so idk if I’m still recovering, perpetually recovering or if I am recovered, but a major win for me regardless was that I went to brunch with my sister on Sunday and got this delicious vegan french toast with caramelized bananas and raspberry sauce! There were much lower calorie/fat options but I went with what my body wanted, and it did not disappoint!

~listen to yourself, love yourself, eat in abundance and enjoy all the light that your life has to offer. You’re so worth it~

Penne with tomato basil sauce, cherry tomatoes, steamed broccoli and snap peas. Currently in a pasta coma

I had to gather some MAJOR courage to cook this dinner. One of my greatest weaknesses in recovery is forgetting how important every day and every moment is, not just “tomorrow” or “next time”. It slips my mind how incredibly short life is; how the ultimate goal of recovery is to work your ass off and get to the top of your mountain as soon as freaking possible, because the eating disorder will ruin you for as long as it is active in your existence. 

Life’s not long enough to ever miss out on pasta. The past year without pasta was definitely 12 months given up to my eating disorder that I’ll never get back. I won’t be free - or as free as I can possibly get - until I’m in full remission, so who’s to say that I can afford to wait until tomorrow?

I think my kitchen scale was wonk - I ended up cooking a load of pasta, an almost never-ending bowl. I felt more and more greedy as I ate further, but I did indeed finish all of it. It might have been much larger of a pasta serving than I thought I was making, but it helped me get closer to 3000 cals and for that I am proud 

Love pasta

Love tomato sauce

Hate my eating disorder

Affirmations/Tips for Facing Challenge Foods
  • “Physical health is not the only kind of health.”
  • “This food won’t kill me, but an eating disorder definitely will.” 
  • “I’m HERE, NOW, with people I love and who love me. I am living in the present. I do not need my eating disorder’s validation to live.”
  • “I have come a long way; I have proven how strong I am. I’m a recovery warrior! This [insert food] is no match for me!” 
  • “Purging is definitely not healthy for my body OR my mind. PLUS, if I purge, then I will have that much less time to [insert fun activity].”
  • “This is one step of a recovery process. If I do this challenge, hooray! I move forward a few steps in recovery! If I struggle, I have an opportunity to learn more about myself/challenge myself in the future. This is a positive step REGARDLESS of how it turns out!”
  • “I know my [insert supporter] will support me either way, but imagine how proud they will be when I tell them I did it!”
  • "Sorry ED, I can’t hear you over how awesome I am."

Tips:

  • Imagine your ED as the food being munched away, faintly hollering “nooooooOooOOOooo!”
  • Think of the space where you are as a FUN-ONLY ZONE. Your eating disorder is barred from entry; if it shows up anyway, mentally imagine having it escorted out, and the door shutting behind it. This is YOUR safe space.
  • Ask if it’s okay first, but if you’re with friends you could also try holding a friend’s hand, and squeezing lightly when you need reassurance. It’s especially helpful if they know why/if they squeeze back. Nonverbal support PLUS physical reinforcement of positive steps!
4

OH MY GOD GUYS.

I went to caffe nero.
• I had a higher calorie sandwich than my dad
• I bought both our lunches together in public
• I ate in public
• my dad asked if I wanted dessert and I didn’t (I REPEAT DIDN’T) check out the calories, and chose what I, Becca, me, wanted and fancied.
• I HAVEN’T HAD A MUFFIN IN A YEAR AND A HALF GUYS.

*does proud happy dance*

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