Winter Is Coming!


Well here we go again, it’s been another long time since I wrote a blog but SO much has happened I’ve hit the floor running quite literally. I’ve had the injections in my back which resolved nothing and I’ve had my leg done which has resolved (for now) the recurring problems with the veins in my leg making it swell randomly. I’ve not lost any more weight unfortunately but I think I need to…

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The Longer One I promised

Well today I decided to go on a massive hunt for a. a UK based plus size based magazine and b.for some decent clothes pending a huge 30th birthday bash for one of my closest friends. I failed on both counts. There was not a single plus sized magazine available in a newsagents or WHSmith local to where I am and I assure there is not a lack of both WHSmith’s and newsagents! Instead I was confronted with this:

and this:

Firstly, is there any wonder why I couldn’t find a plus sized magazine anywhere in sight?? When all that appears to be on display is health magazines promoting getting thin and fighting fat! ‘Drop a Dress Size Bootcamps’, ‘Fight Fat & Win’ I mean come on. Really?? Yes I am a ‘big’ girl, yes I am a ‘plus sized’ woman and no amount of dieting has helped me. I think the only diet I haven’t tried is the 5:2 Diet. With media like this I am finding it increasingly difficult to find something to motivate other girls like me! I like fashion, I like confidence and gossip and go out to party with my friends. Just because I can sometimes out drink most of those I drink with does not mean I am looked at any differently by them so why by people who don’t know me? Why by the media? There are some stunning women out there that are a size 14 and I mean STUNNING. They have some of the most amazing pictures I’ve ever known, they could easily model clothes or just be an advocate for us plus size women. What has what I weigh got to do with anything I achieve in life? NOTHING is the honest answer.

So, moving on to my second quest, to locate an outfit for this huge 30th birthday bash. I didn’t find one in a store anywhere! I looked in H&M, Dorothy Perkins, TopShop and even Evans, the latter scared even me with the options. I am determined not to go out to this bash dressed in a tent and I am even more determined not to go dressed in black! No way is THAT happening this time. Yes I have a lovely black dress stored in my wardrobe but I don’t want to wear black this time. I don’t want to stand out but I don’t want to be the usual one hiding at the back of photos just so you only get face shots of me… I’m making a stand against this. I’m going to make a change even if I have to do it one teeny tiny step at a a time. Anyway, I spent a very pleasant afternoon browsing the fashion world website, having ordered from them before I was content to do so again, plus having received a lovely message on twitter from them this morning, I thought I would give it a whirl. I’ve ordered another Claire Richards outfit, a dress, more specifically the lace trim dress. I ordered it because it was one of the few that was NOT sleeveless or modelled on a very small figure, amen to Claire Richards! There was also a very lovely looking dress on there in the AX Paris range, I’m seriously contemplating purchasing it! Maybe I will, watch this space.. Although I am looking for the dressier side of me I need to tap a bit more in to the casual side of this curvy girl. You saw me in jeans and a T-shirt, that’s good, but occasionally I’d like to wear something a bit different ya know? Mind you with the return of the random eye flare up I won’t be starring in any pictures for at least 2 days!!

I’ve taken a bit of a liking to the Gemma Collins range, some of her clothes look quite appealing on the web but not convinced of purchasing any as it appears to be worn once and put on ebay, well at least that’s what the listings are saying! That cannot be a good thing, plus most were saying the size was ‘small’ now that is NEVER a good word to use on a plus size item of clothing. It’s hard enough finding clothing without discovering a specific plus size range is now being created on the ‘small’ side! Help! Anyone? I sometimes wonder what happens next and how to carry on trying to make a difference being just one person on my own, but I suppose it only took one person to stand up against racism so why can’t I stand up against this new found dislike of the larger person – ‘fatism’? I’m me and as much as I’d love to be slimmer, I have to work hard at that and I will but I also know I will never be a size 10 and I don’t want to be! I want to be more toned but as long as I am happy and healthy I’ll stick to that.

I keep looking at all the influences in my life and wonder where it all comes from, it’s hard to see. I’ve discovered because I was bullied for so long at school that I now find the negative stuff much easier to believe than the nice things people might tell me. The medications I take do not help with the weight I carry and I’m forever worrying about how much I weigh, that I struggle to find clothes and that the clothes I do get always look so ugly compared to the smaller versions of the same thing. I know that it is like that for obvious reasons but it can seem so off-putting… Even when they model plus size clothing on the smaller models is really frustrating, because how can I see what that top is going to look like on my frame when it’s modelled on a girl that’s tiny! Of course it will look good…

I think we need more plus size models and we definitely need a plus size magazine.  Ever noticed how store like New Look have a ‘curvy’ range but it’s only ever at a massive department store and the section is tiny almost like a bit of an after thought… I want to be able to go shopping for clothes with my friends and get their opinion without going into a buddy store like Evans, no offence meant but the clothes are super dated in there. I want real advice on what looks good on my shape of body knowing that possibly the average size of the reader is probably a size 20.  It would be great to read reviews of good service or stores to purchase items, target the plus size stockists for advertising that kind of thing. Am I losing myself in a dream? It would be great to read articles by women like Claire Richards, Gemma Collins, Beth Ditton and Dawn French but to name a few! Perhaps even have a male part to it as well? I mean there are loads of opportunities but is there a demand for it? Would these celebrities even be interested in being a part of something like that? I’m fed up of people trying to peg me in a square hole but being a round shape, it’s not really going to happen!

Anyway, I’m waffling! Today, I give thanks for the opportunity to write another blog and share my ideas with you my followers. I am grateful to for all their help today with the problems and perhaps finding me my perfect dress!

Love to each of you all, new followers and existing ones. Signing off. CG. xXx xXx

Sometimes Being Nice Wins!

I had to visit my local chemist to collect some medicine, something I do on a weekly basis, only to find it was rather busy. As I stood patiently waiting my turn, another customer entered the shop obviously looking to collect their prescription also. Anyway, having been a regular customer at the chemist the pharmacist struck up a mini conversation with me whereby I asked about some dressing films, bearing in mind technically it is still my ‘turn’ in this now slowly building queue, something us Brits do quite well. The pharmacist was more than helpful with my request at which point the other customer was being served by the assistant. The other customer was rather rude, stood there huffing and puffing and just tapping her fingers on the side as the pharmacist discussed the use of the dressing films with me. The pharmacist actually gave me the films for free, although I offered to pay for them, but I was told that I was always polite when I entered the store and never caused problems even when there were delays or the need to wait and they were close to their end date so it wasn’t a problem for her to give them to me. The other customer was still huffing and puffing at the fact the pharmacist was still discussing my medication changes with me and was determined to get the pharmacists attention. Now, the reason I gave this long description is because the pharmacist completely ignores the fact that I am overweight and of the curvy girl figure acknowledging me for the person I am, taking the time to speak to me simply because I am ‘nice and polite’ every time I go in there.

The other customer was eventually served within some time only to be really rude to the pharmacist and assistant simply because she had to wait. Niceness won out in that situation and to me I think a little bit of niceness can go a long way!  There is nothing wrong in being polite or even giving someone a smile, a small smile can always make someone feel better. I know in this world it can be a bit strange to smile at a stranger, they might think you are looking to have a row or even making fun of them, rather than the fact you are just trying to make someone else’s day a little better! It reminds people that there are still some nice people out there even when we struggle through each and every day. Every one of us could probably pin point one tiny thing we would want to change in our lives, one thing that makes us feel sad and helpless, but that tiny smile can change everything!

This brings me in to the next part of my blog. I have been into quite a few stores this week and ordered a few things online.. I ordered a couple of phone cases but turns out they were a bit cheap and flimsy so they ended up being returned. They have been more than helpful which is great. I was in Matalan the other day, I’ve been looking for an outfit for my friend’s birthday and been having zero luck. I was in there and having had no luck for myself I started having a look for the Mr. He has a few bits he likes but he had a meeting and I thought a new shirt might bring him some luck. As I searched for his size I noted 4 maybe 5 members of staff standing around chattering to themselves, they were discussing that working at Matalan was a dead end job and that they were looking to be a gas engineer instead and would do anything for it. They were saying all kinds of things as I stood there struggling to find the right size shirt for the Mr, I was seriously annoyed as I thought any kind of work would be a good thing given the current climate! I was also seriously annoyed because I wasn’t able to find anything I wanted and to hear these people just standing there gossiping like this was completely inappropriate!! I was getting flustered because I couldn’t find anything that looked half way decent on my frame for a reasonable price. Leading me back to trolling through the internet. I purchased the Claire Richards Kimono and having noticed a small tear in it, I returned it for a replacement, however I was met with a lot of resistance via their customer service assistants on the telephone. I was contacted by fashion world and was offered some help with it and I was even offered the opportunity to try a dress for them for up to a certain amount of money, with the promise to review said item. I’ve not heard anything back about the dress I chose in the end but I did give feed back as to why I chose the dress that I did given I seem to understand my size and frame enough to know what may or may not suit me whilst taking the opportunity to try something a little unusual. Unfortunately I haven’t heard anything since that email exchange Wednesday, even a confirmation of order?! Hmmmm I will keep you all posted regards that! I may have shot myself in the foot in sharing that information but I’d like to think that it would be a great opportunity, even if it only meant I managed to share my opinions about why I chose what I did, even if it doesn’t materialise. My basic problems were that the options available were all shown on models of the smallest size for the item I was looking at so of course the dresses and clothes looked pretty great, secondly there were very few items I would want to purchase and show off to their full advantage simply because I would want to cover them up immediately with a cardigan because I choose to hide my arms, or I wear loose fitting clothes around my tummy as it is a problematic area for me.

I’ve contemplated ordering a couple of things anyway to see how they look but I haven’t really gotten around to it. Mainly because I haven’t had the best experience as yet, plus I still have a few other places to look, in fact I feel me and my old pal eBay are going to being getting along fine for the next few days. I know that can be a huge risk but at the same time can get some really great bargains last minute, plus the only problems I encounter there are with the sellers as opposed to customer service, although selling on eBay I would avoid for the moment given recent personal experience, a story for another time though…

Anyway, I recently fell across this picture online.

Now, I am a huge advocate of the plus size figure, having one myself means I have come to terms with the highs and lows of having this amazing gift. I have some respect for the front this poster but I must point out that while I would love to see a doll like this would it really need a face to go with it that resembles that shown in this picture? Firstly, not all plus size people carry double chins as obvious as this so I am slightly offended and secondly why does it need to be considered as a ‘like’ or ‘comment’ feature, as I’m sure you can tell, the comments weren’t exactly flattering but given the image used it was hardly likely to be anything else. Now I must reiterate that I am not about to support the plus size figure on the basis that it’s a great idea, some plus size women are actually extremely healthy and are simply a target of ridicule purely because they have to purchase plus size clothing ranges. It’s just so infuriating to think that just because I am bigger built it’s because I eat a small truckload of food daily, because I genuinely don’t do that!

I’m just really struggling to find a balance, but is it a self image thing or a problem simply because I haven’t been able to find anything suitable for a week! I can’t wear anything too short because my legs are chunky and swollen thanks to my accident and walking in heels is a nightmare so I can’t even try and work out a way to make them look longer! I’ve been looking at yours clothing and they seem to be really inexpensive which is a great little find! I’m just really looking into it a bit more but I’m looking forward to reviewing their service and clothes that come through etc… In fact I’m considering contacting a few companies to do a few trials of their service and clothes including their sizes available and how true to size they are… Could be a good little experiment but only if they allow me to do that! I’m happy to post links to their pages on my blog as well so maybe that might help? I’m not after free stuff !! I just want to throw my honest opinion out there for those to read.

I’ve actually just returned from a quick dash to the local A&E department, whereby in the waiting room I found myself the target of a young family, by young I mean a teenage couple and a Dad to the daughter. There was no direct pointing and laughing but sitting 6 seats away does not make me deaf. Yes, my jeans were a bit tight on my left leg emphasising my size, but that was why I was there! See a judgment without knowing the facts. Anyway, these 3 get called through and in walks a rather large lady and her son. She had a really pretty face but her body was rather large, she even felt the need to point out that her bum was too big for the seats and that sitting on the table was better for her! Two things went through my mind, 1 was that she felt the need to point the obvious out, but I thought she did this to avoid others passing that judgment on her and 2 that she was getting on with her life despite the barriers of the small chairs. I called this lady large because she was quite a big lady but I don’t mean it in any detrimental way, I’m so hoping that makes sense? It was quite sad to see actually, a woman feeling the need to make light of her situation in order to avoid some kind of ridicule. I’m not convinced that she would have been the victim of anything but she still needed to make a noise about it. I felt bad for her.

I don’t know… I’m still confused and not feeling very positive, perhaps some retails therapy will resolve it?

Signing off of now, CG. xXx xXx