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Chandler and I like to invent games. This is Sword Soccer. It’s played in the hallway. The goal is to kick the ball and hit the other player above the knees. The sword can be used to control the ball or hit the other player. We also added a water bottle on each player’s side that can be knocked over for extra points.

There’s a BIT More To it Than That...

One thing I will never stop finding funny about kids is just how smart they think they are at all times. Don’t get me wrong here: I marvel CONSTANTLY at just how soon they understand so much. But what I’m referring to here are those times you find yourself in a debate with them on a topic they simply don’t know as much about. Logic and facts be damned, you will ALWAYS lose these interactions. It can be very frustrating, unless you see them for how funny they really are.

Given how much Leo ADORES books and stories, I have been extremely surprised by how hesitant he is to learn to read. I’ve asked him about it before, but his usual answer - that he’s afraid I won’t read to him anymore once he knows how - is starting to ring hollow after dozens of attempts to dissuade that notion. Yesterday, I tried again, after he complained that a place we took him to was “boring:”

ME: Buddy, when you learn how to read, you’ll be able to entertain yourself at places like that! Won’t that be great?

LEO: Not really. I don’t want to read.

ME: Why not?

LEO: Because learning to read means growing up, and I do NOT want to be a grownup.

(Pause)

ME: Wow…I have a lot of questions here. Why don’t you want to be a grown up?

LEO: Because grownups have to work, and clean, and stuff…and *I* just want to PLAY.

ME: Okay…but why do you think reading makes you a grownup?

LEO (Like I’m an idiot): Because grownups READ!

ME: Right…but a lot of your friends can read. Are THEY grownups?

(Pause)

LEO: Okay, I changed my mind about reading, but NOT about being a grownup.

ME: Fair enough.

At first blush, it appears as though I might have won this interaction. The implications are very clear, so please, if you’re reading this, be on the lookout for chunks of falling sky.

When Edward Buck Jr. learned that Baltimore schools were shutting down Tuesday, he decided to spend the day giving his 5-year-old son, who’s also named Edward, a tour of West Baltimore.

“I wanted to be the one painting the picture of what was happening in our neighborhood,” he explains.

Dad isn’t sure how much Edward will end up remembering of this day, but that’s OK. “I want him to look at these photos one day and say, ‘I was part of history, and my Dad shared it with me.’”

School Was Closed, But This Baltimore Dad Had An Amazing Lesson For His Son

Photos: Courtesy of Edward Buck Jr.

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Me and my Wild Fox. :) Some of the beautiful moments we’ve shared together so far. Its hard to believe my little guy is going to be 9 months old next week… Good Vibes and Love just radiate from his being, and he makes my life so much better  <3 <3 <3

I Showed Her (How to Manipulate Me!)

Whenever parents have more than one child, they almost always go on and on about just how DIFFERENT each of them is. For most of the past twenty months, my wife and I weren’t sure. Both kids have a lot in common, and neither one had yet to show a trait that was wildly divergent from the other.

In the past couple of weeks however, one thing has emerged that might change our assessment: while our five-year-old son shows the appropriate amount of emotion and empathy of a child his age…our twenty-month-old daughter is beginning to show the cold, emotionless tactical nature of a ruthless dictator.

The other day, Sally was having a snack, and she was VERY UPSET about it. You might be asking why. Was I forcing her to eat something horrible? Had I chained her to her chair? No. She was eating exactly what she had asked for (goldfish crackers), and was on my map while doing so. She was mad because I wasn’t letting her wander around spilling them everywhere in the process.

Her protests began as squirming, escalated to screaming, and reached a peak by throwing them on the floor. This is a particular annoyance to me. So I told her that if she did that one more time, she would not be allowed to sit on my lap anymore. She looked me RIGHT in the eye…and dumped all of the remaining crackers on the table onto the floor. Showing her I meant business, I unceremoniously plopped her down soon after. This was the exchange (with my observing son) that followed:

LEO: Why did you just put her down, Daddy?

ME: Because I told her that if she dropped any more crackers, she couldn’t stay on my lap. 

LEO: Why was she doing that?

ME: Because she wanted to walk around with her crackers, and I didn’t want her to do that, so she got mad.

LEO: But what if she’s still hungry?

ME (Righteous): If she wants to eat crackers, she can eat the ones she dropped on the…wait a minute. (To Sally) Is this what you wanted the whole time?

SALLY: (Laughing, eating crackers from the floor, while walking away)

ME: I…I think I’ve just been played.

I’m no government official, and I have no influence over foreign nations…but if any country ever stamps her passport and lets her enter their borders…they only have themselves to blame for what happens as a result…

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Big weekend for my book Calm The F*ck Down:

  • It reclaimed the No. 1 spot in the Amazon Child Care Best Sellers list (that ranking changes hourly, but I have proof I hit the top spot!)
  • It reappeared in the Amazon Parenting Humor Best Sellers list
  • It was featured on a few different “cool-hunter” sites (like this one)
  • I found it makes a nice drink coaster

Time to day drink!

And Father’s Day is coming up. I’m not saying you have to buy it for the dad in your life, but I’m not NOT saying it either. Get it here and/or here.

More than half to nearly two-thirds of the men surveyed were either willing to or actually had changed jobs or given up promotions in the interest of their family. More than a third of these men said they’d be willing to take a pay cut and just over a quarter said they’d go abroad in the interest of better parental leave benefits.