Adie has her face pressed into my chest as she lets an
out ear piercing cry after ear piercing cry and I can feel my own tears coming
on as I try my hardest to prevent them. It’s nearly been an hour and I haven’t
been able to calm her down in the slightest.
Never did I think I would feel like this. As much as I
love my little girl something just doesn’t feel right at the moment and I can’t
just shake the feeling that is plaguing me.
Postnatal depression had never occurred to me. Harry was
absent longer and more days of the week leaving me alone with her more often
and it’s made me realise just how much I need him throughout the day to help me
and how unplanned all of this was.
“Come on baby girl, calm down.” I shush her as I bounce
her a bit more letting out a deep breath as I try to calm myself.
She replies to my soothing words with another scream from
her small lungs. Giving another shush as I sway her in my arms I make my way
towards her bedroom to put her in her bed. It’s all getting a bit too much for
Once she’s lied down in the bed she calms a little but
she begins to twist and turn on the mattress and I place my hand down to steady
her which causes her to cry even more. I steady her body in the bed to prevent
her from moving to her stomach to harm her breathing if she ends up on her
stomach, I leave the room letting a couple of tears fall loose as I make my way
downstairs to a quiet room of the house.
I can’t stop the tightness that takes over my chest. I
try to breathe, hoping to relive the ache but it just makes it worse. I can
still hear Adie crying upstairs and I allow my head to drop down into my cupped
hands tears falling from my eyes. Hiccupping more when the warm saltiness settles
on my lips I try to block out the noises echoing through the house.
“(Y/N),” I hear Harry’s voice interrupt everything.
A loud sob breaks through my body alerting Harry to the
location of where I am in this large house. His large hands are quick to wrap themselves
around my wrists pulling my hands away from my face forcing me to look at him.
“What’s wrong?” He asks softly.
This is not the first time that I’ve had a break down
like this. When we first went public with our relationship the overwhelming feeling
with all the media and fan attention sent me over into a similar state to what I
Shaking my head at him I don’t even try to stop the
tears. I honestly don’t know what to say to him. I’m overwhelmed by our
daughter and our life. He’s not going to be able to handle that.
“It’s okay, baby. Just talk to me.” His voice is soft and
his fingers massage over my shaking hands.
“I can’t get her to stop crying.” I whisper my voice even
softer than what his was.
He smiles softly and I hear a smooth chuckle leave his
soft pink lips. “She’s going to cry sweetheart. She’s a baby that’s just what
“I don’t know if I can do it anymore.” Just like I knew
Harry doesn’t take the words well.
He freezes and he drops my hands but what he does next surprises
me. He stands lifting me from the large cushioned chair I had taken refuge in
and sits back down pulling me into his chest as he gently places me down onto
his lap. His hand pushes stray pieces of my hair that had stuck to my tear
stained cheeks back and wipes away the still falling drops.
“Yes you can.” He states firmly, “You’re strong enough
for this but if you need help tell me please. I don’t want you to work yourself
into a bad place.”
I know he’s asking if I’m depressed. I don’t know whether
I am or not but I do know that I need him by my side to help me at the moment.
“Never hesitate to call me if you have the slightest
doubt. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll help you.” He interrupts my thoughts.
Leaning forward I press my lips to his savouring in the
love that he has for me and how effortlessly he delivers it to me. “I love you,”
I whisper against his lips, accepting what he said.
“Listen,” he replies.
It’s quiet, I don’t know what he’s telli- it’s quiet. I
smile at Harry and drop my head back down to his chest sinking into the warmth
as he relaxes back into the chair pulling me with him. She’s asleep and will be
for a while hopefully since she has worn herself out.
His hand slips up over the skin of my hip beneath my
shirt. “I love you too,” he whispers pulling my shirt up over my head,
distracting me from the disastrous thoughts that were threatening to take me.
“You definitely know how to calm a girl down don’t you.” I
say back to him my hands beginning to undo the buttons of his shirt my fingers
tickling lightly over the tattooed skin of his chest.
Suddenly I’m underneath Harry on the chair that is more
like a large ottoman lounge chair. My hands are quick to move to his belt as
his move up my back to pull my bra off as I allow him to love me in a way that
only he knows how to. With his hands caressing my body I know that I love him
and I love my life with him, especially our daughter.