I slept almost all day today, but I had a really wonderful dream.
And I know other peoples dreams are boring, but this was just too weird not to share.
I dreamed that I somehow ended up with the One Ring, but I just hid it away somewhere really secure and didn’t even touch the thing. And then Sméagol turned up on my doorstep, and i decided to try and rehabilitate him, even though everybody called me crazy because of it.
But I succeeded!
And then I decided to go destroy Sauron.
So i got some friends together, which included veritasrose herestowishing, historiography (who i think was occasionally a robot for some reason?), and chibiflakes who looked like a young John Travolta in Grease. And then we went to a really fancy library and found some old book that we kept calling the Silmarillion even though it was just one page with a Redwall-like riddle we needed to complete our quest.
The riddle led us to a grandfather clock that was secretly a magical inkjet printer. It didn’t use regular ink, it only used “fresh blood, freely given” (which i now realize came from that one scene in goblet of fire). chibiflakes was the one who figured it out.
We needed it to print the rest of the riddles that we needed to get into Mordor, so we filled a coffee cup with blood, and offered it to the grandfather clock printer.
The clock-shaped blood-printer was at the place i went to high school for some reason, so we had to make sure we didn’t get caught. Because historiography was a robot, and didn’t have have any blood, we had her stand guard while we dealt with the printer situation.
We almost got caught by my high school German teacher, but historiograph was able to distract him by talking about the German football team.
Meanwhile, my dad was trying to rally the admiralty board and persuade them to abandon the blockade and commit all their spaceships to an assault on the Mordor. Which was a floating space island for some reason?
After we finally printed everything herestowishing is the one who figured out the riddle, which lead us to an underpass that was actually the entrance to a cave. And that was when Sméagol showed back up, angry and kind of hurt by the fact that I had tried to leave him behind, even though he didn’t know where we were going or why.
After exploring the cave for a while, Sméagol smiled and hopped up and down and said something like “We knows these caves, we does! We used to lives here. Sméagol will can find many tasty fishes for friends!” and then he ran/crawled off and we set up camp. historiograph decided to head back home because she was afraid the water in the caves would short out her circuitry.
Sméagol still wasn’t back yet, and herestowishing was giving me this look, and i was like “What? What did I do?”
And herestowishing just came right out and said it “Gollum. You know what happens. You’ve seen the movies and read the books. He’s going to betray you.”
And I was like “But he’s movie Gollum! So he didn’t get kicked beat up a really OOC Faramir this time, and Sam’s not going to go totally OOC and attack him this time! And he’s Sméagol now anyway!”
And veritasrose took my side and said “He knows these caves better than anyone. We need his help to get to the volcano before Mordor destroys the entire space fleet.”
But herestowishing was just like “I still don’t think he should be here. How do you think he’s going to react when he realizes what we’re trying to do?”
And veritasrose was like “What?!? You mean you haven’t told him yet?”
and i was like “No! He wasn’t supposed to know until after, but we took to long!”
chibiflakes, who was the designated paper-plot-item-carrier/codex guy/minimap-creator didn’t say anything because he was drawing map and then Sméagol came back, and chibiflakes read the next riddle.
herestowishing was the one who figured it out we had to fight the Balrog next.
Only in my dream it wasn’t really a balrog, instead it was a giant angler fish/octopus hybrid and we had to run through water that was almost knee deep to get past it. Everybody made it and herestowishing saved chibiflakes who fell down and dropped all the papers.
And then on the other side was a really big cavern with a deep pool of water that disappeared into the distance all we had was a soggy map. Sméagol finally figured out what we were doing, and he got really upset because i’d lied to him and told him that the ring was already destroyed.
And then he had a moment where Gollum nearly came back, but he was mostly still okay, just really angry and kind of scary.
And then some stuff happened, and there was some arguing that eventually ended with And he’s Sméagol now anyway, veritasrose and me swimming to Mordor.
Meawhile, during the space battle, the Milano showed up along with the ravager ships to assist Admrial Tallahassee and his fleet (i don’t understand it either) and then the Millennium Falcon was there and so was the Normandy, and Legolas was an x wing pilot in Rouge Squadron, and Gimli was his wingman and Eowyn was Rouge Leader. Han was the Heir of Gondor, and Eomer was Leia’s brother. But this was all stuff i just knew via dream logic. Also, my Dad was apparently best friends with Admiral Hackett or something?
Anyway, we reached the volcano, and there was a really tense moment when we thought Sméagol really was going to turn on us, but it didn’t happen. And then there was another one when I wanted to become the Dark Lord or something, but then veritasrose was like “if you do that, Sméagol will bite your finger off” so i decided not to.
And then Sméagol referred to himself as “I” for the first time and we threw the ring into the volcano and it was very emotional, and veritasrose took a selfie.