hallowed

2

Tagged by jesse-skellington to post a selfie to “20 beautiful people challenge”. Thank you ☺ I tag hallowed–be-thy-name, we-love-iron-maiden, we-dont-like-mangos, duffs-vodka, mr-crowleys-crazy-train, noremorse666, noodle-janicorn, h-a-n-g-a-r-18, heaven-can-wait12, davemustaineismyhusband, mrmaidenist666, welcomethothejungle, painting-duffs-house, a-hobbit-metfan, possessed-by-ozzy, we-life-as-we-dream, he-as-hollow-as-i-alone, hetfieldsbiggestfan, euthanasia-for-mankind and axl-roseoli

Went out birthday shopping with my husband and sister and nephew.

Sister: Let’s go to that you store, you need new sneakers.
Me: Ugh. Fine, but we have to go to Hot Topic first because I need new Slytherin socks.

Husband: Are you ready to go?
Me: THEY HAVE DEATHY HALLOW EARRINGS!!

Nephew: Auntie, can I have some Mike & Ikes?
Me: Here’s a Bertie Bott Every Flavour Bean. Enjoy.

Salesman at Best Buy: Oh, you’re looking for a new laptop? What do you need it for?
Me: Internet.
Salesman: Just the internet?
Me: And writing. Writing for the internet.
Salesman: Oh, well this one has *insert lots of tech jargon that I let the husband pay attention to* Does that sound like something that would work?
Me: I need it to run Wordpad, GoogleDocs, and Tumblr at the same time. Can it do that?

Husband: Come here. I need to show you something. *leads to a whole Harry Potter section at Hastings* They have Slytherin ties, coffee mugs, and a wanted posted for Sirius Black.
Me: You’re a good man. I will love you always.
Husband: You’re welcome.
Me: ALWAYS.
Husband: I get it.

the first man that ever broke my heart
was my father
his presence is a thick fog that rolls over our house
his words are harsh and mangled like old tree roots sunken into the ground
they weigh heavily on my chest
like an anchor stuck to my rib cage
pulling me deeper and deeper until i can no longer breathe
until my cells burst and i feel nothing
i am constantly reminded of my own inadequacy
when all i want is some kind of affirmation that i’m not as vile as he makes me feel
i try to believe the best of him
but it is so hard when i’m made to feel like nothing
i know that i will never please him
and that i will never be enough to silence his shot gun shell filled mouth
i have tried to be enough for so long
i have tried to pretend that it does not bother me
but i cannot try
not when my insides have been hallowed out by his bullets
one too many times
—  and i don’t think i can ever forgive you
I'm fine by Me

How are you? Oh.. me im fine in reality im fine means help me. Im fine means im drowning and my demons are trying to drown me faster. What can i say? I hide behind the mask i have built myself determined for people to not see the hallow shell of my being. You see dear parents every judgement and hateful words you said broke me worse then any of my bullies beating ever could. My nose could heal after time but your words cut my heart only scaring it turning my heart to stone. I would like to say you made me stronger but in reality you broke me. Every religious thing you said crucified me like the man you hold so dear. What happen to your teachings? The teaching where you judge not or ye be judged. What happen to the love you use to speak? Am i really an abomination in your eyes? Do you regret having me? Would the world be better if i took my last breath? Just anwser this and if your anwser be yes then my fate is sealed and i will say a fond farewell to you because i dont harvest hate i harvest pity for you and everyone else out there who doesnt understand so they hate. So make me a martyr in your war of hate i gladly sacrifice myself for the hope one day I’m fine really means im fine. I let the last breathe escape my lips in hope the world will one day not be divided. In hope the Lgbtqipa, other orientations and genders can be free from the fear of being crucified for being themselves. So hammer the nail deeper in my hands and pierce my side with your spear of hate. In the end Im fine…….