When I sat down to plan this month’s Pretty Files, my plan was to write about self tanners. As a vampire-pale human summer is my nemesis and the idea that a self tanner might keep me from blinding the planet was very inviting. I lined up what I wanted to try and some techniques to consider when something got between me and the quest to not look like death. My skin, normally smooth and calm, exploded into angry pimples and acne. I have a constellation of painful and angry on my chin and a swipe of evil on my cheek. Dude. Not okay. Self tanner can and will wait because you can’t tan jacked up skin. This month we’re talking acne.
I’ve come to one conclusion and one conclusion only and it’s that all of these stupid bitches’ problems would be solved if they called the cops every time something bad happened. But instead they lie to everyone they know and subsequently stare at one another as if they all have exploding pimples on their foreheads and feel awk bringing it up.