On coercive gendering

imagine if, when you were born, someone said “your favorite color is green. so i bought you green towels and bedsheets and toys and green plates and silverware and i painted your walls green.”

through your whole life, you might find that, yeah, green works, and you have no problem with that.

but conversely, if later in your life you came to the realization that… maybe red was your favorite color? you would have to redye all your towels and bedsheets and repaint your walls (or just re-buy if you have the money).

but what if you had been given a blank slate your whole life? someone had said, “i dont know your favorite color, so i bought you all this clear/white stuff that you can redye or repaint at any time with no problem.” then, when you grow up and you learn about colors and color schemes you can pick one for yourself that best suits you. for significantly less trouble, you can pick your own colors without someone shoving their ideas of what colors you’re supposed to like in your face for years on end.

people will say, “ill support if my child changes their favorite color!” but they likely dont fully understand what that entails. they likely dont understand that its a lot more pain and energy to go back and repaint and recolor every single thing than to just leave the walls blank for a single color. chances are, it won’t be perfect, either, and when you’re painting over green with red some stuff is gonna end up a muddy brown.

dont force gender on your children. when you do, you reinforce a culture of cisheteronormativity. you reinforce the culture that teaches trans kids and gay kids that they aren’t normal. this culture is why lgbt+ kids have to “come out”, not only to others but also to themselves. make resources available to your kids, support them, dont hold them to an expectation they dont even understand.


the words you held back
or threw out -

was i ever all you could
think about?

was i ever the face
of every stranger in a crowd?

or the shape you saw
in every single cloud?

you were all of these
things for me -

did you ever hold a love
that i was just too blind to see?