Oh geez, Business would be a terror. It’s a good thing reality tv shows need pissy divas because that’s exactly what he would be. Not to say he wouldn’t be a good dancer, heavens no. He would be brilliant, everything clean and technically perfect. I can’t decide whether he would audition alone or, if he’s an assorted ballroom type, bring someone with him but forbid them from actually entering. The most common criticism he would receive is that he looks too stiff or tight (which he would when paired with someone he doesn’t gel with) or that he has trouble getting into the feel of some styles (oh god hip hop would be torture for him; he tries but he just can’t match Wyldstyle’s flow and charisma). He’s the type who would tend to stand out in big group numbers because he’s just a little too crisp.

GCBC on the other hand strike me as the type who showed up at the auditions to be someone else’s quickstep/swing/idk partner, but whose charm and energy end up winning the hearts of the judges, leading them to move on well after the partner is cut. They would have a diverse training history, and thus be pretty flexible stylistically, with GC being up for anything fun, emotive, and high-energy (jive and Broadway immediately come to mind), and BC preferring more controlled, contained, or intense performances (contemporary, paso doble, etc.).

In a perfect world (that is, one where men can do sexually charged dances together on television) Business and GCBC would be paired together for a tango, with Business as the lead and GCBC set to follow. Normally GC would want to take on this kind of role, always loving to indulge in a bit of sassy sensuality, but with Business’s low tolerance for being teased, BC decides it might be better for him to take this one instead. Business and BC approach the routine with so much seriousness that it honestly unsettles the choreographer a bit. Still, it pays off, the routine is positively smoldering and the two develop a devoted fan following. Whenever the two are paired, BC is always the one in control.

I’m honestly not sure who would ultimately win this hypothetical show, but Business would definitely get cut before GCBC would. The man may have skill, but he’s a bit too dad-ish in appearance to keep the sex appeal vote.


This is the best ending.