I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we love each other more than anything. He’s graduated college, is currently working a full-time job that he relatively enjoys, and he moved 2700 miles across the country for this job in LA. After being long distance for 4 months, I said “what the hell” and moved 2700 miles to live with him, to work, and to find a school that I would enjoy more than the one that I was at. I guess I was a little naive to believe it would be that easy.
He is very practical, and I’m much more passionate. I feel some pressure from him to get my degree asap, get a job, and make money. He doesn’t tell me these things directly, he is just very goal-oriented and works hard to achieve them himself. It seems to be good, mature peer pressure, I just feel a bit ashamed that I hadn’t had a set goal all along. I was taking classes in subjects I enjoyed rather than working to finish a major - following my heart rather than my head I suppose. I was a bit immature.
I am driving home in a few days and I cannot stop crying. I’ve suffered from depression for nearly 10 years now, and with the stress of finding a school and moving back, it has intensified. Long distance isn’t easy. We will be long distance for 2 years, until I finish my degree from an in-state university (to save myself $ in tuition loans) and can move back with him and pursue a career of my own. I just want to hear your thoughts. Am I being silly in any way? He absolutely refuses to give up on his dream out here and move back with me, even if it was only temporary. I can’t blame him - I would much rather live in LA as well. We’re both very attached to each other and don’t have many real friends outside of each other. We are each others’ first romantic relationship. All of his friends and family live on the east coast, so he’s going to be really alone once I leave. I have high social anxiety, so when I start at my new school, making friends will be hard, but at least I will have my family within an hour’s drive. I will also be putting myself and my education first, which is always a good thing. I am a little scared that with 2 years ahead, that we won’t last, despite all of our shared dreams for the future. I’m scared that he may get too lonely, and someone will offer him attention, and he’ll leave me.
What do you think? Am I making the right choice? Do you have any advice that could help us? Thank you.
Hi, I felt really drawn to your story because this could have been me and Dave’s situation. And if I were you I’d be doing exactly what you’re doing and I’d be just as worried, and scared. Dealing with School and Careers is challenging, everything is transitioning without necessarily a clear plan. As someone from the east coast, LA was a huge and scary place for me I couldn’t imagine finishing a degree here. You’re right to put your future first, and to let your bf have his. This is a great time for him to start establishing a place and sense of security. Your bf is putting his career first and this may be a huge benefit that allows you two to visit each other over the 2 years. Maybe see each other for Holidays or special occasions. If you see him as someone you can be with for forever what’s 2 years right? Make sure you communicate, set time aside to talk to spend time together whether you’re together or apart. You can do long distance you have to believe you’re strong enough. It hard but ask anyone on the blog, it’s absolutely worth it.
You going home to where you have support systems sounds absolutely what will be best for you. Continue to take classes that makes sense to you. I’m in the same boat, my bf is goal oriented and practical, like you I’m passionate. And honestly it’s working out really well for me. It doesn’t matter what your degree is in, as long as you finish something. I tried being practical and taking courses that would ‘get me a job’ it made me miserable and a less enjoyable person to be around. Be happy first and the job will follow. If your bf isn’t voicing any negativity then it’s likely he doesn’t have any, just because he’s practical doesn’t mean he expects you to be. He loves you, not because you’re like him, but because you compliment him. You’re worried about your bf but you’ve been with him for more than a year, you have a strong foundation, and that will make you strong as a couple. You have to trust him, until he gives you a reason not to. If you start long distance with mistrust for no reason that will drive him away not the loneliness.
Going to school, and making new friends like you say will be difficult, anxiety or not it’s always a little scary at first but it will help you deal with the distance. Finding ways to have your own life separate from your bf will give you things to talk about and also provide you with opportunities to have fun, and experience new things. Being around people that make me happy is a great way (at least for me) to bring my energy up and feel normal especially when I’m having a bad day (I suffer from chronic loneliness) so what ever it is that boosts your mood, exercise, a hobby, practicing your passions. Do that.
Sorry about my Novel of a Response but I really wanted to give you a comprehensive answer I really do feel for you. I have at least some idea or understanding of what you’re going through and I truly believe that you and your relationship will make it!