When you spend all night burying the body of your law professor’s dead husband and she refuses to cancel the final exam for you. 

Attn: Single People on Valentine's Day

Are you single and mope-y on Valentine’s Day? 

Step 1.) Starting right away get reservations at as many of the nice restaurants in your town as possible.

Step 2.) Sell the reservations at a steep premium to all the gross love bunnies you know.

Step 3.) When they’re scraping pennies together to cuddle after a romantic meal you can cuddle up to some cool, hard cash. 

Love, Ezra


Tumblr I just feel like we can all use this helpful reminder to put your mind to it, go for it, break a sweat, and rock n’ roll, not necessarily in that exact order

there’s this really sweet and softspoken girl that I work with, and tonight she asked me to help her find the price for a sweater that a customer was interested in. part of the ticket was ripped off, so I could only read the coding at the top as well as the mass retailer price the sweater generally went for. given the designer name, the type of material, and what the coding on the ticket told me, I knew the sweater was $50. so I was standing nearby as my coworker went up to tell the woman how much the article of clothing was, and this woman started talking down to her and telling her that she was wrong and throwing a huge bitch fit saying “sweaters aren’t that expensive” and this girl is so sweet and mild and I was like wooow okay fuck no and so I went up to the lady and said “ma’am, that sweater is $50. that’s a brand name knit sweater. cashmere are double the price easily. I’m sorry but that’s the only price we can sell it to you for.”

and so this lady starts p much foaming at the mouth and is like “YOU’RE WRONG I KNOW YOU’RE WRONG THIS LITTLE GIRL HERE IS TRYING TO CHEAT ME OUT OF MONEY THERE’S NO WAY THE SWEATER’S THIS EXPENSIVE GET ME YOUR MANAGER THIS INSTANT” and I was just sitting there thinking k bitch whatever u say and so I looked at her and said “I  can absolutely get you a manager. but the sweater is still going to be $50.” and she said lmao “no it won’t, your manager will discount it for me.”

and then looooooooooooooooooooool my manager came up and the woman complained about me and my manager completely shot her down.

I have these two amazing lip balms; one is like mint and the other is vanilla. & whenever i put it on and someones by me i tell them they should try it its amazing. But can some cute guy pls be smooth and say like, ” oh yeah! I bet it would be even better if I tried it from your lips” like come on

Today a guy was trying to shove me off the bench so I threatened to kick him in the balls thinking he’d back off but no he said “I dare you” repeatedly, I gave him fair warnings before I did it but my foot caught his knee instead

He was in agony mostly because he hadnt expected me to actually do it but when you challenge me it just makes me ten times more likely to actually kick you in the balls