The Monkey Experiment

There’s a famous experiment where they keep a bunch of monkeys in a room for an indefinite amount of time. There’s a big white staircase leading up out of the room. Every time a monkey climbs to the top of the staircase, he gets blasted back down the stairs with a hose. When this happens, every monkey in the room also gets blasted with water. This makes them very angry.

Soon, the monkeys have figured it out: beat the shit out of any monkey that starts to climb the stairs. That’s the new rule.

At some point, they remove a monkey and send in a new one. He learns the rule quickly: don’t climb the stairs. And if we’re beating somebody up, join in. One by one, they replace each monkey with a new one who has to learn the rule.

At some point they can turn off the hose. The monkeys will reliably prevent escape. Policing the stairs has become a cultural norm. Eventually, they have this population of monkeys who are trained to beat up any monkey that tries to escape, but don’t even understand why. 

The experiment is run by interns who are paid in course credit. Occasionally, an intern finishes the semester and leaves. New interns join the team and everybody explains how to feed the monkeys and how to record the data. But at this point, none of the interns are from the original group, none of them have met the scientists leading this project. Most of the interns don’t fully understand the point of the experiment.

The scientist who began the experiment left long ago. Other researchers were assigned to the project by an administrator in order to keep this valuable experiment running. None of the remaining scientists are actually authors of the paper, or even understand what it’s about.  

The administrator supervising the project isn’t terribly involved with it. He just prolongs the experiment because it’s his department’s main source of funding. But he didn’t begin this project, he just inherited it from his predecessor, who is on a leave of absence and hasn’t been seen in some time. 

The company funding the experiment has a sum of money they spend annually on scientific research, mainly for tax reasons. But the person who reads and approves grants left last year. The last time anybody saw the man, he handed a huge folder to some new kid and said “make sure these stay funded.” Then he disappeared up a long staircase leading into the sky. 

Here’s the second part of the Law of 5s: {spoiler alert}

If you look for 5s, you find 5s. But let’s be clear, there is *nothing* mystical about the numbers 5 or 23. If we had six fingers, it would be called the law of sixes. Those numbers are just a way of teaching you about “confirmation bias”. When you go hunting through the Chaos for a signal, you will find that signal.

If you look for evidence that people are shitheads, you will find it. If you look for evidence that people are awesome, you will find it.

A lot of people are miserable because they hunt for reasons to be miserable. They keep finding confirmation for their belief that people are worthless and the world sucks. But a lot of people are having great adventures every day because they have learned to see them everywhere.

A friend of mine saw a pack of pingpong balls and a sharpie and he saw something we didn’t. He sliced the pingpong balls in half and drew eyes on them, poked out a hole in the pupil to see through, then jammed them onto his face. Fucking hysterical, we were giggling for hours drawing different eyes and making faces at each other. We could take a lesson from him, that’s some high level monk shit.

two very useful links on this topic:

In 1959 or 1960, Discordian personnel met in San Francisco to change Earth time. First words said was that only 2012 could be used on Earth to not change the 1 year Discordian calendar. So they applied the 1 year Discordian facebook group and ignored the other 4 years. The Discordian calendar was wrong then and it proved wrong today. This a major lie has so much evil feed from it’s wrong.

No man, woman, or child on Earth has no belly-button, it proves every Discordian on Earth a liar.

Even a child understands: there are FIVE SIMULTANEOUS YEARS in each 365 day rotation of the earth. 1-year thinking is evil and wrong.

Epochial 500th Post: Announcing FractalCult.Net

Dear Fractilian Denizens,

The Fractal Cult tumblog has been around for a while now; in fact, this is its 500th post! Since its inception, the Fractal Cult has traversed scales from micro to meso to macro, slid between dimensions, explored issues spanning the spectrum of human existence from (a)philosophical, to (ir)religious, to (a)social and (a)political to (un)scientific and (a)technological.

I wanted to have our dear founding father Cramulus make this post, but he is immensely busy these days, so I will be doing it in his stead. On his behalf - and mine - I would like to thank you all for making this awesome place happen - with all its wealth of diversity, ideas and non-sense. Where else could we find such a mix?

Tumblr is nice and all, but I figure the time has come for the Fractal Cult to expand, to zoom out into new spaces and dimensions. To this end, I have decided to set up a wordpress website for the Fractal Cult, hosted on my server. I hope this medium will permit longer essays and stories, and encourage a new level of discourse.

At the moment, there is almost nothing there but a crude design; we will probably be importing all the tumblr content soon [Update: we have imported all the tumblr content to our new site!]. I want to invite any and all writers and readers of the Fractal Cult to participate in this expansion. If you wish to have an account as a writer there, simply email me at I am looking for reinforcements since a lot of questions remain open on how to set it up. Help me shape this new home for the Fractal Cult!

So check it out -  FractalCult.Net! We hope for at least 500 more wonder filled posts and a diversity of people and other such creatures on board, to make this a kickass Discordian webzine!

Chao & Fnords be with Ye,


The Siamese Twins

Macro and Micro are Siamese Twins. See–

The fork in your hand feeds

the city you live in


and the city inside you.

An egg breaks – whodunnit? 

Zoom out: God

Zoom in: the Quantum Particle

Line up the elusive suspects.  

the witness can’t tell them apart

Question: How do we know when we are breaking the fourth wall?

Cramulus Answer: “breaking the fourth wall” refers to a character acknowledging the audience and the play he’s in… like when Zach Morris winks at the camera.

For that to apply outside of a performance, there would have to be something out side of reality. You, as a real person, could never know what that is. Religious people probably think that prayer is breaking the fourth wall, it’s connecting them to the “real” audience outside of the world-of-appearances-and-bullshit.

But I think there’s a dodge there, it’s a way of holding the material world at arms length and pretending it’s not real. For example, “That’s just god’s plan” is a narrative to justify the discord between a benevolent deity and an imperfect world.

Fuck the fourth wall, I say. Hang out with us characters on stage. There is no audience, there are no stage hands, and there is no director.