Meeting with sinister types much. A much toooooo much.

1. Leaving the beach sucked but I was able to collect some sand in my vagina with which to make a pearl so I guess I got that going for me. Tampax Pearl I finally get you. 

2. My son sent me a text the other day from the zoo telling me a bison was giving birth and all I could think about was that scene in Ace Ventura where the rhino releases him in all his sweaty glory and me and him texted about the movie for like 20 minutes laughing. I love that my son gets me. We are winners. 

3. I’m pretty sure that the baby sitter stole some of my shit. Like legit make up and perfume shit. I filed a claim with the babysitting site and my kids had a good time but really? How are you gonna steal from me after I paid you some cold hard cash. People suck. 

4. I have 2 free Papa Johns pizzas because I am what you might call a frequent shopper and I cannot decide when I should eat them maybe today on my way to my over eaters anonymous meeting. I need to get control. 

5. Dexter season finale = what. I am going to just revel in the seasons that I loved and remember that all good things must at some point come to an end. 

6. My son won the spelling bee at school yesterday and I was so proud I bought him a video game which says so very much about the society in which we live and my parenting skills in general. I’ll make him read War & Peace this weekend, no worries. 

7. People who just right click and save shit and then post it as their own sort of annoy me. How hard is it to reblog something. Really hard. 

I brushed the gigantic dread lock out of my hair this morning and more than likely lost 40 percent of my hair. The beach is lovely though and I will take this punishment as a sign that I need to use more conditioner.