gr:voldemort

I don’t know about you, but I find the idea of Voldemort doing normal things absolutely hilarious. Like Voldemort wakes up everyday and he poops. He spills gravy on his robes. Crunchy things get stuck on his teeth when he’s eating. Sometimes he suffers in silence because he needs to pee in the middle of death eater meetings. Sometimes he gets an accidental boner.

OK, so I was just at Starbucks and this dude ahead of me was dressed up like Voldemort and when the barista asked his name he said “Tommy.” I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I’m sure he’s been planning that pun for at least a month.

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Albus sent ya, hallelujah (Whoo)
Albus sent ya, hallelujah (Whoo)

Albus sent ya, hallelujah (Whoo)
Cuz Dark Lord Funk gon’ give it to ya!
Cuz Dark Lord Funk gon’ give it to ya!
Cuz Dark Lord Funk gon’ give it to ya!
Saturday night and we takin Hogwarts
Don’t believe me, just watch! (Come on!)

:D

The dark arts file: Horcruxes

Harry let out a hastily stifled gasp. Voldemort had entered the room. His features were not those Harry had seen emerge from the great stone caldron almost two years before; they were not as snakelike, the eyes were not yet scarlet, the face not yet masklike, and yet he was no longer handsome Tom Riddle. He was as though his features had been burned and blurred; they were waxy and oddly distorted, and the whites of the eyes now had a permanent bloody look, though the pupils were not yet the slits that Harry knew they would become.

I like the idea that making an horcrux takes a physical toll on the wizard, and Voldemort made five before his fall (Harry was the accidental sixth and Nagini the seventh), so that’s how good-looking he was when he went to ask Dumbledore for a job. The films made a mess out of his timeline and I had forgotten that he had a gross phase after the handsome phase and before the snake phase.

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Dark Lord Funk

Best Harry Potter song parody I’ve seen in a long time.

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I was amused.