YESTERDAY I MET JENSEN ACKLES!
I was waiting in line and I was so nervous and excited and he smiled and said, “Hi sweetheart”, and I just gushed and started showing him my tattoo and started telling him the story when he said, “Give me a hug first”, and he gave me a big hug and had my photos with him. Then he held my hands, looked me deep in the eyes and said, “Hannah, I’m so glad you’re here, babe.“ And he gave me another minute hug. Then at autographs I told him my story.
“When I was 18 I went through the hardest time of my life. My mum and I got in a huge fight and she didn’t speak to me for a month even though I still live at home, my brother took her side, I was in my final year of school and I was basically Carrie White, and I was starving myself, but what hit me most of all was when my boyfriend cheated on me.
I was in a very long, very unhealthy relationship and he was my whole world. If I didn’t have him I had nothing, I was nothing, and because of that I was always bending over backwards. Even after that.
I didn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care what he’d done. It didn’t seem to phase him and he made me feel guilty about it, like I was the one who needed to make it up to him. That, plus all the other stuff that was going on, was too much. I couldn’t see the point of waking up to a shit storm everyday, so I tried to take my life. I downed a box of painkillers and washed it down with liqueur. I woke up the next day feeling very groggy and very disappointed. That’s when I started planning again. Should I hang myself? Where could I put a noose? Do I really want my mum or my brother to find me like that? Should I try to OD again? I was even beginning to sort through my things and my legs were so slashed up there were more wounds than intact flesh.
Supernatural has always been a good distraction from life and at the time season 6 was showing. Every week I’d lose myself in the world of Sam and Dean and when the new episode was over I’d marathon the back seasons over and over when I could.
I couldn’t help but sit and wonder all week what was going on with Sam. Could Death get his soul back? Is it going to hurt him, or worse?
That’s when I decided I’d wait until next week’s episode. That would roll around and I’d be sitting there going crazy over the cliffhanger. I did that for a couple of weeks because it was just too good. That’s when I decided I’d wait it out till the end of the season.
Of course by then thing had got better - my mum and I had made up, school wasn’t as bad, I slowly started eating again and he’d realised what he’d done, and starting acting accordingly.
At the end of 2013 I decided it was time to break up with him because it wasn’t a healthy relationship and it was doing nothing but damage.
Now I’m 22, I’m at a job I love (getting paid to play with puppies and kittens), I take no shit and I’m 1000x stronger and more confident, I’m studying vet nursing, I have a beautiful goddaughter and I’m in a relationship with an amazing man that thinks I’m the most beautiful, precious thing in the world.”
He kind of day silent for a second and I said, “Sorry, that was pretty heavy.” He said, “Yeah it was. But I’m so glad you’re here, and I’m so glad you shared your story with me. Thank you. Keep fighting, sweetheart.” Then he blew me a kiss.
This was the one thing I wanted to do in my life and now I’ve done it.
Thank you, Jensen, for saving my life. I will always appreciate it