“My great grandpa flew planes in WWII. He was shot down over Japan and spent 9 months in a prisoner-of-war camp. So whenever I start feeling sorry for myself because I have to work another shift at Applebee’s, I feel real guilty. But, come on, Applebee’s sucks. I know. I work there.”

“I think the dental industry is a scam. Couldn’t they just give us steel teeth when we’re teenagers? We would be able to chew up whatever we wanted! We could chew up rocks! No cavities! But then the whole dental industry would be through…so they just keep lecturing us about flossing.”