heyitsjess

ALRIGHT KIDS GATHER ‘ROUND.

Do you see this radiant princess right here?  This is Jess (also known as sanctifymyheart).  And today is marks the 18th year she has graced this planet.

How can I describe Jess?  Basically, she’s so wonderful, you can’t describe her.  But I will try.

Jess is the night sky in January, she is the mountains when the air is clear, she is your favorite song on a summer night, she is a sunset after rain.  Jess is every good thing you can imagine.  She is kindness, she is love, she is beauty, she is grace.  You know how there are some people who you are constantly revered by?  Jess is that person for everyone.  She has such a big heart, and she serves the Lord without a second thought.  She is so godly, so marvelous, so good, and I am so incredibly blessed to know her. 

Happy Birthday Jess!!

Sometimes I ask my boyfriend things about his past. I know I won’t like the answers, but I can’t stop myself from asking. Then I get quiet afterwards. It’s not that I’m mad or upset with his answers or that he did the things. it’s that negative voice in my head convincing me that he won’t want me anymore.

This is ridiculous of course. He really is the best boyfriend I could ever want. I love him so much! He literally does everything he can to make me happy. He even bought me Prince cd’s because he knew I was sad that I broke my old one.

I also know it’s bad of me to think the way I do. To always undercut myself, I try not to, but I’ve never thought of myself as worth it. So now that I have him and he’s so amazingly perfect it hard for me to not listen to the negativity in my head.

Like what’s the fucking point? At the begind of the semester you say you’d work with me so I could get better at this. Now you just walk a lap with me then run off with your roommate. Why promises me something If you had no intention of following through. I get that you can do things with him you cant do with me but you made plans with me before you made plans with him. I thought I meant a bit more to you than that. Apparently not. Sure you say I can “join you guys.” But you know im insecure about so much andI shut down around others. But that obviously doesn’t matter to you. Whatever. Im fed up with this shit.

Sometimes I get really annoyed because I’m trying my hardest, I’m in college, with a job and doing the best I can; while the rest of my family barely works and never went to college (including my cousin that’s 4 months older) yet they can all afford nice new cars, and I struggle to afford food every week.