My name is K and I am a 24 year old Mother to a beautiful 2 year old boy. My life is in a wonderful place right now, however life was not always so easy for me.
I was born with a mother who was addicted to crack cocaine and heroin by the time I was 2 years old, and a father who was not truly aware of my existance. Though life from birth should have been very hard for me I was blessed with the most loving and compassionate Grandmother who brought me up in my catholic faith and always kept God in our life and in our hearts. It was through my Grandma that I learned everything I ever could about life. She was more of a mother to me then my own mother who was in and out of my life constantly. My constant was my Grandma and it was through her that I learned even though I did not have the greatest parents on earth I had a Father (Jesus) and Mother (Mary) in heaven who loved me more then life itself and would never leave my side.
When I was a little girl I truly loved Jesus and God. I was always trying to do things to make him happy and to keep strong in my catholic faith. I prayed day in and day out for my own mother to one day see the error of her actions and to come home for good. However due to her free will she continued to abuse drugs and grow farther and farther apart from me and our family. I stayed strong always because I had my Grandma by my side who day in and day out showed me unconditional love. The same very love that Jesus shows us. Those years could have been the worst years but because I was brought up so well they were truly the happiest years of my life.
When I was almost 13 years old I woke up one day to find that my Grandmother had been taken from me due to a massive heart attack. She was in heaven now and I became angry and hurt more then ever. The first few months I begged God to send her back to me. I begged him to keep me strong and I pleaded and asked him why he had to do this to me. Without her I was all alone. My mother came back into my life and so did the drugs. Our family was consumed by her evil addiction and my support systems crumbled in front of my eyes. I was confirmed in May of 2003, just a few short months after her passing. I remember being so angry and depressed that day on what should have been one of the happiest days of my life. I selfishly struggled with the idea that God could exist at all if he would take away the one person I needed more then life itself. I decided I was an atheist, and if it were true that God was here that he hated me because he gave me this painful life.
Life continued to get harder and harder. My mother drained all of our family’s money and so we lost our house in the only town I had ever been in and moved down to Florida. Things continued to escelate as drug dealers were in and out of the house, cops knocking at the door, crack addicts, stealing, lying, and abuse became the norm. I became more bitter and more bitter as time went on. I was a troubled child but in all of this I decided that I would never choose to touch the very thing that destroyed my family so much. I vowed to never touch drugs or to abuse alcohol or smoke ciggarettes. I vowed to stay clean and to never turn into the woman my mother chose to be.
Through all of this I met a young man named R who was 7 years older then me. I was 15 and he was 22 and while I knew in my heart this relationship was wrong he was the only one to pull me out of this hell I learned to know so well. By this time I had a 2 year old sister T who was living in this very hell with me. I loved her and wanted to get her out of this. I knew for sure that neither of us deserved this so I begged R to please get us out of Florida. And his parents did. When I arrived back in NY I knew I needed to get my baby sister and aunt who was her primary care giver out of that hell. My aunts friend was able to loan her enough money to get back to NY and we went apartment searching right away. I found them an apartment not far away from us where they would continue to live until we would all move in together down the road. I quickly found that I was in an abusive relationship. I was being hit weekly and emotionally abused almost daily but I had such little respect for myself that I truly felt that this is all I deserved. This is the man that got me out of the one hell I knew and put me into another.
The older I got the smarter I got and realized that I must leave this relationship if I cared about my future at all. Through these 6 years from the age of 15 to 21 I had deep depression and hurt to work through from my past and from the current life I had been living. I turned to all sorts of religions but the main one i dabbled in was wicca and witchcraft. I just wanted to find purpose and direction in my life. All along knowing that this truly was not the right path for me. But i was terrified to come back to the church, terrified for how long I’d been away and all the sins I had tallied up over the years.
It was not until God moved my life into a totally different place that I was able to see the error in my thinking. In march of 2011 I met a young man named D who was around the same age as me. Never before had I been able to up and leave R without fear but having D in my life changed everything. This is why I truly believe that God placed each other in our lives. One night R had decided to choke me after finding out I was speaking to someone on the phone. I said enough was enough and got some of my things and left to my aunts never to look back again.
Things with me and D moved fast and not after long I found I was pregnant with a baby boy. 9 Months later and our son was born. Having my son opened my eyes to my past, my present, and my future. Having a child changes everything and I knew from that day forward that I must live my life with PURPOSE. I’ve gone through a lot of heartache and hurt also trying to understand my past. Looking down at my little boy and loving him with every inch of me and then struggling to understand why my parents did not love me in that same way. It’s been a hard road but one I am working on every day.
When our son was 4 months old we got him baptized in the catholic church. It was never a question of how I would raise my children…even if there were so many reasons why I was scared to go back to mass myself. I knew it was the only way. Being my sisters Godmother as well and making sure she has Jesus in her life as I did when I was a little girl. As time went on something clicked in me. I realized that God was the one who had seen me through all of my darkest days. I realized that I was so very wrong when I thought that God had forsaken me and that my life path was MEANT to be this way for a reason. I still feel as though I am here for a reason, to spread the word about the truth. The truth about drugs and what it does to family’s the truth about the catholic church, and the truth about God never leaving any of us.
A few months ago I walked into mass with my fiance and sister and never looked back. I feel more and more pulled to the catholic church every day. I feel home again more then EVER and at peace with things that have happened and things that are to come. My first confession in 11 years was a very hard one but a good one. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders almost instantly. I love going to mass and I am helping my fiance to covert to catholicism as well. We will be married in the catholic church in April of 2015.
When you put God first in your life and pray and choose to do good, life really does have a way of just getting better and better. I have only just “come home” and I have many, many years ahead of me to learn and grow in my faith. EWTN and the show “catholics come home” also gives me hope and shows me that I am not alone. We all go through things in life that change us forever but how we deal with them is what makes us who we are. I’ve been there and back but life has only just begun for me and I know it can be this way for so many countless others. I truly wish to share my story and to help the many others who have strayed from the church. If i left for 11 years and came back anyone can. I may have left God but God had never left me. Thank you for hearing my story and God Bless.
Please help reblog this story to help other catholic’s come home too! It’s never too late to come home to the catholic church <3