funny-chat

Appreciation post

For burtonbutton
I don’t do enough of these, or any anymore, but she has helped me through so much in the past year that I have no idea where I would be without her. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, loves to chat with me late at night, I could go on and on about the things she does that I love. We’re very healthy too, it’s wonderful. There’s never been a fight, only discussions, and they’re always resolved peacefully and happily. Sometimes I watch her when she doesn’t know it, when her eyes cross slightly with concentration and she chews at her bottom lip. She’s adorable. She dresses with flair and style, even when in her relaxed clothes. She smells amazing and just the though of her makes my stomach expand to the size of the universe with butterflies. I love you hon, and I hope this doesn’t make you leak strawberry filling you tiny creampuff :D

God creating One Direction
  • God:you know how we made females bleed out their vaginas that make them strong
  • Jesus:yeah
  • God:well it didn't work
  • Jesus:what do you mean
  • Jesus:they cry and break out and gain 5 pounds once a month
  • Jesus:isn't that enough
  • God:no
  • Jesus:....
  • God:we must make them stronger
  • Jesus:but it's too late no-
  • God:no
  • God:we'll create five superior beings
  • Jesus:what is tha-
  • God:listen jesus
  • God:we'll use a whole bottle of essence of sexy on one
  • Jesus:that sounds risky don't you t-
  • God:listen
  • God:a whole bottle of adorable extract on another
  • God:half a bottle of rainbow oil and dried puppies on the third
  • God:on the fourth we'll use the last of the 'you me bed now' syrup
  • Jesus:....
  • Jesus:.... and the fifth?
  • God:sassy potion
  • Jesus:.... okay .... but how will this make them stronger?
  • God:we'll add one musical steroid to each
  • Jesus:i still don't see...
  • God:they'll be homosexual
  • Jesus:ah very clever
  • God:do you see now
  • Jesus:yes
  • Jesus:the survivors will be indestructible
  • God:i'm brilliant
Name that OUAT villain
  • Announcer:Welcome one and all to another game of "Name the OUAT Villain!" For a hundred points, which famous villain was also a horrible parent?
  • Snow:Cora!
  • Emma:Peter Pan!
  • Announcer:This villain also directly influenced their's child's descent into darkness.
  • Snow:Cora!
  • Emma:Peter Pan!
  • Announcer:Let's see if we can make this easier. This villain went off to another world and became it's ruler.
  • Snow:Cora!
  • Emma:Peter Pan!
  • Announcer:... This villain's magic was closely related to hearts.
  • Snow:Cora!
  • Emma:Peter Pan!
  • Announcer:This villain was briefly in league with Hook!
  • Snow:Cora!
  • Emma:Peter Pan!
  • Announcer:This villain impersonated Henry!
  • Snow:Cora!
  • Emma:Peter Pan!
  • Announcer:
  • Announcer:I give up.
That wasn't the right D
  • Friend:"I've gotten a D in class before."
  • Me:"From who?"
  • Friend:"Uh duh- my teacher."
  • Me:"Oh god. Should I call the cops?"
  • Friend:"No, I didn't study like I was supposed to. It's my own fault."
  • Me:"That's sick."
  • Friend:"I know, I'm stupid."
  • Me:"Did he pay you?"
  • Friend:"To take my Math test?"
  • Me:"What Math test?"
  • Friend:[silence]
  • Me:[silence]
  • Friend:"You weren't talking about a penis, were you?"
In the next OUAT episode...
  • Captain Swan Shipper:I hope my ship gets together.
  • Outlaw Queen Shipper:I hope my ship gets married.
  • Snowing Shipper:I hope my ship can build a family in peace.
  • Rumbelle Shipper:I hope my ship can be in a room together.
  • Rumbelle Shipper:They don't even have to be close.
  • Rumbelle Shipper:Or talk.
  • Rumbelle Shipper:Just... breathe. Breathe in the same room.
  • Rumbelle Shipper:
  • Rumbelle Shipper:
  • Rumbelle Shipper:Yes. That would be awesome.