I was going to write something here about the sheer brilliance of Merlin’s new project but then I came across this and I want to bask in the sheer brilliance of this.

These words are the final layer on the portrait of my future I’ve been painting in my mind for the past six months. 

I need this framed or stitched or tattooed or permanently etched in my brain. 

Any time you identify by what you are not, for myself, when you determine your politics and rights based on what you are not, I think you’re not on the road to empowerment. I think you’re on the road to systematically, mindfully marginalizing yourself.
—  Merlin Mann, Roderick On The Line
"You Look Nice Today" poster now available!

* Posters are slowly leaking out of a very expensive printer in the back of a local print shop *



You can now show off to your “friends” how cool you are.

How you ask?

Well with this fancy piece of paper that displays your love for two and half men (HA!) who speak about nonsense life stuff for half an hour.

How much will your wallet suffer for this great life improvement?

A mere 30$ canuck bucks (+S&H).

So why are you still reading this?

Did I mention only 50 of these are available?

If I were you I would skip reading this lame attempt at comedy and would clicky-di-click on that big poster that you saw at the beginning of this post. How can you not click on a big red button? I have one next to my desk. I need to press it every 108 minutes to keep my mexicans in Taiwan fed with vasts amounts of sweet corn.

You should buy my poster →

Much love,


February 28, 2009

  1. "World Music" is a genre like "Anybody Who’s Not All Pasty-Looking" is a race.
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 54
  2. Why do characters on tv only hang out with people they work with? Do they live in Hell?
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 50
  3. "Massage relaxes the mom and should be performed in much the same environment as the baby was conceived." Great. Taco Bell parking lot.
    @awryone (Josh Donoghue) – 46
  4. Seven Deadly Sins (updated): PWN’D, NOM, FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU, WANT, WANT, WANT, and meh.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 45
  5. Profoundly funny tweet #1260351715 (?)
    @luckyshirt (Unavailable) – 39
  6. i hope someone teaches me a grammar lesson at a bus stop, so one day i can tell my kid all about what i learned on the streets.
    @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 38
  7. You can’t help but be disturbed when an email from your mother contains simply the line: “Rebooted the internet - everything fine now.”
    @secretsquirrel (Ryan Bateman) – 37
  8. After we explain what a bookmark is to Leta, she goes, “So it’s the thing you use to pause a book. I get it.”
    @dooce (Heather B. Armstrong) – 37
  9. Yesterday: Used poor grammar on multiple occasions.

    Today: Hiding from grammar zombies in the attic.

    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 36
  10. Profoundly funny tweet #1260577985 (?)
    @cleversimon (Unavailable) – 34

Read More

I’m so excited. Todd’s mother is shipping all of his X-Men comics here and I’ve been put in charge of selling them on eBay. They are all in mint condition, in acid free wrapping and all that stuff and there are some issues that will fetch a pretty penny.

He’s not keeping the money. He’s going to give whatever he makes to his mother because she paid off his student loan ages ago. 

I am just excited at the prospect of checking out all this old stuff and taking pictures of everything and putting them here for Merlin to see.

March 27, 2009
  1. Our marriage counselor just put a switchblade on the table, left the room, and locked the door. What do you guys think I — omg she’s fast
    @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 87
  2. "Face down, ass up" embroidered on pillows. "Stop actin’ like a bitch and throw your hands up" carved in driftwood. I need an etsy account.
    @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 73
  3. thinks you should consider abandoning that third-person present-tense verb idiom you picked up on Facebook.
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 70
  4. If the medical profession really wanted to be dicks, they’d add a new letter to ADHD every year.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 63
  5. Him: I like the glasses. Very sexy librarian.

    Me: If you don’t return your books, I’ll charge late fees.

    Him: You’re not doing it right.
    @shoesonwrong (Annie) – 58
  6. Things I’m glad I never experimented with: cigarettes, cocaine, Lotus Notes, Nickelback.
    @Moltz (Moltz) – 51
  7. My disaster preparedness plan involves duct tape and prepared people.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 49
  8. SB: Name?
    Me: ‘Çedilla.’ And, yes: that IS with a cedilla.
    SB: (scribbling on cup) Just listen for, “soy latte,” okay? Next.
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 49
  9. I’ll never forget the day I chose my heterosexual lifestyle.
    @zeldman (Jeffrey Zeldman) – 49
  10. Dear Coffee Shop: It’s 8:47. Why the eff aren’t you open yet? I need caffeine almost as much as you’re gonna need a new front window.
    @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 47
  11. Madonna plans to adopt again. Call me old fashioned, but a child needs both a mother and an emasculated boy toy father.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 46
  12. Twitter: because you’d get fired if you had these conversations in the workplace.
    @Moltz (Moltz) – 46
  13. Without MUNI, it’d be way harder to find a guy yelling at his burrito while the lady next to him trims her toenails.
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 43
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 41
  15. The clowns are coming from INSIDE THE CAR!
    @seanhussey (Sean Hussey) – 39
  16. Apparently tweeting about syphilis lead to me losing a lot of followers, so for clarity: I don’t have it and you can’t get it that way.
    @bsheepies (k-a-t-e) – 38
  17. Just once I want to hear a woman accidentally say ‘checkmate’ to a marriage proposal.
    @DieLaughing (J. Adam Moore) – 37
  18. When you call to explain the email you sent me, all I hear is “Hi! This is Death! I’m this much closer! Ha ha! You’re not boogie-boarding!”
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 37
  19. U.S. officials keep repeating that they don’t think Mexico is a “failed state.” So far, Mexico hasn’t returned the compliment.
    @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 37
  20. According to the New York Times, @guykawasaki is occasionally manned by two people who are not Guy Kawasaki.

    That’s right. Ghostdouches.
    @TBMimsTheThird (cwthethird) – 35
October 19, 2009
  1. They should make a Saw movie where the torture is to watch the other Saw movies.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 143
  2. That was cynical. I apologize, SEOs.

    apologies, apology, sorry, best apology, cheap apology, horny apology
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 132
  3. Unfollowing me over *whitespace*?

    You mean that whitespace I left on your Mom?
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 105
  4. Screw the Mayan calendar. This Dilbert desk calendar speaks of nothing beyond December 31, 2009.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 94
  5. 5 imaginary football positions that sound real to me:

    1. Rear end.
    2. Stain guard.
    3. Finger snapper.
    4. Defensive retort.
    5. Markie post.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 63
  6. If I believed in karma, all of this bad luck would make sense. Instead I’m blaming minorities like grandma always did.
    @roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 61
  7. "Wow, this is a dirty kitchen!" exclaimed our 5-year-old’s friend, here for a playdate. Still, he finished his bowl of lead paint chips.
    @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 60
  8. I went to the church pot luck, but I don’t think anything actually had pot in it except for the brownies I brought.
    @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 59
  9. Patriots win 59-0.

    There hasn’t been that wide a spread since your mom in ‘76.
    @Trick_or_tweet (Miss Creant) – 55
  10. Birdhouse star taxonomy need not be in order of quality. Mine are:

    ★ racist?
    ★★ pun/stolen
    ★★★ BEES!
    ★★★★ racist pun
    ★★★★★ fake drunk
    @biorhythmist (boorhythmist) – 53
  11. Now I’m looking forward to a movie adaptation of ‘Goodnight Moon.’ I’d like to see Tom Hanks as the bowl full of mush.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 53
  12. You complete me, but only because I was too lazy to do it myself.
    @roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 50
  13. "Turn nuggets halfway though cooking"?
    Look, I’m microwaving dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, not training to become the next Emeril Lagasse
    @tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 49
  14. When life gives you lemons, maybe you deserve lemons. Life doesn’t hand out reasonless lemons. Some of us are pretty tired of your lemonade.
    @secretsquirrel (Ryan Patrick Batem) – 49
  15. Attempted to get out of a ticket by finding a common ground with the officer, so I showed him I had a similar gun in my glovebox.

    Bad idea.
    @JephKelley (Jeff Kelley) – 48
  16. My weekend was great, thanks. It was like two solid days of you shutting the fuck up.
    @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 47
  17. When I get challenged to a match of ‘rock, paper, scissors’, I always win because on the count of three, I slap the person as hard as I can.
    @plaid_lemur (Nick Alias Plemur) – 43
  18. This salad tastes like despair. No, wait. That’s raddichio.
    @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 43
  19. These cookies are so good, you don’t need to get up for milk. It just flows from your own nipples.
    @BrilliantOrange (Chris Velazquez) – 41
  20. Seems like all of my friends want to be the same superhero for Halloween. And I’ve never even heard of “Mostly-Naked Girl.”
    @antichrista (Karate Khrista) – 41