Alright scoot up your chair let me tell you a thing.
Literally every single one of the frogs on the ARMPIT platoon has a tragic backstory, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. They ALL HAVE THEM. ALL OF THEM. Even if they’re painted in a hilarious light, they’re all really sad.
I’ll start from the green and go to the blue.
Keroro’s story is actually pretty bad, regardless of how much he slacks around. He’s supposed to be the most competent soldier on the face of Keron, inherited from his father who was literally the most terrifying invader in the history of the Keronian Army, but when he got sent to Earth the dryness in the air basically turned him into a piece of shit. He’s been on the planet for like, 7 years without any actual invasions working, and has had multiple visits from his dad and other keronian military officials because he just can’t get this goddamned job done and he turned into this huge piece of shit failure that gets bossed around by a 14 year old girl with pink hair. His entire life is just a huge spiral downwards and after a while you kind of feel sorry for him.
Tamama’s story is shitty too. He’s the youngest member of the platoon and, in the beginning, was really only there to do gruntwork and carry around a heavy ass computer mainframe (That apparently has the same seiyuu as Angol Mois, Go figure). Once we meet him we see that he was basically adopted by literally the richest girl in the entire fucking country. Like this bitch is so rich she has her own privatized army. And after a while we learn that all he wants to do all day is sit around, eat tons of fucking candy, practice martial arts, and fall in love with Keroro. An actual unrequited love, that will be forever unrequited because Keroro’s fucking niece from another galaxy, who happens to be a FUCKING PLANET DESTROYER, is also in this weird state of being in love with her uncle Keroro, and Keroro just does not care abut Tamama’s feelings at all. he doesn’t even acknowledge that they’re there or exploit it. He just does not care. So you’ve got this worthless bipolar character who’s in love with his superior and constantly outmatched by this fucking woman, and you also tell lies to kids and say that you’re this hotshot badass, but in all reality you’re not and you get your ass whooped by those same kids later on because THEY GREW UP FASTER THAN YOU DID.So really your entire character is nullified into this shitty ass pretend cute mascot that OD’s on sugar and is really just a piece of shit all around.
Giroro’s backstory is awful. Just really awful. You’re the second son of one of the most combatically integrated families in the entire Keron army and you end up falling in love with a teenage girl and getting abused by a psychopath mad scientist all while FAILING TO INVADE THE PLANET YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO INVADE IN A FUCKING PRESS CONFERENCE. So like, there’s that right there. You’re also completely useless without your fancy schmancy family heirloom belt around your waist/shoulder which, surprise surprise, has a picture of the fucking teenage girl in it, like its some locket shit. So you’re the second best of your family and you hide the fact that you love this girl and that she will literally never love you back because A. she’s 15 and B. You’re trying to take over her planet and she won’t let you. So you sit outside her house in your tent making sweet potatoes over a fire, hoping and pining that she’ll come out and at least eat something with you, which is really pathetic. ON TOP OF THAT, your fucking brother comes down with his platoon and totally kicks your ass because you’re not doing a good job at your job. Not to mention, you grew up your entire life not even liking the military shit. You grew up liking space trains. TRAINS, for shits sake. So you go from this train liking little fucker and become the Keron Army number one/two (i don’t remember) sharpshooter, only to have your entire life ruined by this one girl and your incompetent platoon leader and brother. That’s some messed up shit.
Kururu’s story isn’t as bad as the others because it’s literally all his own fault, but hey i’m not stopping now. Kururu was actually originally blue! A very close blue to Dororo’s color! But he ended up getting stuck in a giant fucking plate of curry (Because of FUCKING KERORO) and it dyed his skin yellow. So you go from blue to yellow and he ends up growing up to be the biggest asshole/badass in the entire world. Like, this fucker got Demotedbecause he was so fucking hardcore. But the thing is, even though hes the highest ranking member of his platoon, he’s not in charge. Why? Absolutely nobody likes him. Not a single goddamn person in this show likes this guy except for two people, a mellow school-skipping delinquent DJ and Natsumi’s fucking mom. Of course it doesn’t help that he’s a huge fucking pervert and takes every opportunity to spy on Aki in the shower (You have enough tapes. Stop.) So he’s a legitimate creeper asshole who makes machines that torture his fellow platoonmates and lives in the lowest depths of the base because he wants to get away from everyone because they’re all stupid. Where’s the bad here? I already said it. Literally nobody likes him. And he tries to brush it off a lot of the time and make it no big deal, because he likes the fact that nobody likes him, but he’s a fucking liar. If it wasn’t for Saburo and Keroro putting up with his shit he’d be the most depressed person on this entire show.
And lastly we get to my poor precious baby Dororo. God, words cannot describe how much I want Dororo to grow up and have a happy life just to get away from everything he’s been through.
Dororo grew up very sickly, and constantly had to wear a medical mask because it was really just that bad. Unfortunately, his family was also hella rich. Not as rich as that other chick but rich enough. Because he was sick and his family was rich, Keroro constantly used and abused him because he wanted to get his shit. He has traumatized this poor kid enough to the point where he has developed a literal trauma trigger switch that throws him into mass depression spells every time something is mentioned. So you grow up sick and frail and used by your friends while trying to train yourself for the army. You are a sick child you do not enter the army. But wait! You get to the army, and you join the assassin corps! And you become one of the most successful assassins in the entire corps! But get this, you’re so good at your job that your platonmates FORGET ABOUT YOU AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY. They forget about you so badly that you don’t make an appearance until the first season is already half over, and in that appearance they say that they literally forgot about you. This poor guy has gone into depression swings so bad that Kururu had to create a machine for the specific purpose of jumping into his memories to fix the damage that Keroro wrought. It is that bad. So Dororo’s had to deal with childhood trauma and overcoming everyone’s ability to not give a single shit about him, his entire life. Thank GOD for Koyuki or I’m afraid he’d end up committing suicide
So, there you have it.
Welcome to Sgt. Frog, leave your fucking feelings at the door and have a nice trip.