You are 12. You’re at the library looking for some generic young adult fiction novel about a girl who falls for her best friend. Your dad makes a disgusted face. “This is about lesbians,” he says. The word falls out of his mouth as though it pains him. You check out a different book and cry when you get home, but you aren’t sure why. You learn that this is not a story about you, and if it is, you are disgusting.

You are 15. Your relatives are fawning over your cousin’s new boyfriend. “When will you have a boyfriend?” they ask. You shrug. “Maybe she’s one of those lesbians,” your grandpa says. You don’t say anything. You learn that to find love and acceptance from your family, you need a boyfriend who thinks you are worthy of love and acceptance.

You are 18. Your first boyfriend demands to know why you never want to have sex with him. He tells you that sex is normal and healthy. You learn that something is wrong with you.

You are 13. You’re at a pool party with a relative’s friend’s daughter. “There’s this lesbian in my gym class. It’s so gross,” she says. “Ugh, that’s disgusting,” another girl adds. They ask you, “do you have any lesbians at your school?” You tell them no and they say you are lucky. You learn to stay away from other girls.

You are 20. You have coffee with a girl and you can’t stop thinking about her for days afterwards. You learn the difference between a new friendship and new feelings for a person.

You are 13. Your mom is watching a movie. You see two girls kiss on screen. You feel butterflies and this sense that you identify with the girls on the screen. Your mom gets up and covers the screen. You learn that if you are like those girls, no one wants to see it.

You are 20. You and your friends are drunk and your ex-boyfriend dares you to make out with your friend. You both agree. You touch her face. It feels soft and warm. Her lips are small and her hands feel soft on your back. You learn the difference between being attracted to someone and recognizing that someone you care about is attractive.

You are 16. You find lesbian porn online. Their eyes look dead and their bodies are positioned in a way that you had never imagined. You learn that liking girls is acceptable if straight men can decide the terms.

You are 20. You are lying next to a beautiful girl and talking about everything. You tell her things that you don’t usually tell anyone. You learn how it feels not to want to go to sleep because you don’t want to miss out on any time with someone.

You are 18. You are in intro to women’s and gender studies. “Not all feminists are lesbians- I love my husband! Most of the feminists on our leadership team are straight! It’s just a stereotype,” the professor exclaims. You learn that lesbianism is something to separate yourself from.

You are 15. Your parents are talking about a celebrity. Your dad has a grin on his face and says, “her girlfriend says that she’s having the best sex of her life with her!” You learn that being a lesbian is about the kind of sex you have and not how you love.

You are 21 and you are kissing a beautiful girl and she’s your girlfriend and you understand why people write songs and make movies and stupid facebook statuses about this and time around you just seems to stop and you could spend forever like this and you learn that there is nothing wrong with you and you are falling in love.

You are 21. And you are okay.

—  a thing I wrote after arguing with an insensitive dude on facebook all day or Things Other People Taught me about Liking Girls

so im at work and bagging for this lady and her little kid and the kids askin me about what its like being a big kid and all that so he goes “do you have a girlfriend? is she pretty?” and i live in a pretty liberal area and it was pretty quiet in the store so i just calmly responded “actually i have a boyfriend, but he’s fairly pretty” and the mom just kinda pauses on her phone and looks down at her son like please dont say anything bad please dont embarrass me but he just gets so fuckin excited and is like “you can do that ???? i didnt know boys were allowed to have boyfriends!!” and hes turns to his mom and is pulling at her phone trying to get her attention and is just really excited like “mom did you know that ? can i have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend ??” and she just started laughing and was like “if you want sure” and they took their groceries and left and im just standing there like

DID THAT JUST HAPPEN

THAT WAS SO CUTE

Oh also you can argue that America was founded on Christian values all you like, but Baron Fredrick Von Steuben, you know, the guy Washington chose to take the completely inadequate rebel army and turn them into a fierce, organized, killing machine was a homosexual so if George Washington and a camp of tough rebel men can get the fuck over it then so can you.

In short America wouldn’t be here with out totes French-approved homo Fredrick Von Steuben sorry to burst your bubble

So if you’ve followed me for more than like five minutes, you know that I LOVE my wife. And it’s her birthday in….an hour and a half!

I love her more than anything. We’ve been together for ten years this december, and I never once thought I would be so lucky as to spend my life with someone who understands me so well. I left everything on the other side of the world and moved to the USA without ever having met her in person, and I’ve never once regretted it.

She’s strong, beautiful, clever, a great lay, funny, and she cries when she can’t adopt all of the elderly cats at the shelter.

Happy birthday marchingjaybird, I love you so much <3

anonymous said:

so you think harry is gay

i am responding to exactly this one asshole anon about this and then never again because as i said to my crew i am going to seize this opportunity to make a somewhat definitive Critical Stance THING

here is the thing, is i know it’s like the Done thing in rpf fandom to be like WHATEVER I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANY DIRECTIONS ALL I CARE ABOUT ARE MY TEXTUAL CONSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THE DIRECTIONS we can’t know them we can’t know anyone can we even know ourselves??? it doesn’t matter let’s spin into the void!!!

and like— i really really like parts of that response insofar as my engagement and investment in one direction is not solely in like, real human people that i don’t know, but in the characters we interpret from them and in the cultural conversations that happen around them like something i say a lot (??? when did i become a person who says this a lot) is that one direction is basically a way of talking about ourselves but magnified and removed enough that it doesn’t quite feel so raw, you know? which is not to say it doesn’t still MAKE YOU WANT TO JAR YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY but it’s easier to explore and express your own struggles of identity and society when you are objectively projecting them onto loser megasuccessful silly boys at whom you can laugh

like it’s a weird simultaneous thing and two not even separate processes— one direction happy silly pop music babies makes me happy and distracted from my things, i don’t feel threatened and i’m in charge, and also one direction lets me safely talk and cry about my things, or imagine or examine anew my things

so there is that!!! but also, at a point, where i am a queer person struggling to exist in the world and be Real and not be alone, it feels absurd to just pretend that everyone in the world is and must be straight unless they take me personally in hand and say ANNA I’M A GAY. like, i am ENORMOUSLY silenced and erased from my own culture, and i am allowed to resist that. i am allowed to assume that other people are queer until proven straight. i am allowed not to pretend that it’s a horrible insulting degrading thing to be gay at all and that i should therefore give people THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. i am allowed to assume that people might be like me just because i want to— because i need to. 

but also, i think that assuming people might be like me is REALLY IMPORTANT WORK in unmaking the structures that assume i and others don’t even exist. i also think that talking about it in safe queer spaces with other safe queers is really important boy band work!!!!!

like, obviously it’s wrong to out people, it’s wrong to harass and bully and other people. one direction fandom is SO DEEPLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THIS and like disrespectful and lacking basic empathy and fetishizing The Tragedy Of The Gays and demanding that others’ identities or relationships must be exposed for their own emotional benefit like fans are so presumptuous and demanding and expectant and it’s the fucking worst, don’t ever talk to anyone about anything

but it’s not wrong to think, when people remind you of yourself or your own experiences, to think that they might be like you. and i think that hilariously this is actually INEXTRICABLE from my first bit— about one direction being a way of talking about myself. i mean it’s disingenuous to pretend i don’t recognize and understand experiences similar to mine, even if i don’t wanna talk to straight people about it and straight people shouldn’t get to talk about it at all. 

like i won’t be complicit in mine and others’ erasure, i guess, is my definitive stance on hollering about one direction all the time. 

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