internet speech styles

• teenager who has never heard of a capital letter

• Sarcastic middle-aged lady. If you don’t appreciate that, you can go fuck yourself hun. (:

• I Write Sentences Like They Are Fall Out Boy Song Titles

• lolzOR i’M rAnDoM!!!1!!11!1 LOLOLOLOLOLOL

• I DONT GIVE A FACK ABOUT YOUR OPINION IM 12!!!1!1!1

• everything suddenly cHANGES IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORD

• Hahahaha Lol I am new to the Internets. (; (; (; Funny

• 🌸🐚pale grunge pastel bubblegum pop blog here🐚🌸

"intelligent" jokes

1. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, ”Do all of you want a drink?”

The first logician says “I don’t know.”

The second logician says “I don’t know.”

The third logician says “Yes!”

2.Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.It’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims, ”Newton! I found you! You’re it!”  Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

3.It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things, literally.

4. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martin us.

“You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.

The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

 

5.Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.

 

6.What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

7.A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.

His wife asks impatiently: “So, is it a boy or a girl?”

The logician replies: “yes.”

8.Entropy isn’t what it used to be.

9.Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, “‘I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.”

The waitress replies, ”I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream.  How about with no milk?”

10. A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dogs tand and says “‘Make me one with everything.”

11.How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

12.Pavlov Is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting “Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!”

13.Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

14.A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says “we don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here”. The Higgs Boson then replies, “but without me, how could you have mass?”

15.A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says “we don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here”. The Higgs Boson then replies, “but without me, how could you have mass?”

16.There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.

17.Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, “‘Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.

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