I'm sorry for being a failure.

Why do I constantly fail.

I try so hard.

I care so much.

I love so deeply.

I support so strongly.

And yet, I fail so badly.

How.

I give everything to those I care about. I listen, I do my best to understand. I give all the support I can to someone who tells me they have a goal or need in their lives.

Yet somehow, it’s never enough. I give myself 100%. Still, not enough. I cannot give less when I care for someone who is hurting.

What can I possibly do? Do nothing, say nothing. Watch the most important thing in the world get damaged by others who don’t care.

I’d step in front of a bullet for this person, how could I not try to stand between them and more pain? The last thing they need is more pain in their life.

I know that I cause them much pain, because of past memories. But I truly believe that if we talked together, tried, just TRIED to work through it, maybe we could start to heal. Bottling it up hasn’t worked for four years. It’s not going to suddenly help now.

I failed in the past, and now that I’m aware enough to try, to care, to love, I am pushed away over and over.

I wish they would scream at me, punch me, kick me, beat me until I had to go to the hospital and barely survived. I’d deserve it, and more.

I would do anything for this person. I would do anything to protect this person. I owe them more than I could ever repay, but I will try. I love them more than I could ever explain, but I will try.

What more can I do, but continue to try.

Maybe this time they’ll see how sorry I am.

Maybe this time they’ll see how much I care.

Maybe this time they’ll see how much I am giving.

Maybe this time they’ll hear the concern in my voice.

Maybe this time they’ll feel my love in their heart, even for just a moment.

Maybe, I hope.

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