So maybe you heard that my girlfriend Alina Kabaeva is going to become the head of the National Media Group, yes? She is young. And beautiful. And also an ultra flexible gymnast, which is pretty fucking hot, I am not even going to lie. And if you so much as look at her I will have you dragged into the woods and shot. You are looking at her right now, are you not? Goddammit!

2

Australian Men’s Team 2014 Artistic Gymnastics World Championships Announced! 

  1. Michael Mercieca - Gymnastics Queensland High Performance Centre
  2. Sean O’Hara - Victorian Men’s High Performance Centre
  3. Chris Remkes - GYM-JETS - Gymnastics SA
  4. Naoya Tsukahara - Gymnastics Queensland High Performance Centre
  5. Luke Wadsworth - Victorian Men’s High Performance Centre
  6. Trenten Wan - Gymnastics Queensland High Performance Centre
  7. Luke Wiwatowski - Victorian Men’s High Performance Centre

Congratulations Guys! 

The ultimate list of pro ana diets!

Ana Boot Camp Diet. Also known as the ABC Diet.
- The rules for this are very simple to follow, especially for all little pro anas who know their alphabet. You must be committed to following this diet for the full 26 days required, or it won’t work. You must assign a letter to each day of your diet, in order - Day 1 would be A, Day 2 would be B etc. Each day you may eat literally as much food as you like, as long as the food you choose begins with the letter assigned to that particular day. Expect noticeable results from day 9, but don’t let this lull you into giving up too soon, as the diet requires pro anas to follow it for the full time period in order for the results to last.

The Russian Gymnast Diet.
- You may eat as much food as you like on this diet, as long as you follow the two simple rules. All the food you consume must be Russian in origin, and any food you consume must be eaten whilst performing one of the routines performed by Irina Tchachina during the 2004 Athens Olympics. This diet is most effective if carried out for five days, but many determined pro anas have pushed for a week and report worthwhile results.

The Skinny Girl Diet.
- Not for the faint-hearted, this three-day diet instructs any pro ana brave enough to be following it to sacrifice three skinny girls each morning as the sun rises, and then eat their three bloody hearts for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It may sound gory, but it has the best results of any pro ana diet - the consumption of the skinny girls’ hearts actually means that your body will absorb the metabolisms of the original owners, increasing your metabolic rate to an incredible speed. Results may not be seen immediately, but once your increased metabolism kicks in, they will be drastic and long-lasting.

The Ballerina Diet.
- You may only consume foods which are pastel pink in colour. You must limit your intake to five mouthfuls, five times a day. In order for this diet to work properly, you must dress in full ballet attire, including tutu and ballet shoes, for the entirety of the diet. It is completely up to you how long you decide to follow this diet for, but if you remove any part of your ballet attire for even a moment during this period, it’s effects will be reversed.

The Rainbow Diet.
- This diet is based on the Skittles slogan Taste the Rainbow. The ideal diet for any pro anas with a sweet tooth, to follow it you must limit your food to Skittles for five days, in order of the colours of the rainbow:
Monday - Red.
Tuesday - Orange.
Wednesday - Yellow.
Thursday - Green.
Friday - Purple.
Warning: This order is very important in order to ensure the diet will work as well as possible. The accidental consumption of the wrong colour Skittle on the wrong day could result in an alteration in the colour of your skin to match the colour of the incorrect piece of candy.

The Alice Diet.
- This is a tricky one. Whilst following this diet - usually most effective when followed for a two week period - you may eat literally any food you like, and as much as you like, so long as it has been prepared or cooked by someone named Alice. The difficulty level of this one can be high, depending on the people you know, although a few very determined, dedicated pro anas have gone to great lengths, encouraging their mothers to officially change their first name, or even changing their own forname, which they deemed worth it, when they saw the results.

10 Day Water Fast Challenge.
- This is simple but effective. You must drink a pint of water, as fast as you possibly can, every hour, on the hour, for 10 days straight. Failure to begin drinking at exactly the correct time, or failure to drink as quickly as you can could have drastic effects on the overall outcome.

The Lunabelle Diet.
Roughly translated as beautiful moon, you must only eat outside during the nighttime when the moon is clearly visible in the sky, and you may only consume cheese. The variety of cheese and the amount you eat are unlimited, as long as you can see the moon whilst you are eating it. This diet is for dedicated pro anas only, as it lasts an entire month. On the evening of the beautiful full moon, you must lay a slice of cheese under the moonlight, then curl up into a ball and sleep under the moon’s glow. When you awaken, you will see the results!
Note: Eating anything during the night when you are unable to see the moon will halt any progress you have made whilst following this diet.

The Diet Coke Diet.
- Drink diet coke endlessly until you reach the point that your body is so saturated with it, that you can actually cry diet coke tears. Only once this is achieved can you stop. You must then sleep for 24 hours straight whilst the diet coke inside you does it’s magic, and literally consumes all your excess fat. Results vary, but you’ll see the best results if you drink normal diet coke. Flavoured versions may be tempting, but the added ingredients weaken the fat-eating power of the drink.

The Marya Hornbacher Diet.
- For this diet, you must purchase a softback copy of Hornbacher’s Wasted, and over a period of five days, you must consume the entire inside pages of the book. Save the cover to eat on day six. Eat it raw or, if you find it a little too chewy, adding a splash of water and mashing it into a pulpy mess before consuming is completely acceptable, and won’t affect results.

The Baby Food Diet.
- You are allowed to eat one jar of pureed baby food for each meal, and three additional rusks are allowed per day, to be eaten at any point you feel peckish. All food must be fed to you by one of your parents, in an appropriately babyish “here comes the rocket!” manner, and you must also dress appropriately for your meal by wearing a bib. This diet can be a difficult one to sustain for any period of time, but even its short-term effects are worth it.

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