I hear people speak of how gay people are dramatic, that our problems are actually not a big deal, that they don’t matter as much. In high school, I had a girl tell me I was stupid for staying silent for gay rights, instead of something “actually important”, like suicide prevention or hunger. I couldn’t tell her about the times I had been cornered and harassed in school simply for liking another girl, or of how I had to move cities because of it. I couldn’t tell her about the “friends” I had lost, or how much it stung to be called “Faggot” in the middle of a silent crowd, and to have all eyes turn and burn me with their gaze.
As a woman, I am harassed by men who believe that they have the right to tell me what I should be doing. By men who have been raised to think that I should have been grateful for their unwanted attention, of how I should have been polite and gentle, and accepted their harassment. As a 15 year old, I was too scared to tell my mother that my boyfriend had tried to rape me, had taken a sense of innocence from me, because I had a Step-Father who would have turned it around on me and made it my fault. At school, I was labeled a slut, while he, he got away with telling it as a joke, telling people that he had tried to rape me. He got pats on the back, and laughs. While I? I lost friends, and was pointed at in the hallways. Gossiped about behind raised hands, and over keyboards.
As a lesbian, I am an anomaly. Countless people demand of me to prove my love, demand to know how I could love another woman. I am told that it is impossible, the fact that I have absolutely no attraction to men, how it is simply unnatural for me to find women as captivatingly beautiful as I do. I am told that as long as the world turns, I have to have an attraction to men. Then, I am asked how I fuck my partners. How could I have sex, without a dick involved, and enjoy it? Then, I am treated as an open book for this man to understand, that my sex life should be placed on blast, simply because I don’t want his dick involved. My sex life is constantly questioned, because it it different from the generally accepted way that sex should go. I am expected to be kind and gentle, to explain how it works, and then be grateful for someone’s acceptance of it. But, fuck that. Why should I be expected to be kind about explaining it, when nearly everyday, I am asked to explain it? Not even for someone’s understanding of it, but because for most males and even the occasional “straight” girl, it’s “hot” and it turns them on. They want to be involved in my sex life, mine. They expect to be allowed to join in, to be able to lay their hands on myself or my partner, and then for us to be grateful because we don’t have a dick ourselves.
As a human, I am offended. I should not have to prove my love to anyone. I should not have to explain how I see stars in her eyes, or the roses on her cheeks. How when I run my fingers over her soft skin, and feel her breath catch and her heart still for a second, it sends chills down my spine, catching my nerves on fire. I should not have to prove how beautiful I find her, or how she captivates me. I should not have to stand here, and explain to someone why I should be allowed to spend my life with her, just as a woman falls in love with a man, or how a man sees a woman. My love, is genuine. Just as much as anyone else’s. I have felt heartbreaks. I have screamed and cried over girls I thought were my one. I have healed and moved on, and grown as a person from them. Do not tell me my love is not authentic, simply because it is a love you do not share. Do not be so entitled to think that you can try to change my identity, or force me to give you what you want. Do not expect me to be grateful of your attention, simply because it has been given to me, that you find me a attractive enough to get it. When I hold my girlfriend’s hand, there is no need to stare. I am expressing how much she means, and that when we go out, I am so proud. Not because I’m gay or “different”, but because she finds me wonderful enough to hold my hand as well.
As a soul, I simply wish to stretch my boundaries as far as they go.