DASH POLICE- I’m gonna need you to pull over, pal. Do you know how fast you were scrolling? You were going a solid twenty posts per minute in a strictly ten posts per minute zone. That’s no good, buddy, no good at all.
Now I’m gonna let you off with a warning, but remember to slow it down, take some time to reblog, like a few posts, maybe add your opinion on something. Just remember not to tag your hate, and don’t go being an asshole. Think before you talk out your ass. Stop and smell those hipster posts now and again, and take a break to use the bathroom, get a snack, stretch, maybe go outside and get some fresh air.
Oh and, one more thing, before you keep scrolling.
You look great, and if I wasn’t a strict professional, I’d ask to touch your butt.
Carry on, friend.