, I suppose you can call it my ‘moistache’.
@Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 51
- When talking to blind people, it’s very important to give feedback. That’s why I say “I see” to them a lot—it lets them know I’m not blind.
@plaid_lemur (Nick Alias Plemur) – 51
- IN ROBOT LAS VEGAS, ALL HOOKERS HAVE A HEART OF GOLD. GOLD IS AN EXCELLENT CONDUCTOR OF ELECTRICITY.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 50
- If by “wrong side of the bed”, you mean “bathroom floor”, then yes. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
@Aimee_B_Loved (Aimee B) – 49