I went to a Blood on the Dance Floor concert and got to meet them. I’ve never felt so loved, happy, and cared for my entire life. I have this constant happiness I’ve never had before. When I met Jayy I could barley talk. I was struck with a realization of meeting my #1 heroes’ and it didn’t feel real. I was stuttering a lot and could barley talk, and I was so happy that I wanted to cry. I probably came off as a little creepy. But he didn’t seemed fazed and he signed my poster, took a picture with me, and I got a hug. I was finally able to say “Thanks for saving my life.” And he said “Thanks for still being here.” With a sincere smile. I was trying hard not to cry but couldn’t help it and tears started streaming down my face. These guys have always meant so much to me and to hear him say that made me feel important in this world. Later on Dahvie came out and by then I was able to calm down and actually talk. He signed my Bad Blood vest and a poster. I asked what he put on my vest.
Dahvie: “To Jason: Stay awesome -Dahvie”
Me: My mom is gonna kill me
Me: Well I’m trans and she doesn’t know I want to be called that. She knows I’m transgender but isn’t accepting of it and flips out anytime I do anything that gets me closer to being a guy.
Dahvie: Well she’ll have to know one day and accept it. You just have to be who you are. Look at me I dress like a female everyday and I fucking love it. I don’t give a fuck what others say. Be you, no one can tell you who you are. Stay strong and awesome. ((He then hugged me))
The words aren’t exact, but it went something like that. Then I also said to him
Me: Thank you for being there. You were the only people there for me when no one else was. I started listening to you January 2013. I was really depressed and suicidal, that’s also when I first started cutting and I-
Dahvie: ((He stopped me and said with a look of worry and care)) Noooo. ((He them grabbed my arm and drew 4 hearts on it)) Remember you are the heart. Don’t hurt yourself it only destroys your future. This world is fucked up and I know it hurts you. People say “well that’s not normal” it’s okay to be different. You help this world be a better place by being you. Stay strong. ((He hugged me again and said)) “I love you”
I could barley talk I was just able to shake my head and at thank you. Again not exact words but still close. But right then I knew I would never cut again. I talked to him after he met with more fans. During the concert I realized I forgot to tell him I was done with self harm. After the concert I went to go talk to him I was waiting in the crowd and even though my friends parents who were picking us up were pissed that we were late I didn’t care. When he saw me he said “Hey what’s up Jason!?” It felt awesome that he remembered me. I got another picture with him. Sadly I didn’t know where Jayy was. But I got to tell Dahvie that I was done with self harm. He told me that it was awesome and he was proud of me. In the past used many forms of self harm, and I would do whatever it took to forget what was going on in my life. The night before I went I was feeling like crap. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the negative things that happened past 3 years in my life. I felt like I was useless and my life meant nothing. I tried all kinds of ways to forget by harming myself, which I now realize isn’t the way of dealing with it. I just couldn’t get rid of my depression I felt helpless, trapped, and pathetic. I thought I had no purpose in my life and was just a mistake and worthless. But now thanks to BOTDF I no longer feel that. I now know I’m not a mistake and I’m here to make the world a better place just by being me. I know now just as many rights to be here as anyone else. I realize my life is actually worth living, and to the full extent. I no longer hate myself or feel any depression. I haven’t felt sad for even a minute today. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve been so happy for so long. At not once in my life have I had a smile on my face every second. I would just like to say to BOTDF, thank you so much for everything. I’m sorry for anything negative others have said/will say towards you, because you defiantly do not deserve any of their bullshit. Thank you for reminding me I can be happy, and I don’t need to hurt myself for it. Every ounce of sadness has left me and I feel on top of the world. I feel hopeful for my future which I never have been before. I’ve wanted to be an actor since I remember but always doubted myself and thought I wouldn’t go that far. But you guys are the proof I needed to realize I can do anything I set my mind to. Thank you for always being there when I’ve needed you most. My life has been restored and I know I have completely changed for the better. So thank you guys a million times for always being there for me. I love you infinity and beyond. Jayy and Dahvie you are my favorite people in the whole world. Thanks again for everything.