homestuck liveblog

Act 5 Act 2 Part 4

Wow, this is sorta becoming a bi-monthly thing now… Eh, at least it’s consistent. A lot of busy stuff happening this month and in the foreseeable future, so I’ve only got an hour or so now to write; the post’ll be short and sweet!

Man, classic Egbert! I’m assuming that this was published before Cosby’s less respectable actions were revealed to the public, when he was still a besweatered, paternal media figure. Who is now also a computer.

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Yes, we finally switch to a character who is actually nice and competent and… not Vriska.

Seriously? What do you even see in her?  Also, that’s a serious question. Given what we’ve seen of Vriska so far I literally do not know why anyone would show any romantic interest in her.  Kanaya especially seems to have a better moral compass that would make her inclined not to be interested in somebody who does shit like paralyzing people, and mind-controlling people into murdering their romantic partners.  I can seriously only come up with two explanations:

1. Vriska is actually smoking hot, and the cartoony art style just doesn’t convey that.

2. Kanaya is a masochist.

Neither one of those strikes me as likely.  So there must be more of a story behind this.

ALRIGHT SO, AS I MENTIONED I’M CURRENTLY RE-READING THIS THING 

AND THE REASON WHY I’M DOING THIS IS… WELL, IT WAS MEANT TO BE PURELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF RE-REMEMBERING ALL THE SUBTLE AND NOT-SO-SUBTLE SHIT I FORGOT OVER THE PAST FEW… WEEKS. MONTHS. POSSIBLY YEARS. WHATEVER

AND I GOT REALLY INTO IT, LIKE, OK, WAIT A SECOND…

THIS IS WHAT I SEE EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND:

ALL OF THOSE NOTES ARE LIVEBLOG-RELATED.
PLOT POINTS THAT MUST BE REMEMBERED AT ANY COST.
FROG-RELATED EVIDENCE.
BUZZWORDS WITHOUT CONTEXT THAT SEEMED RELEVANT AT THE TIME AND WILL LIKELY STOP MEANING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING TO ME BEFORE THE WEEK IS OVER.
THAT’S NOT EVEN ALL OF THEM, TO BE HONEST.

THE POINT IS!!!

I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO COME UP WITH OR NOTICE ANYTHING NEW ON MY SECOND GO AROUND.

BUT I JUST GOT TO ACT 5.

AND I FEEL LIKE???
I FEEL LIKE HUSSIE, WITH NO EXPLANATION OR NOTICE OF HAVING DONE SO, PLACED SOMETHING AKIN TO A GIANT, INCREDIBLY DETAILED AND LIFE-LIKE BUST OF DANNY DEVITO IN THE ATTIC WHILE I WAS OUT

BECAUSE I’VE JUST DISCOVERED SOMETHING IN A FORMERLY FAMILIAR PLACE AND

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG IT’S BEEN THERE

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS PURPOSE IS

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT AND, FRANKLY, EVEN LOOKING AT IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL KINDS OF UNCOMFORTABLE
BUT IT’S THERE AND IT’S OMINOUS AND I MUST INVESTIGATE

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Oh, so there’s a literal X marking the spot. Clever.

Oh right. He has to meet Vriska in person.  Good luck with that. Also, it’s apparently a running theme that anybody using a rocket item has to crash through the wall rather than taking the time to actually land.

What in the actual fuck? Why is she sleeping? She was literally just talking to him, how is she asleep already? And why is she dressed as a fairy? I really hope that this isn’t leading toward what I think it is…

His bad day has just gotten a whole lot worse.


It appears Pupa Pan himself has flown through your window while you were asleep. How exciting! Surely he is here to take you away on the adventure of a lifetime. He is more dreamy and heroic than you ever imagined. 

Oh no. Seriously, after all of the shit she put him through she’s going to hit on him? Seriously?  Mixed signals much?   You’re just going to confuse the poor guy. And likely make him exceedingly uncomfortable. 

This raises all sorts of questions about their relationship now.  How long as she liked him?  Was her whole process of torturing the guy because he wouldn’t return her affections or something? Maybe he wasn’t interested for whatever reason, and she didn’t take it well.  Or maybe it’s some sort of weird reverse stockholm syndrome thing where she started to like him while she acted as his server player.  Shit, there might even be a grain of truth to her statements about how she just wanted to help him.

Granted she did so in a tremendously abusive and horrible way, and it also implies a terrifying degree of possessiveness that she feels entitled to basically control his life like this.  Seriously, healthy relationships do not involve physical assault, emotional abuse, insults, and all the other bullshit she’s putting him through. It’s like she’s trying to mold him into the type of guy she likes even though he doesn’t want to. Go figure, of course she would take a relationship and make it about herself. She probably only wants to “improve” him because she thinks she deserves better rather than because she actually cares about him.

Seriously, just let the poor bastard go. He doesn’t deserve this.


To be honest, you hardly know a damn thing about Pupa Pan. But you do not care. 

This is really pretty indicative of her attitude; she’s trying to impress him with this Pupa Pan shit, but she can’t be arsed to actually learn anything about it.

Yes, go right ahead and add sexual assault to your list of transgressions. It’s not like he isn’t fucking terrified of you right now.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT?  WHY?

This is just awkward as hell.

What the fuck?  You’ve spent your entire relationship with this guy assaulting him, belittling him, and generally treating him like shit, and then you’re angry at him because he isn’t receptive to your advances?  Come on, Vriska, if you would just admit that you shit the bed (or better yet, stop shitting in the bed in the first place) you might be able to make some progress.  To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, if you’re going the wrong direction, the only way to make progress is to turn around, not keep forging ahead in the direction you’re going.

Now this is just pathetic. And fucking disturbing.

Oh good, she realized that it’s completely meaningless if he has no say in the matter.  Hopefully she’ll get something of a better perspective now, but I’m not going to be too hopeful. Her track record at learning from her mistakes is pretty lousy.

DAMN this whole sequence was cringeworthy.  I just have to feel sorry for Tavros. Nobody should have to put up with this type of bullshit.

But if John is not into clowns, and DAD is not into clowns... WHO IS FURNISHING THE HOUSE?!

And for the the 345th time, I forget to save the game and take half an hour to get back to the right point.

FROM WHO?!? …It begins to dawn on me that maybe… is she aware that her grandpa is dead?? Or is she in some sort of shock that makes her fail to realize it? Because she didn’t tell a soul that she was living alone on the island. She was nonchalantly chatting about Grandpa with Dave before.

….I don’t know how many times I began writing chunks of text when the explanation was on the next panel. I lost count of it.

Yeah, well, no way he was gonna die. And he has a pretty thick skin anyway… no, not figuratively, HE HAS GOT A CARAPACE. And we cannot give commands to anyone anymore, thanks PM.

WHOAAAAA, I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST UNCOVERED THE BIGGEST MYSTERY IN HOMESTUCK!!!! The arm’s owner is… just David Brimner! The poor man was just trying to get his mail back with his ghostly powers! Oh, David, you silly prankster, you gave me such a hard time! Haha, I actually thought this was an important plot point, how silly of me! :)

Well, PM. Would you look at that. It’s like your personal cute doggy who brings you the mail on saturday’s morning! Just don’t slay him this time.

DON’T TRUST HIM, LIL’ WORMY!! He has only got eyes for the letter! He doesn’t care about you! He will kill you as soon as he gets his weak pathetic digits on that envelope! Just between you and me, lil’ wormy, I think he isn’t that alright in the head, all that talk about mail and politics, I think he wants to build an empire populated by mailbots, watch out.

Oh, the betrayal! Jasper is turning in his grav— well, you kind of defiled it a little while ago… But wherever he is, be sure he is turning!! Oh, he is turning like you wouldn’t believe! Turning and spinning and turning, it would put your youth roll to shame!

Look, all that pink and cats and wizards messed up with her head and now she talks like a normal thirteen y/o kid. I can’t believe she put something not purple on.

 And that countdown expired half an hour ago, just sayin’.

Not a transportalizer. Could or could not be an appearifier where you don’t have to insert coordinates?

I think there was a time in which a countdown was near expiring. I vaguely remember Rose being concerned about it. But it was so long ago, the memory is fuzzy and distan— GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!

WHAT. He had a little suit on even when he was alive. The crosshair is stuck on him. 

CUTENESS OVERLOAD!!! ROSE AT FOUR YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!

…In the middle of a therapy session with Jasper….

Yes, Rose. I’m sure you knew such big words at four, or even how to write at all. She’s really just making a drawing of Jaspers with tiny and badly drawn hearts all around it.

THE DAY HE DIED?!?!?! I don’t want to watch!

……………….ROSE, FOR THE SEVENTH TIME, CATS DON’T TALK!!!!!!

Eww. At least I don’t have to worry about Rose attempting to eat it because of its color.

It’s really just a bunch of random letter— OH MY FUCKING GOD. THOSE ARE THE BASE PAIRING OF DNA! …What is that thing… attempting to do… because the order displayed is mostly wrong. GG is an incorrect pairing, for example.

I’M JUST SO FUCKING GLAD SHE DIDN’T TRY TO APPEARIFY HERSELF. JUST SO FUCKING GLAD.

I’m almost sure it was Rose’s mom. Who else would be interested in bringing Jaspers back.

It’s incredible how obsessed the both of them are with that cat. And with wizards, because HONESTLY, Rose can deny it all she wants but someone who is as fascinated by dark lore as her and draws fanart of an Harry Potter parody CANNOT not be a wizards lover. They could be chatting amiably about them over tea and have the nicest mother-daughter relationship and instead they don’t even talk.

It’s not even that Rose’s Mom is not capable, it’s just that she wasn’t supposed to appearify Jaspers at all. If I got everything right it created a paradox and therefore a mutated clone. If one where to appearify someone they were meant to, even the dumbest would succeed. And by dumbest I mean John Egbert. Lalondes, step aside, we’ve got an honest to god ectobiologist here!

Can’t wait for the day we get all unethical and start cloning living beings!!

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Ah, so Vriska tricked you into making the dress for her. I should’ve seen it coming that Vriska would find a way to piss somebody else off.

I’m not sure whether the giant bug-skull sprite consoling her is heartwarming or creepy. I guess it’s good to know that at least one troll had a half-decent parental figure.  At least she can chalk it up to a lesson learned (the lesson in this case being “stay the fuck away from Vriska”) and hopefully find somebody else. 

I still don’t understand why she would have feelings for Vriska of all people.  Raging teenage troll hormones are the only possible explanation.

Though even so, I can’t help but feel sorry for her. I remember what being a teenager was like (it sucked), and I think lots of people can sympathize with having feelings for somebody who doesn’t reciprocate.

Being a kid and growing up.

It’s hard and nobody understands. 

Except for… literally every other kid who’s ever been in a comparable situation?  I mean, unless the rest of the universe is a vast conspiracy, I’m pretty sure just about every human ever who lived to adulthood has gone through puberty (excepting people with hormonal disorders and whatever, but you know what I mean).  It’s not like nobody’s ever gone through something like this before.  Seriously, there are whole genres of music dedicated specifically to this sort of thing.

That said, I understand that, yeah, this situation sucks. The good news is that ten years down the road you’ll realize that Teenage You was a complete dumbass and that in the long run an unreciprocated crush isn’t that big of a deal.

A Lab Full of Humans (and a Couple of Trolls)

Well it seems like it’s been a while, I got distracted by drawing. All right, lets carry on with Rose’s guide to Homestuck. 

Look, it’s the little babbies! Ready to head off on their adventures. Thinking back I think the stuff about there only being one set of players not two lots of ectobilogifying - I hope you know what I mean - was explained by Scratch way back when, I’m not sure, I lot of dramatic stuff has happened since. 

So, the only think Skaia can really do is mess with the portals. So I guess it switches the players around to try and make things turn out different. 

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I don’t even have a title. I’m too crestfallen to care.

This is my third attempt at eating and/or drinking while liveblogging this thing and the first two did not end well, all thanks to John. I spat tea all over my keyboard. BUT THIRD TIME’S A CHARM and I take a stab at it again with tea and cookies. Let’s hope John is less of a dork in this post.

Where was I? …Oh, man. Dave’s STRIFE. Oh, gosh.

I clicked. There is no turning back. Let’s hope that nobody falls from the building, that no meteor hits them while they fight, that BRO isn’t as creepy in this flash, that there won’t be any suicide attempts, etc, etc…

*crosses fingers*

THAT’S A LOT OF—

NEVERMIND.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A STRIFE WITH BRO I COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT THAT STUPID PUPPET

ARE YOU SHITTING ME. HE CANNOT EVEN LAND A HIT ON CAL, LET ALONE HIS BROTHER.

THAT’S IT???? This let me down so much, you have no idea. Well, only ROUND ONE but still. I expected so much more. Some insightful stuff about their relationship! Like with Rose and her mother’s strife… I don’t know. I expected more. This was kinda disappointing.

OOOOHHHH, MY. Was this supposed to scare me?? I think Cal is losing its touch. BRO and Cal just look ridiculous. Now I’m waiting for the day I stop screeching every time squiddles show up and do… that… tangled up thingy—OH GOD.

….That will take more time, I think.

YES. This is way more interesting and I’ve been waiting for it.

THE SASSINESS, IT’S BLINDING ME. You got the right person, girl.

Yes, well. She has to feed her pet dragon with irradiated food as she does any other day and probably will meet her grandpa and hopefully it will end up in a more interesting strife than the Striders one. Make it quick, Rose.

So Dave WILL pull through and get her in The Medium! …As soon as he stops fighting with inanimate objects, that is.

IS SHE EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT AT THIS POINT?? Yes, Jade Harley here, professional psychic at your service, did you need to know anything in particular?

Yes, it had to be the crappiest day ever, this fits the descriptio— WHAT. Jade never lied??? She doesn’t have the game! She knew about the game but not about its name… She’s so fucked.

She’s not fucked. She knew about everything beforehand. She knows of a way to get a copy, the little shit. Otherwise she wouldn’t be so unconcerned. …I thought she got little glimpses of the future, but it looks like she knows every little detail now. …Whenever I think I got the hang of her powers she pulls things like these on me… 

But actually, getting a copy shouldn’t be that hard. Jade has transportalizers in her house, right? And they showed the same symbol of the contraption in WV’s capsule. So who says her grandpa doesn’t have an appearifier hidden somewhere?? All she would have to do is appearify the only copy nobody is using and nobody is going to use anytime soon. That would be Dave’s copy. All she would have to do is sneak into her grandpa’s laboratory or wherever they store the thing and appearify Dave’s game. And you may say: “But how would she know the right coordinates??”. Well, Jade has already seen the way she will get a copy. In this case she would have seen herself insert the coordinates, and would know what to type into the thing. Easy. This is the most logical theory I’ve ever freaking written. I don’t even care if I’m wrong. It makes perfect sense.

Okay, I was lying… I think I will scream if it just turns out grandpa has a copy hidden somewhere.

ROSE. You keep yourself and your ambiguous opinions on Jade’s home situation as far away as possible. HE’S NOT THAT KIND OF SCIENTIST, OKAY? …I think.

They will be fine because I just said so. I won’t have another strider-like situation. DID I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR??

My Homestuck experience so far.

Patience may not be Rose’s forte, but she makes it up with courage. She will be alright. Hell, the girl stared at meteors all around her and smirked intrigued. She takes every freaking thing as a personal challenge.

JADE. BRINGING THE APOCALYPSE IS NOT GOING TO BE FUN. KILLING EVERYONE ON EARTH ISN’T GOING TO BE FUN.

I don’t think she’s grasped this concept yet.

Jade just outdid herself with the hearts. Probably compensating for the fact that Rose will nearly die engulfed by flames before entering The Medium and SHE KNOWS ALREADY.

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A Roadtrip Through the Afterlife

Yeah yeah, I know, I said I was back on schedule. I lied. I do that. What you gonna do about it? :P

Anyway now it’s time to once again face the wall of grey (and red) which is a Karkat memo.

And things are getting deep over here. It’s an important question though, if you carry on hanging around after death does loss and sacrifice mean anything. I mean the only impact of death as far as I can see is a change of location and loss of pupils. As life changing events in Homestuck go that’s kind of minor. 

In some way it detracts from the story. One of the gripping things about Homestuck was how dark it turned. Now that’s kind of been lost. Even being in a dead end timeline isn’t such a grim sentence as it once was. Now there’s a chance of seeing everyone again after you die. 

I can really imagine that messing you up. Though personally I think meeting a clone of myself could be quite fun, we’d have a lot in common. I can also imagine that this is all a shipper’s dream, and a fanfic writer’s.

Go talk to Dave. Striders have a history of that sort of thing. 

I can’t even begin to imagine the frustration of living a life where you don’t really have any free will. Where your fate is mapped out and the only choices are to go with the flow or die doomed. That must be incredibly shitty indeed.

Fef’s healing WV YAY! :D The Mayor will live on!! There is hope still.

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HOLY SHIT

ARADIA’S BASICALLY GONNA TURN THE CONTENTS OF HER MOM’S FRIDGE AGAINST HER

It’s a shame it had to come to this. You don’t like summoning the spirits of the dead to settle scores.

But if she had to face her victims again, maybe she’d finally learn to feel remorse.

Well, she definitely doesn’t think of her victims as people, and forcing her to confront their ghosts COULD potentially snap her out of it & cause her to just completely break down and reconsider her homicidal lifestyle, so, this technically isn’t a bad plan at all

but… we’ve already met post-ghost-incident!Vriska

and she did not seem like someone who had a downright dickensian revelation about the sanctity of life after being visited by the 88 ghosts of senseless murders past, present and future

so this’ll likely just piss her off and fuel the 3NDL3SS CYCL3 OF R3V3NG3

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