So its my first christmas away from my family and it feels a bit strange, but I’m surrendering to it. It feels nice to be sitting in my own home, with my cats milling about, listening to the sounds of a still day. It feels good to not be rushing off anytime soon or have the pressure of “holiday performance”. I don’t know why family holidays feel this way to me, but they do. So, instead of making myself feel guilty or feeling negative I’m going accept my truth with a full and open heart: I am happy to be spending this christmas with my partner, my friends, and extended family.
I’m going to go on a run now because this is a part of my promise to myself. Its interesting though - running has always been an activity that I have done out of anger or anxiety. It has been an action that has allowed me to burn the coals inside of me like a panic driven de-fumigation of my mind. But now that I am less angry and less anxious I am having to find alternative motivations to run. This makes running more tiresome and I find I can’t run for as long of distances, but its an exciting new avenue to explore.