happiness

i have always been afraid of falling
until i was falling 
and then
it was the easiest thing in the world

when i was 5
we went to a swimming pool
i wanted to jump into the water
but i was scared of the steps i had to take between the board
and the abyss
and my dad held out his arms 
and he said 
‘you love the water, punkin
i won’t let you fall’
and so i let go
and i found myself smiling
and i found myself flying

when i was 10
all the neighborhood kids were doing trust falls
i was afraid
and my dad said 
'these are your friends
they won’t let you fall’
and so i went from biting my lip
to giggling out loud
and i landed in the arms of everyone on the block

when i was 20
i jumped backward off a 200 ft cliff in canada
and at the top
i cried and cried
i begged my dad to let me go back down
and he said
'you’re the girl who loves a rush,
i won’t let you back down now’
and so i found myself freefalling
and i found myself laughing
and i found myself screaming with joy

when i was 22
i met a boy
and when i looked at him
i could feel my whole heart crying out
'i thought i knew what love meant
i thought i knew
i didn’t
until you’
and i was so afraid to fall
i was so afraid to let go and get hurt for the thousandth time
i was so afraid 
to willingly hand my heart over like a knife
he could cut my throat open with
if he really wanted to
and he said 
'it’s ok to fall
you might hit hard
but i’ll pick you up at the bottom
because i’ve fallen
too’

and i knew
i found the only other man
i will ever love
as much 
as my father.

—  i am my father’s daughter and my lover’s other half (m.n.g)
I’ll go out there and make my mistakes. I’ll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up. I’ll stand on the highest mountaintop and go into the deepest caverns. I’ll roam across the world, visit the moon and swim in outer space. I’ll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar. Why? Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments, I want to have something worthwhile to watch, with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad. I don’t want to regret a thing and I plan not to. Remember, it’s not usually the things you do that you regret, it’s the things you don’t do and leave unsaid. Laugh out loud. Cry in the rain. Love with all your heart and soul. Get hurt. Tell the truth. Go crazy. But never forget that you only get one shot. One shot at this day, one shot at this minute. One shot at this age. One shot at life. So make sure your life is one you will enjoy watching in your final moments.
—  Anna Freud