[this is a great question, my friend! First off, let me say that I’m not angry or anything. It’s understandable to be confused about this subject if you’re not aware of how ace people work. So let me take a moment and educate you about asexuality and about my Cloud!
Most people I’ve ever met don’t really understand what asexuality is. I’m asexual (or ace, for short), and when I try to explain to people what being ace is, they can’t quite grasp the concept. Asexuality refers to people who don’t experience sexual attraction. Now, the important part of that phrase is “don’t experience.” As an asexual person, I do not have a desire to have sex with anyone.
But asexuality as an orientation is about attraction, not action. Most people confuse asexuality with celibacy. Celibacy is a deliberate decision to abstain from sexual activity. Priests and nuns often take vows of celibacy for other religious reasons, but not all nuns and priests are asexual. The whole point of the vow, then, is because it is difficult to abstain from something you enjoy doing and probably want to do a lot. Imagine if one day a doctor told you you could never have sex again because of a health issue of some kind. That would suck, right?
It wouldn’t for me. It would actually be kind of a relief. I don’t want to do the sex thing. If I ever get into a relationship with an allosexual (non-ace) person, it would be difficult to strike a balance between realizing they have desires and needs sexually that demand to be filled and my own lack of such needs and desires.
I’m a sex-friendly ace. I wouldn’t necessarily mind having sex with my romantic partner. There’s a lot of emotional intimacy that goes on during sex with someone you love, and the physical pleasure of sex is pretty neat too. But I would never really initiate sex because I don’t feel the desire for it. There are also people who are sex-repulsed, and they want nothing to do with sex ever. It disgusts them or triggers them or what have you, and they want to stay as far away from other people’s genitals as they can. And that’s okay, too! (Sex-repulsed aces are generally celibate, but again, celibacy is an action, a conscious decision, whereas asexuality is an inborn orientation.)
But my Cloud is like me. He doesn’t necessarily mind doing the do every now and again, because he knows that Tifa is not asexual. Attraction, not action. If given the choice, he would probably never have sex with Tifa. But Tifa is not ace, and as a loving partner, he recognizes that it’s important to take care of her in that respect as well sometimes.
And most important of all, Tifa (and anyone who is a romantic partner of an ace person) should recognize that she has no right to take advantage of this balancing act to demand sex all the time. This is sexual abuse. Just because we sex-friendly aces are willing to engage in intercourse occasionally does not mean that it’s okay for us to be used us as warm, squishy sex toys. The choice an ace person makes to have sex with (or not have sex with) someone should never be taken advantage of and never used to invalidate how they feel.
So let’s recap!
- Asexuality = not experiencing sexual attraction
- Asexuality =/= celibacy (remember? Attraction, not action.)
- Asexual people can be sex-friendly or sex-repulsed
- My Cloud muse is a relatively sex-friendly asexual person, and he makes a deliberate choice to infrequently engage in sexual activity with someone he loves and trusts more than anyone else in the world. This choice does not invalidate his lack of sexual attraction.
I hope that helps, anon friend! If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me to clarify anything you’re still confused about, or you can visit the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network’s website to learn more about the asexuality spectrum.]