zelinxia replied to your photo “the only way i can think about this page is “fai being caught…”

it’s also how Fai is really caring about the kids, which Kurogane lampshades in Tokyo. But yeah! This too I guess ;____;

zelinxia replied to your photo “the only way i can think about this page is “fai being caught…”

basically Fai is harder for me to understand

i think it’s both, and that those things are related. like, i think that fai respects everyone else in the group from the beginning, but in a kind of wistful way? like, i think you can see it especially in some of hir interactions with kurogane where they talk about running away. fai respects that everyone is going after what they want, working towards something with conviction to stay alive, while sie’s really just running away and, towards the beginning, pretty okay with getting killed in the process. sie’s not quite suicidal, but i think, sie doesn’t quite believe sie has the right to be alive when hir twin is dead.

but somewhere along the line, fai goes from, respecting and cheering for them from the sidelines while counting hirself as a lost cause, to seeing hirself as part of their group, and striving towards a common goal. which i think, is a position that allows hir to like hirself and enjoy being alive more than sie would have been able to before sie met them, but also something that sie feels guilty for? if that makes sense.

okay so the part in Tokyo where Sakura comes back from getting the payment for the water and Fai has just woken up and is all angry and hateful makes me cry like a baby (or at least tear up a little bit)

because like

Fai seems happy when Kurogane says the whole, “if you want to die that badly, I’ll kill you myself! until then, you’re going to live” line, because it’s probably the first time someone has ever said anything like that to him. but when he wakes up he seems to realize that that means that they’re too close because why would Kurogane ever care about him enough to want him to live?

so then he doesn’t necessarily seem angry at Kurogane, per se, maybe a bit since he went against what Fai wanted in turning him into a vampire, but it seems more like “I’m going to act cold towards you so that you think that I hate you so that you stop caring about me because I know how this will all end, so you shouldn’t care about me at all.”

but then he learns that Sakura went out on her own, and then he’s pissed. then she comes stumbling back, and she’s so injured that she can’t even walk

but what does she say? she says that she’s sorry because even at that very moment, Fai must be hurting so much more than she is. because she’s able to see past everything and see how much pain he’s feeling, and she knows it’s more than the physical pain she’s in

and then she says that even though he’s in pain, she’s happy he’s alive. and then he holds her close and cries into her shoulder because even though Kurogane showed care and obviously didn’t want Fai to die, i feel like this is the first time that someone has flat out told Fai that they’re happy he’s alive. after he’s gone his whole life wishing that he was dead, and after not getting to fulfill that wish because Kuro turned him into a vampire. but there Sakura is, telling him that she’s happy he’s not dead.

it just gets to me okay

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