Thank you guys so much!!! I never thought I’d hit 1,000+ followers, this is a huge milestone for me!! I wish I could do something fancy like a giveaway again, but I’m rather busy with other stuff- probably in my next a hundred or two, golly oh man.
I hope you all have a rad day, and all of you find a dollar on the ground. Thank you to all of you, new followers and old loyal ones too. uvu
Instead of Bilbo, Gandalf finds Lobelia instead, loitering about Bag End. She wants nothing of adventure, but she is still a hobbit (if rude af) and invites Gandalf to tea. He is intreagued. She goes on the adventure instead and terrorizes the dwarves the whole way. She makes gollum take a bath before she will speak with him. She gives Thranduil a piece of her mind. She chases Smaug out of the mountain with the power of her parisol. She is a force to be reckoned with.
GIRL, I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND THAT I POSTED THIS, BECAUSE HOLY HABANEROS ON WHEELS, YEEEEEEEEEEEES! YES YES YES YES AND MMHM.
Beautiful, goldberryintherushes, this is beautiful. Snort, Lobelia vs. Thranduil…Oh GOD, WAIT: LOBELIA VS. THORIN IN A BATTLE OF WHO-IS-LESS-WORTHY! THE WORLD WOULD IMPLODE. Lobelia with the whole Company tbh. She’d like Dori’s fine manners, respect Gloin’s frugal nature and Oin’s skill. Bifur might scare her at first, though she’d be loathe to admit it! People who are kind like Bofur would grate on her—as far as she knows, he’s faking it. She’d cozy up to Bombur quick enough, because ANY HOBBIT enjoys a good cook. Nori would infuriate her to no end (as she steadfastly ignores her own thievish tendencies..Those spoons were HER’S!) She’d be surprisingly sweet to Ori, young as he is; he can’t be blamed for being a dwarf. Kili and Fili would come to FEAR HER. Balin would groan upon her seeing the top of her parasol, and Dwalin would wonder why she brought the damn thing! Because it is a fine blunt weapon, Dwalin. Haha.
I love Bilbo, don’t get me wrong.I do! Bilbo baby, you brave brave Hobbit.
BUT LOBELIA. GOD, LOBELIA YOU SO-AND-SO. TAKING NO SHIT AND EATING ORCS FOR SECOND BREAKFAST!!
(Especially rounded character Lobelia whose more than just a judgmental bitch. Ooof I want 500. OH. What about her thinking Bilbo wasn’t up to the task of going on a dangerous quest not that she cares what happens to that bothersome bachelor, AND—acting like she’s just doing it simply for her own self-interests, and definitely NOT because she’s worried Bilbo could get hurt—she goes in his stead. GAAAAAAAAAAH.)
Haha, imagine her waylaying poor Gandalf—parasol blocking his knees and sneer on her face—as she questions why the devil he was vandalizing private property with that giant splinter of his! Property that should and could eventually be her’s, after all, and well—if he wants Dwarves to ransack a place, send them to her home instead.
Maybe Gandalf might even see a hint of Belladonna in this impertinent, overly-dressed hobbitess.
Just constantly sounding like you’re trying to bullshit your way into the prison section of the Death Star…
[gif of Han Solo saying “Everything is under control. Situation normal. Uh, had a slight weapons malfunctions. But uh, everything’s perfectly alright now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?”]
Could you stop bitching for two seconds, you dumb attention seeking slut? Nobody gives a fuck and its annoying.
Wow, anon…no. I can’t. Unfortunately, I suffer from terminal Idungiveafuckitis. Doctors have yet to discover a cure, and gee whiz I sure am lucky that my family and friends have stuck with me through this difficult time.
I really would love to stay and tell you in precise detail just how insignificant this comment is, but I have to alert the town crier that he must travel far and wide to tell every able-bodied young person that if they can tug out that giant stick you have shoved up your rectum, they’ll be named the rightful King of England.