Alternative Musical Names:

Anything Goes- The Reno Sweeney Musical

Annie- Bitch Got Lucky: The Musical

Avenue Q- Real Fucked Up Sesame Street: The Musical

Hairspray- Ground Breaking Love Interests: The Musical

Les Miserable- Like Four Hours of Non-Stop Singing: The Musical

Into The Woods- Real Fucked Up: The Musical

Newsies- Hot Guys Dancing: The Musical

Matilda- Why The Fuck Are These Kids More Talented Than Me?: The Musical

The Book Of Mormon- Let’s See How Far We Can Push It: The Musical

Rent- Fuck Social Norms: The Musical

Musicals: A Guide

Les Miserables: Someone steals a loaf of bread and sh*t goes down

Into The Woods: Someone steals a witch’s beans and sh*t goes down

Moulin Rouge: Someone gets sick and sh*t goes down

Phantom Of The Opera: Someone takes the seats that the person living in the catacombs of the opera house said to reserve and sh*t goes down

The Addam’s Family: Someone coughs during dinner and sh*t goes down in the second act

Cinderella: Some fairy doesn’t know how to make a spell last longer than midnight and not much happens actually other than true love and all that jazz

Chicago: There’s a song called All That Jazz and sh*t happens throughout the entire musical

Mamma Mia: Someone wants to find their real father out of three candidates so she invited them to her wedding and ABBA sh*t happens

Aladdin: Someone steals a lamp and sh*t happens

The Sound of Music: Julie Andrews sings for a while and sh*t goes down so she flees the country

Grease: Somewhat, actually not somewhat but more definitely, sexist sh*t happens at the end

Newsies: Someone wants to go to Santa Fe but first holds a strike and sh*t goes down

Book Of Mormon: Hello! Sh*t goes down might actually be a lyric, hilarity ensues.

Hairspray: Heartfelt dancing sh*t goes down

Oliver: A bunch of orphans steal for this creepy man but the real sh*t goes down with Nancy

Frozen: Idina Menzel belts out a note on a mountain and sh*t goes down

Theatre Kid Problems
  • Me:who am I anywayyyy? am I my résumé?!
  • Me:DEAR JASON, THERE WILL BE TEARS TODAY
  • Me:it's just life, so keep dancing through
  • Me:I SHOULD TELL I BLEW THE CANDLE OUT, JUST TO GET BACK IN
  • Me:morning glowwwwwww is heeeeeeere at laaaast
  • Me:far from skid rowwwww, I dream we'll go
  • Me:someone to waaAAAAAAAAtch over meeeeeeeeeeeee
  • Me:THERE ARE GIANTS IN THE SKYYYYYYY
  • Me:I will sing the song of purple summer
  • Me:we neeeeeed some light
  • Me:CHRISTINE, THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOOOOOU
  • Me:you can't stop the beat
  • Me:this I swear by the STARS
  • Me:I OWE YOU A BOTTLE OF COLD CHAMPAGNE
  • Me:I know it's todayyyy oooooooh
  • Me:goodbyyyyye until tomOOOOOOOOrow
  • Everyone:stop