5 Animals That Can Do Amazing Things (With Their Butts)

#4. Manatees Swim by Farting

If you’re able to observe a manatee for an extended period of time without going blind from hysterical laughter, you may notice that they’re able to rise and sink in the water with almost no perceptible movement or effort whatsoever. How did these floating speed bumps manage to master ocean magic when they look like they’re barely aware of their own existence? Well, if you watch closely, you might notice a telltale clue bubbling up from their hindquarters.

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10 Crazy, Interesting Facts About Farts

As gross as it sounds, maybe we should all start smelling farts a little bit more. A very recent study that just came out this past weekend says that smelling farts (in small doses) can be good for our health. A fart is made of hydrogen sulfide gas, and scientists say that smelling small whiffs of it here and there can reduce the risk of cancer, strokes, heart attacks, arthritis, and dementia. Start smelling!

Chivalry Is And Has Always Been About Farting. 

All chivalrous acts revolve around covering up farts. Opening doors for women has always been a great excuse to fart. You open the door, the woman walks through, you fart, and close the door, leaving the fart outside. The same thing goes for opening car doors, but you have the whole walk around the car to fart. Getting drinks from the bar, or any other offer to fetch something for a woman, is all about getting away from the woman, so you can fart. Any guy that actually put his coat over a puddle in the street for a woman to walk on, well, that guy must have really had to fart… a lot. Once you drop your jacket in a muddy street full of horses… We all know there were horses involved… Of course you are going to smell like shit afterwards. Smelling like shit, you would have what one might call, “fart blanche.” How is she ever going to know you are farting, when you are wearing or carrying a jacket that smells like horse shit. Really, the guys that started all this chivalry, knights, man… they must have been farting all the time, and bad. They had to fart so bad, so much, that they went away for months and years at a time on quests to avoid farting around their girlfriends. 

Men haven’t become less chivalrous. Farting has become more accepted. Why? Short answer - Illuminati. Long answer - It is a long answer, so I’ll save it for another time.