All agents, though particularly Agent Romanoff, are reminded that shooting at civilian vehicles is never an appropriate response in traffic, even if the civilian in question was tailgating your vehicle.
All employees are reminded that even if The Doctor tells you he is “The Lord of Time,” you are not to scoff; he really is. Thor and Loki are advised to not attempt to compare titles with him, as The Doctor considers Asgard to be a nice picnic destination. That should give you some small insight as to the extent of his abilities.
All employees are again reminded that praying to Loki or Thor within their range of hearing is a bad idea. It embarrasses Thor, and then he gets flustered. Loki enjoys being literal in his responses, which ends well for no one.
Furthermore, do not insult Queen Frigga around either of them. Thor controls lightning and Loki is a highly trained sorcerer; your life will not be worth living and your injuries will not be covered by your insurance plan.
Loki and Agent Wilson are reminded that they may not field or command their own private armies, nor may they require oaths of fealty from their interns, if they are assigned any. This is especially true if the “Army” is comprised of cats which shouldn’t be on the Helicarrier in the first place.
Agent Wilson is also reminded that it is unwise to claim to be the “Emperor of Latveria,” as the Count von Doom takes extreme exception to that sort of thing.
Loki is again reminded that live animals, especially poisonous ones, are not to be used in dodge ball. The five surviving asps summoned for the last game have been given to Dr. Ames for anti-venom milking.
Please keep in mind that, on Earth, animals are to be treated with respect and kindness. Throwing them at Dr. Banner, who was not even playing in the game, and letting The Hulk smash some of them is considered cruel. Ms. D’Gaea can, I am sure, explain this to him in more detail.
All S.H.I.E.L.D employees are hereby ordered to adhere to the “make an effort” clause of participation in Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) events. Even if you can, or think you can, out-shoot, outrank, outfight, out-sing, or especially out-drink any of them you shouldn’t attempt to do it. I am given to understand that Agent Wilson has been awarded an O.A.F. For his recent appearance in Missouri. It reportedly involved a traffic cone, a golf cart, and apparently a few dozen hamsters. I really want no more information than that.
(based on a submission by Teslas-Lightning. With love from Sayyida Umm Ya’kub Rayya al-ahra’ bint Fath al-Badawiyya, AoA,CoT, to Calontir and the rest of the Knowne World)
Please be reminded that the motto of S.H.I.E.L.D. is Vindicare, roughly meaning “I will avenge.” It is NOT Morituri Nolumus Mori, meaning “we who are about to die don’t want to.”
Whoever was responsible for painting the latter motto on the side of the Helicarrier last night should be warned that as soon as Director Fury has stopped laughing, he will hunt you down and make you scrub it off with a toothbrush. Agent Boothroyd has further added that he will not be replacing your toothbrush out of his stores.
All employees are reminded that there are serious and non-S.H.I.E.L.D.-related repercussions for stealing from beings once worshiped as Gods by the Norse. Return Loki’s licorice and Thor’s pop-tarts immediately.
Agent Romanoff is hereby ordered to cease using “licking the frozen flagpole” as a punishment for agents who annoy her. This violates so many policies that Agent Facchino’s blood pressure is beginning to worry me.