guest-vandals

Afternoon with Abe.

Time Traveler, Lil’ Foxie (and one half of the embroidery vandals) recently spent President’s Day, afternoon with one of her dead guy crushes:  Abraham Lincoln.

Lil’ Foxie zoomed thru time and space in search of Abe for 2 specific reasons:

1.  She had a desire to play a good clean game of MONOPOLY.  Previous games played with Benjamin typically found her in the red and she suspected foul play.  Lil’ Foxie figured she had a pretty good chance there would be no funny business with a dude named:  HONEST ABE

2.  Word on the space streets was that Mr. Lincoln was familiar with the Vandals’ work.  He had an interest to commission us to create a piece for his rocket ship.    However, if you ever find yourself as a guest in the Embroidery Vandals’ home one thing is certain: you will NEVER leave with empty armsssssssssssssss.  Lil’ Foxie designed a portrait specifically for her new friend Abe free of charge. 

Abraham Lincoln is the 2nd installment of the Sundae Matinee MONEY MEN series. Soon dear readers, you will be able to fill your home with dead presidents rather than the typical moose head or grizzly bear.  INTEREST?!

16 FACTUAL TRUTHFUL FACTS about HONEST ABE LINCOLN:

1.  Lincoln created the Secret Service.  SPYS!

2.  Grave Robbers attempted to steal Lincoln’s corpse only to find it missing due to him traveling space in his rocket.

3.  He was a wrestler. 

4.  Lincoln established Thanksgiving as a holiday. 

5.  He had a dog named Fido… who Lil’ Foxie would love to meet. 

6.  Lincoln was the first president to use the telegraph.  Imagine what he would think of a FAX?!

7.  He was the first president with a beard. 

8.  Lincoln’s shoe size was between 12 and 14 — him and Rosalie could have shared. 

9.  Lincoln kept important documents inside his hat. 


10.  Lincoln’s suit was made by Brook’s Brothers. 

11.  He was obsessed with cats.

12.  Lincoln was the first president to be assassinated and then become a renowned space traveler.  

13.  Lincoln was part of seances after his son died in the White House.

14.  Lincoln’s coffin has been opened five times and he was never present during any of these openings. 

15.  He was a big fan of chicken casserole… oh those comfort foods.

16.  Lincoln was the 16th president. 

The envelope please…
What a perfect day to announce the winners… OSCAR night.  Although most of you may not be dressed to the nines, I am betting you are sitting on the edge of your seat wondering who will collect the PRIZE as NEAT AS PIZZA!  Thank you to everyone that participated… we had an overwhelming response and you have no idea what it means to me.  The SNAIL MAIL will keep comin’. 

In honor of Honest Abe… we wanted to ensure a fair voting process.  Therefore, THE Embroidery Vandals decided to employee a impartial judge to select the winner of the  SUNDAE MATINEE SELFIE STITCH contest.  Our neutral & unbiased judge, Benjamin Leonard went thru much  anguish and deliberation, but only one could win the prize that was as neat as pizza! 

The GRAND winner will receive their choice of a Lincoln portrait or Washington portrait, which will be displayed in a future Sundae Matinee post after the GRAND winner chooses. 

The GRAND winner is:  DANIEL of Berkley, Mitten 

Clyde Sparrow truly looks Hitchcockian in this silhouette!

Honorable mentions:

Honorable mentions will recieve a super experimental surprise via snail mail. 

2nd place: Mike Winner, of Hell, NY

3rd place:  Ani Pencak, of the Mitten.

Melissa of Popped Stitches, Philly, PA

You can check out the rest of the selfie stitches by visiting Instagram and searching for #embroidery vandals or #sundaematinee

Did you miss out?  Subscribe today… click here.

BREAKING NEWS: GUEST VANDALS 3 Competition Dates!

Hey ANYBODY, we are inappropriately EXCITED to announce the THIRD EVER GUEST VANDALS Competition! We’re gonna call this one GUEST VANDALS 3: The 3rd Time is Neither a Charm nor Charming. I know what you’re thinking: WHAT? WHO CARES? WHY? NO! Well, hold on and just listen for a second. We want you to grab a Sharpie and get really weird ALL OVER your worst sports cards, get a DECENT SCAN of your work, and then email it to us at baseballcardvandals@gmail.com. We know you have STRANGE & hilarious thoughts/SKILL$ just like us, and now is YOUR chance to SHINE ONLINE. We love you and we want you to SUCCEED, HARD.

So get us your submissions by WEDNESDAY, July 24. That’s over a month away, so NO EXCUSES for anything but your most EXCELLENT MEDIOCRITY. We will select 5 or so FINALISTS and post them on FRIDAY, July 26. The FINALIST with the most Facebook LIKES by MIDNIGHT ET will be the GUEST VANDALS 3 CHAMP! As always, the CHAMP will receive a HUGE CASH PRIZE MINUS THAT SAME PRIZE (THAT MAKES NO CENTS). But this time, THERE WILL BE AN ACTUAL PRIZE, TOO! We can’t tell you what it is yet though, its a SURPRIZE…

So do your BEST, FRIENDS so you can show your BEST FRIENDS who is the BEST FRIEND FOREVER.

WE LOVE YOU. 

Here are the RULEZ:

1. Use a sports card.

2. Vandalize it with a marker or pen and scan it. (No digital modifications, please.)

3. Make it hilarious, weird, embarrassing, enlightening, beautiful, bananas, gross, genius, mysterious, shitty, perfect or completely NSFW.

4. Send it to baseballcardvandals@gmail.com as a JPEG, PSD, or PDF somewhere around 520x720 pixels. Do this by JULY 24, 2013.

5. Give us your name and any other things you want us to mention on the site if you win (blog, company, website, brand, your lover’s name, etc.).

6. By submitting you give us the permission to use your image on this website and on related platforms (Twitter, Facebook, and other things like that). Also, we reserve the right to caption the image as we like, though your suggestions are welcomed and encouraged. 

If you need a DEMONSTRATION/INSPIRATION check out this motivational video:http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/354135f4f4/baseball-card-vandals-infomercial.

BREAKING-ASS NEWS: Get out your Sharpies and Terrible Cards for GUEST VANDALS Competiton #2. Send us your entries by WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10th!

Hey literally EVERYONE. We are excited to announce the second-ever GUEST VANDALS competition! (aka GUEST VANDALS 2: Lost in New York). WTF are we talking about? LISTEN. We want you to grab a Sharpie and get really weird ALL OVER your worst sports cards, and then email them to us at baseballcardvandals@gmail.com. We know you have STRANGE & hilarious thoughts/SKILL$ just like us, and now is YOUR chance to SHINE ONLINE. We love you and we want you to SUCCEED, HARD.

So get us your submissions by WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10th. We will select 5 or so FINALISTS and post them first thing in the morning Friday, April 12th for everyone to vote on. The card with the most Facebook LIKES by MIDNIGHT ET is the GUEST VANDALS 2 CHAMP! You could be the next “BUTT HAND”! As always, the winner will receive a massive CASH PRIZE of a LOT of money minus that same amount (net prize=NO money). WOW!

This isn’t Outback Steakhouse, THERE ARE RULES:

1. Use a sports card.

2. Vandalize it with a marker or pen and scan it. (No digital modifications, please.)

3. Make it hilarious, weird, embarrassing, enlightening, beautiful, bananas, gross, genius, mysterious, shitty, perfect or completely NSFW.

4. Send it to baseballcardvandals@gmail.com as a JPEG, PSD, or PDF somewhere around 520x720 pixels. Do this by APRIL 10th, 2013.

5. Give us your name and any other things you want us to mention on the site if you win (blog, company, website, brand, your lover’s name, etc.).

6. By submitting you give us the permission to use your image on this website and on related platforms (Twitter, Facebook, and other things like that). Also, we reserve the right to caption the image as we like, though your suggestions are welcomed and encouraged. 

If you need a DEMONSTRATION/INSPIRATION check out this motivational video:  http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/354135f4f4/baseball-card-vandals-infomercial.

OKAY, it’s on then. DO YOUR BEST and make your grandmother very proud or utterly ashamed. Also know that we will be biased towards people who like the Baseball Card Vandals Facebook page and who follow us on Twitter, so take care of that right now.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR FOR YOUR SUPPORT! You know we love you like cousins/lovers.

NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET TO WORK. BYE.

OMG FRIENDZ: TIME IS RUNNING OUT on the 2nd-Ever GUEST VANDALS Competition, only ONE WEEK LEFT to enter!

HEY HEY Kid$, enough CLOWNING around, it’s time to get SERIOUS about JUST JOKING (j/k). The deadline for submitting your WEIRDEST joke-on-a-card is WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10th! REMEMBER, this is your chance to show the internet what you are REALLY ALL MADE UP OF. We love to see what goes on in your BRAINZ, OKAY? TIME IS RUNNING OUT, it’s already CLEARLY AFTER 7. WOW.

We will pick 5 or so FINALISTS and post them all first thing on the morning of FRIDAY, APRIL 12, and the post with the most Facebook LIKES by midnight ET will WIN! All the rest of the DEETS are HERE: 

http://www.baseballcardvandals.com/post/45950421074/breaking-ass-news-get-out-your-sharpies-and-terrible

OK. TTYL! LOVE YOU. BYE.

BREAKING NEWS: GUEST VANDALS finalists announced tomorrow and YOU choose the winner!

WOW. We can’t believe the response and participation level for the first ever GUEST VANDALS competition. You guys have beautifully weird thoughts and aren’t afraid to draw them all over baseball cards for no reason. We are disgustingly grateful, and so we’ve decided to ask YOUR HELP in deciding the winner! This is how it will work: We will post the finalists first thing tomorrow morning. Whichever finalist post receives the most Facebook likes by MIDNIGHT will be declared the WINNER/internet CHAMPION/our new BFF.

Thanks again to all the participants and all of our fans, and don’t forget to vote tomorrow instead of doing something better for yourself or for your family! LOVE YOU. BYE.