Sigh, guess this was gonna come up sooner or later. Just a matter of time, as always.
Do i really need to be liked by everyone? Somehow I feel the whole world is against me again. It probably is really just my usual selfish, egotistical thoughts coming in.
Must I get so jealous if someone has the whole world, and yet has no idea? Friends all beg and crawl just to be next to them, parents willing to give them whatever they want without asking for it, not having to spend a single dime on anything because whenever they want something, others clamor to get it for them.
Why must everything that I so desperately dream of, be so willingly handed over to them without their appreciation? Hmm, maybe I was asking for it in the first place. I probably did have all those things in one particular time of my sad life, but then I threw it away for God knows what reasons.
I probably didn’t do it on purpose, because come to think of it, I don’t really care about what people think about my actions nowadays. As impulsive as they may be, I feel that people shouldn’t give shit about what I do because I want to do it my way.
Then again, I want to feel appreciated for more than just a tiny moment. Like do you find it so hard in your “busy” life to spend sometime and appreciate the things I go through for you? Can’t believe that sometimes, you don’t understand me at all. Can’t you just do something special for me? At least once? I had to lie about so many things just so you wouldn’t feel bad.
I guess yet again, I brought it on myself. I tell people A when it’s actually B. I don’t know if it’s to protect them or to protect me. I guess I do it to everyone without actually knowing what I’m doing.
Can’t wait for the day where someone really appreciates me and understands me, to the core. Until that day, I’ll keep everything bottled inside. Until that day, my heart will be locked to myself. When that person arrives, they’ll have my heart and soul. If that person ever rejects me, I think I’ll be torn to shreds, never to get back again, for seriously, opening up my heart is probably the hardest thing to do for me.
But waiting for that day?기다리다 지친다.