anonymous said:

a strawberry frapuccino is defiantly not vegan. i have a friend who works at Starbucks and the red dye is made from crushed up bugs it is really sad and more than a little nasty. in the US it is considered a "natural" food dye as appose to artificial.

There you have it friend! They use cochineal in strawberry fraps!

Crystallized tartrazine

Also known as FD&C Yellow 5 or E102, tartrazine is a yellow dye commonly used in processed goods like ice cream, soft drinks, moisturizers, pet foods, and crayons. Of all azo dyes, tartrazine frequently causes allergic and intolerant reactions, though the mechanism of sensitivity is not clear. While conflicting studies have been published regarding its role in promoting hyperactive behaviors in children, tartrazine is being voluntarily phased out in many countries in Europe. In the United States, foods or drugs containing tartrazine must declare the chemical on their ingredients list; the Food and Drug Administration frequently seizes imported products containing undeclared tartrazine.

Image by Frederic Labaune.

FANCY MOTHERFUCKERS WANT SOME FUCKING COLORFUL FOOD?

WHAT THE FUCK, YOU DON’T HAVE ANY CHEMICAL DYES LAYING AROUND?

WELL FUCK OFF MATE, BECAUSE IF YOU EVER DREAMED OF HAVING PASTA THAT IS A SHADE OF NEON THAT WOULD MAKE EVEN MAGNETO WEEP, OR BREAD THAT IS BLACKER THAN SNAPE’S ROBES, YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!

GRANTED, THESE THINGS ADD A TINY BIT OF FLAVOR TO YOUR FOOD, ESPECIALLY THE FRUIT VERSIONS. 

WARNING! NATURAL DYES TEND TO BE A BIT LESS INTENSE (SAD, I KNOW) THAN THEIR CHEMICALLY ENHANCED COUNTERPARTS. PASTELS ARE COMMON, BUT WITH EXPERIMENTATION, YOU CAN GET SOME BRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS. 

FUCKING PINK - BEETS. BEET JUICE. ADD AS MANY TEASPOONS AS YOU NEED, AT ANY POINT IN THE BAKING PROCESS, AND THAT SHIT WILL TURN OUT LOOKING LIKE BARBIE’S ASS. 

RED OR SOME SHIT - RASPBERRY JUICE STAINS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, AND MASHING SOME OF THESE BERRIES, STRAINING OUT THE SEEDS AND SHOVING THAT SHIT INTO YOUR FOOD WILL MAKE IT A TAD BIT FRUITY, BUT ALSO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL. 

YELLOW LIKE THE FALSE GODS - OPEN UP THE SPICE RACK, MY MAGNIFICENT PARTY PEOPLE! TUMERIC POWDER AND SAFFRON FLOWERS HAVE AN EYEBALL-KICKING COLOR. THESE SPICES ARE FLAVORFUL AS SHIT, SO YOUR BEST BET WOULD BE TO MIX THE POWDER WITH ONE OF THE LIQUIDS BEING ADDED TO THE RECIPE, AND REPLACE SOME OF YOUR NORMAL LIQUID WITH THE YELLOW-AS-FUCK LIQUID.

HOBBES ORANGE - CARROT JUICE. YOU MAY BE THINKING ‘WELL I COULD JUST USE ORANGE ZEST, IT’S NAMED AFTER A COLOR FOR A REASON RIGHT?’ BACK THE FUCK UP, ASSHOLE, THE FORCE AIN’T STRONG WITH THIS IDEA. ORANGES HAVE GREAT FLAVOR, BUT REALLY DON’T CARRY COLOR WELL.

FANFICTION GREEN - SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HATING VEGGIES, BECAUSE THIS BULLSHIT DOESN’T TRANSFER THE TASTE, JUST GLORIOUS GREEN COLOR. SPINACH JUICE, ASSHOLES. 

HAWKEYE PURPLE -  THERE ARE TWO METHODS FOR THIS SHIT - YOU CAN EITHER REPEAT THE JUICE-STRAINING TECHNIQUE ON SOME MULBERRIES, BLUEBERRIES OR BLACKBERRIES FOR YOUR PREFERENCE OF FANCY-ASS ROYAL PURPLE. OR, YOU CAN GRAB SOME HANDY-DANDY RED CABBAGE.  

THATS RIGHT ASSHATS, I SAID CABBAGE. CUT THAT SHIT UP AND BOIL IT IN WATER UNTIL THE WATER IS DARK AND CONCENTRATED.  PURPLE AS FUCK!

THE BLUEST BLUE TO EVER BLUE - MAKING A PORTRAIT OF YOUR FAVORITE ANGEL REQUIRES SOME INTENSE DYE, AND I HAVE JUST THE SHIT. TAKE THAT CABBAGE - YES, A RED CABBAGE, AND BOIL IT LIKE YOU DID WITH THE PURPLE. THIS TIME, AFTER YOU’VE GOTTEN THE LOVELY PURPLE, SLOWLY STIR IN BAKING SODA. 

SLOWLY ADD IT! LIKE, A PINCH AT A TIME, AND STIR AT LEAST TEN TIMES, AND EYEBALL THE COLOR BEFORE ADDING MORE. LIKE EXPERIMENTING IN POTIONS CLASS, YOU DON’T WANT ANY EXPLOSIONS WHILE YOU’RE DOING SCIENCE!

TALLY MARK BLACK - SQUID INK! MORE INFO CAN BE FOUND IN THIS LINK, ALONG WITH A LOVELY PASTA RECIPE. HEADS UP! SQUID INK MAKES THINGS PRETTY DAMN SALTY, AND A BIT FISHY. BUT! IT’S RIDICULOUSLY BADASS, AND TASTES GREAT WHEN ADDED TO SOURDOUGH BREAD. 

Colorful Pop Rock Kamikaze Shots

Ingredients & Measurements:

  • Vodka
  • Triple Sec
  • Lime Juice
  • Food Dye
  • Pop Rocks
  • Vanilla Frosting

Instructions:
Add a few drops of food coloring to a bottle of Triple Sec. A little goes a long way. Shake the bottle up to mix, and add more if you need to. Dip the rims of your shot glasses in the vanilla frosting and spin to coat. Then do the same in the pop rocks. Pour one part Vodka, one part Triple Sec, and one part lime juice into each shot glass and serve.

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