anonymous asked:

In your rape culture video, you mentioned that virginity ignores sexuality for queer transgender folks. Could you explain that just a little deeper please? I don't seem to understand entirely what you meant.

Sure! So I talked about how virginity was a social construct, and originally virginity was used as a marker of a woman’s value as a wife. Fathers were “gatekeepers” for their daughters’ virginities so they would be more valuable to potential husbands. This is where the concept of virginity came from–a time when women’s bodies were property. Men would actually do “hymen checks” on girls to make sure they were virgins (which is a super flawed system because there are several different types of hymens, hymens can be broken or stretched doing non-sexual activity, and some people are born without hymens at all). 

Anyway, the idea was that any cis woman (although not that they would even recognize the existence of trans people back in the day) who had intercourse (penis in vagina–this system did not recognize any other type of sex) would have a “broken” hymen and thus would not be considered a virgin. 

This system is very flawed, however, because it invalidates any other type of sex (anal, oral, manual, etc.). And since this is still widely the way we determine whether or not someone is a virgin today, many queer people and other sexual minorities find themselves unsure if the type of sex they have “counts”. 

For example, a gay man might wonder if he is still a virgin if he has anal intercourse with another man because a vagina isn’t involved. Or a lesbian woman might wonder if sex that doesn’t involve being penetrated by a penis “counts”. 

It also can be considered transphobic because it heavily centers around genitalia. It limits people and sex to body parts. What if a trans man who opts not to have gender affirming surgery (such as sex reassignment surgery) has sex with a cis woman in a relationship they define as heterosexual? Does that mean he is a virgin because the genitalia he was born with doesn’t fit the societal expectation of “maleness”? 

Basically, the concept of virginity is an archaic social construct that confines sex to p-in-v intercourse and equates people with their genitalia based on hetero-and-cissexist (as well as misogynistic) assumptions about sexuality.

why dogs are infinitely better than people
  • dogs won’t judge you for being gay, lesbian, bi, or anything else
  • dogs won’t judge you for your genitals. they’ll stick their face down there no matter what you have
  • dogs aren’t racist  - LITERALLY COLORBLIND
  • dogs won’t tell you your mental illness isn’t real they just want to make you feel better
  • dogs love you unconditionally no matter your race, gender, sexual orientation or state of mind and that is WAY better than a lot of people.

transgender and nonbinary are very similar but not the same

technically, nonbinary people are transgender. transgender means people who no longer identify with the gender they were assigned at birth

but nonbinary specifically refers to people who identify with genders that are outside of the gender binary

the gender binary is “male and female”. those two genders are considered binary genders. because we’re all taught those are the only two genders

nonbinary genders are genders such as agender (not identifying with any gender), genderfluid (moving across genders), trigender (identifying as male, female and a third gender that is hard to describe) plus many others!

because of those differences. people who are male to female, or female to male, are referred to as transgender. while people who identify as non binary genders, are referred to as nonbinary

its mostly a specifics thing !!


Bruce Jenner Interview 2015 With Diane Sawyer - FULL Interview - 20/20 Full Episodes

#Tolerance  #Society #Lifestyle




You have sex out of wedlock, eat beyond the point of fullness, have chemically modified your hair, have piercings, tattoos, have slandered another’s name, have danced in lust, have lusted after others, have been jealous, have been envious, have engaged in false worship, or idol worship, have judge the heart of others in malice, have worn two different types of fabrics together, have worked on the Sabbath, have drank spirits in mass consumption, have forgotten to be close to God in every action, have been a sloth, and yet… you worried about Bruce Jenner and her gender identity, you worried about the wrong thing.

My angry email to Tinder after having my account frozen


My name is Pol, and I am a new user of Tinder as of yesterday evening, however, my account is currently under review because I have been “reported by users too many times.”

Here’s the thing: none of my photos or anything in my bio breaks the Tinder guidelines. Also, I haven’t even had the chance to send a single message to any of my Tinder matches because it only took about an hour after setting up my profile for it to be frozen. So what am I being reported for?

What I’m thinking is, and maybe this is a reach, but I really do suspect a number of heterosexual men flagged my profile post-match simply because I am a trans woman. My profile indicates that I am female (though I do state that I am trans in my bio) because there is no transgender option in that sense (perhaps this is something to consider for future versions of Tinder or may even be the basis for a sister app). Thus, my match pool involves those who are attracted to women, which I consider myself to be regardless of my coercively assigned gender.

The funny part is, I was getting matches left and right until I suppose these Tinder users decided to actually read my profile and felt some kind of way about being attracted to a girl like me at first glance.

“Why so serious?” you might be wondering to yourself, because here I am riled up about something that exists solely digitally.

Please hear me out when I say that there are not very many safe places to meet people in real life for a trans woman, especially a trans woman of color such as myself, as we are murdered more often than not in the U.S. Yes, Online dating/dating apps are a way to prescreen potential partners without scorn or the threat of violence, because in real life, men do worse things than report us when they “find out” what we are.

I’m going off on a tangent at this point, but long story short, I think my profile should be reinstated lest I move over to some other dating app that has zero tolerance for blatant transmisogyny. Sadly, if this situation is any indication, there probably are none out there.

Thank you,

Pol A. Rocha

Going by pro-transgender logic

If trans women are women and trans men are men because their brains resemble that of women and men respectively…

Then hard drug users with damaged prefrontal cortices–the part of the brain that sets humans apart from other species–are less than human. (Which is biologically untrue and morally repulsive.)

Then people with developmental delays are truly younger than the number of years they’ve been alive. (Which is what ableists believe.)

Then minors with adult-like knowledge, experience, and maturity level are actually on par with adults. (Which is a justification some pedophiles use.)

Then amputees experiencing phantom limbs truly have two arms/legs. (Which is obviously false. Come on.)

Those are the conclusions you could draw from abiding by that logic. The reality is, some things aren’t defined by what’s inside your head.

One ironic consequence of the push to understand gender as a more fluid spectrum or cloud has been that parents are sometimes too eager to assign fluidity or transness to cis kids who are just exploring. That little girl with butch tendencies (and why do we need to assign things like loving car repair and tractors to butches anyway?) is, quite likely, just a little girl, and she may well grow into a woman who loves mechanical things and goes into engineering or runs her own auto shop or whatever else she wants to do. Or maybe as she grows up, she becomes less interested in those things, trading in model trains for equestrian sports or basketball, turning her focus on tractors into an interest in farming. Who knows who kids are going to be, and they shouldn’t be suppressed or dictated to.
Gender and Gender Identity

I just finished watching the 20/20 Bruce Jenner interview, and I am so proud of and happy for him (I’m saying “him” because in the interview with Diane Sawyer he said that that’s still his preferred pronoun at the moment). But yeah, what a historic interview.

The point of this text post though is just that I have a lot on my mind right now about gender and gender identity. And it honestly just makes me angry that society tries to put everyone in two different boxes: one marked “Boy” and one marked “Girl”. The more I think about it and the older I get, the more it upsets me (and confuses me) that society does this. It makes so many people, especially transgender people, confused about who they are, and sad and scared about their lives and their futures. It’s just so unfair. 

Then it makes me start to wonder about my own gender/gender identity. I’m a gay man. I know I’m not transgender. I’ve never felt like a girl “trapped” in a boy’s body. I don’t feel the desire or need to have the physical traits of a female, like breasts and a vagina. I do not want to put on make-up and dress in skirts and stuff. I am comfortable with my genitalia and my body.

But, that being said, I also don’t fully relate to men. Actually, I relate to women a lot more. When I’m with friends or family, I’m always hanging around and talking to the girls. All of my friends are female. But that’s where society comes into play again, and the reason I get so confused about gender and gender identity. I grew up seeing and being told that boys are tough and strong and “masculine”. That they like trucks and cars and wrestling and Ninja Turtles. But I was never like that, ever. Thankfully I have amazing parents who let me play with “girl toys” (I fucking hate that term). I played with Barbies rather than GI Joe. I loved Beanie Babies and Sailor Moon. I was told my whole life that I was “girly” and “feminine”. But why does everyone feel the need to put it that way? I mean, I am not a girl. I am not a woman. I am a man, a gay man, and just because I liked dolls and teddy bears shouldn’t make me less of a man, you know what I mean?

But because society’s view of a man is masculine and rugged and tough, it confuses me because it makes me question my own identity. I know I’m not a woman in the sense where I want to dress like one and have different genitalia. But do I prefer the friendship and company of women? 100%. Do I watch TV shows and relate so much more to the female characters then to the male ones? Absolutely. But that’s just because I’m a “different” kind of man, right? I’m homosexual, so obviously that’s the main reason I act/like what I do. But why does there have to so many labels about what makes a man a man and what makes a woman a woman? Why can’t we all just… be.

Ugh I’m so sorry if I’m rambling or not making sense, I’m just confused and annoyed that I can’t just be me, and that everyone out there can’t just be them without society and the media pointing fingers and saying otherwise. 

If anyone wants to message me to discuss this I would really like that too, so please don’t hesitate to contact me if you’re just as confused as me. Maybe we can even help each other.

azelpop asked:

Hello!! I'm trying to figure out my gender right now, and I think I may have figured it out but i don't know if there's a label for it? It's just, sometimes I'm a girl, and sometimes my gender doesn't matter to me and i feel NO connection to it whatsoever. I've begun identifying that as nonbinary, so I guess I'm a girl sometimes and non binary the rest of the time?? Does that make me genderfluid, or something else? Thank you ! <3

You can use genderfluid, as you’re shifting between a state of being a girl and not being a girl. You could be bigender girl/other, you could be a demigirl (Almost a girl but not quite) or all sorts of terms. If genderfluid is the one that sounds right to you, then you’re absolutely genderfluid.

-Lou the Lobster

Serious Talk Time

Okay. So, pretty much my entire life I have identified as female. I’ve been told by everyone that I am a girl. But, throughout my life, I have said, “I wish I were a boy” or “look I’m a boy!” when I put my hair up in a hat or something. People would just rub it off as a joke.

But now, I’ve started to realize that there are some days that I identify as male and other days that I identify as female. I am pretty sure, correct me if I am wrong, that this is called gender fluid. 

I am now asking you all to be supportive of me and just ask me each day what pronouns I prefer so as to not misgender me. Right now I would like she/her. Tomorrow could be different. Just ask me and I will let you know. And if you don’t know, just use they/them/their. :)

Thank you all,


thehomoschedule asked:

The Washington Post claims that at some point Jenner said the interview was the last time she would use he/him/his pronouns. I can't send you a link through the ask box, but the piece is titled: Bruce Jenner’s in-depth interview: ‘For all intents and purposes, I am a woman’. I don't know how much weight to give it, but it's something to look at.

It is apparent that Jenner wanted to use he/his pronouns surrounding the interview itself, but clearly identifies as a woman. As you noted, and as everything that I have seen indicates, this will be Jenner’s last public interview presenting male. But there is still (obviously) some degree of confusion around preferred pronouns in the interim.

As someone who personally lives with a fair bit of ambiguity in my own gender presentation and pronoun usage, I care greatly about trying to respect intentions. I have never identified myself as “male” but for a number of reasons use he/him/his pronouns in some contexts by choice. When people use those pronouns, they are not misgendering me, they are respecting a choice that I have made within that space. My gender identity remains constant regardless of my pronoun usage. It can be confusing at times, but that is the nature of trying to negotiate things that do not fit neatly into a binary experience.

In Jenner’s case we are in a pretty fuzzy spot. I absolutely, 100% respect and see Jenner as a woman. At the same time Jenner may wish to be publicly referred to as Bruce and use he/his pronouns up until that point of returning to the public eye presenting female. I cannot be entirely sure since I am only going off of publicly available interview footage and coverage, but I have a great deal of respect for GLAAD as an organization, and their coverage of things would seem to indicate that may be the case. If that ends up being incorrect, I will absolutely apologize and correct things to reflect that reality.

I am not going to fault someone who uses she/her/hers pronouns (as Jenner used them in the interview at times and we are very much in a transitional space here). I know the media often makes mistakes around pronouns, but in this case every indication seems to be that he/his pronouns are still the ones that are publicly preferred for the time being in covering this story and am trying to do my part in respecting that, while simultaneously acknowledging that absolutely, yes, without question, Bruce Jenner is a woman.

Fuzzy stuff is fuzzy.

anonymous asked:

I have a question about your "no gender" infographic. You explain the significance of gender via other concepts such as marriage, political affiliation, nationality, etc. I still don't get it though. Marriage results in tax benefits, nationality entails specific legal rights, political affiliation can give others a quick indication of your beliefs regarding various topics. How does gender compare? If any trait/behavior formerly assigned to a gender is negotionable, isn't gender essentially 1/2

a moot point? Rather than being socially constructed, I have read studies that suggest that gender might have a biological component. In a nutshell: FtM transgender people’s brains were (in some areas) closer to cisM brains than to cisF brains. I’m really having trouble wrapping my head around this concept of gender, because I can’t seem to “feel” my gender. Shed some more light on this please? 

I hope this won’t end up being too long, but it probably will.

As a warning - I’m not a gender studies pscyhologist. Nor am I a neurologist. However, I have SOME background in how brains and sociology function in relation to my own field - linguistics. Also, I believe that science should not be inaccessible to people who have not devoted their life to it. Science should be a constant ongoing discussion. I’ll try not to make too many overarching claims though. 

1 - Marriage results in tax benefits. Nationality results is specific legal rights. Well… so does perceived gender. WE set these results. They do not occur organically because the Great Mother Nature wills into being. We decide, as a society, what Marriage results in. A simple village union? A tax benefits break? A political claim to your combined offspring? This is different all over the world. Marriage works in different ways in different countries. Nationality does as well. So does gender. 

It’s true that any trait formerly assigned to gender is negotiable. So is any trait assigned to nationality. So is any trait assigned to religious belief. Really, anything is negotiable, to the extent that any group is willing to negotiate it. 

2 - I’ve also read various studies about “brain gender” .There are many studies on the science of the human mind in general. Some suggest that ‘girl brains’ and ‘boy brains’ are the thing that make girls and boys behave differently at the onset of their personhood. That’s why boys are typically read as more violent and pushy and girls as more social and rule-abiding. 

There are also studies that indicate that a girl and a boy’s brain is LESS different than the brain of a London taxi-driver and someone who’s only visited London once. (source)

The point? 

Brains are different. ALL brains - and “girl” and “boy” brains are not always different in the same way. Humans ARE the brains. We just have bodies to go with it. And our brain has hardcore settings that we are grown with, and it also has things that change as we mature as organisms.

(From hereonforth, I’ll be referring to “assigned-male” individuals as boys, similarly to “assigned female” individuals as girls in order to demonstrate how the parenting individuals perceive and react to this assigned gender.) 

A large part of this can be seen in the fact that boys that are naturally more social and emotional are usually trained out of it by the standards society sets for them. Until recently, there has not been any severe challenge to parenting boys with things like “boys will be boys” as a response to violent harassment of playmates and “boys don’t cry“ when they are hurt by something and have an emotional reaction. Similarly, girls have traditionally been parented with a direction and setting of “girls should be cute” and “girls should be demure”. 

The generation that’s growing up challenging these things wide-scale? They’re still not done growing up. The suggestion to change this (AND the active attempt TO change it) is still in the works. We cannot properly determine what changes would take place if we were to parent gender-neutrally in terms of development until we’ve seen several hundreds worth of results. I’m not aware of many studies that do this. 

So my point is - I personally do not believe there are “girl brains” or “boy brains” or “none brains with left genderqueer”. There are brains, and by structure, they can probably be categorized into sections like “more prone to team-work” or “more prone to rash life-endangering decisions” but these qualities do not indicate that they are more or less likely to come with a matching penis or vagina. They are brains which develop in accordance to whatever chemistry our body does when we are in the womb, and they are brains which are influenced by both nature AND nurture throughout our lifetime. They are not stone organs, they grow and change. 

And our gender, similarly, is something that is a reaction to our society having categories for gender. Our brains DO have a gender. It’s not a fake thing. But it isn’t a thing that is a little on-and-off switch. It’s something complex that we feel based on how we perceive ourselves in our society, what role we perceive we should be in, and what our personal identification without our families, communities, and peer-groups is. 

If you do not feel like you have a gender, then maybe you’re looking too hard for a sign that lights up neon and points you in a single direction. I think a real sign of gender would be more akin to looking at yourself as you would like to be perceived by your friends and family, where you feel comfortable, what future you feel most happy with when you see yourself maturing and growing as a person, not as a set of genitals. 

At least, that’s my take on it. 

anonymous asked:

Is gender appropriation even a thing? Also, do you think it's weird that we have to call it dressing in drag or cross-dressing when men wear feminine clothes, but we don't do that for women who wear masculine clothes? Is that kind of vocabulary necessary? Or should we get rid of it so as to normalize dressing in a feminine manner.

I mean, I think the reason we normalize masculine clothes is definitely a function of patriarchy (I talk about this a bit in my What is the Patriarchy? video). I don’t think referring to men simply dressing in feminine clothes in everyday life as cross-dressing or drag is appropriate (depending on their gender identity. Some cis men wanna express in a feminine way through their clothing. Same with non-binary and gender non-conforming folks, but of course the identity of maleness shouldn’t be forced onto them if they have stated they don’t identify as men. Trans women on the other hand should never be referred to “cross-dressing men” because that’s horribly invalidating of their gender identity). However, there is definitely a such thing as “drag culture” where dressing in drag and putting on drag shows is considered a performance or an art form and that’s more what we’re discussing here. 

As far as gender appropriation goes, I know in the past it has been used as an essentialist argument to invalidate trans women and has been used for incredibly transphobic reasons. The main thing I would be concerned about with “gender appropriation” (whether or not it is a valid thing, idk) is if it harms the trans community, which is a point several people have brought up in this discussion so far. It’s less about this idea of gender appropriation though and more about whether or not certain aspects of drag culture are harmful.