Things We Don't Talk About

How hard it is to be a sexworker and be in a relationship at the same time. I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately. This post will probably be a jumbled mess but sometimes I feel like a ping-pong ball.

The night I had the party, I really freaked Korean out. It was really foolish and selfish of me, but I sent him an email with my location because I was a bit concerned. I wanted someone to know where I was. He got really upset with me. When we were first together, sexwork was a novelty and he wanted to know more about it. But now, I just feel like it’s this poison in our relationship.

And I can’t be mad because I know it’s hard. I know he knows it’s work but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m having sex with other people. He’s been more understanding that most men would ever be. He has supported me through all of this. We each have a lot of stressful things going on and this is just one more fucking thing. It hurts me so badly to see him upset. But at the same time, it’s like suicide almost. To tear this other person out of me and kill it, it’s so hard. She and I have been one for so long now that we are intertwined.

I’ve told him a few times over this summer that I would quit if he wanted me to. He always rebuts with “well, I love you as you are and you should not take me into account when making these decisions”. However, I can’t keep dealing with these moments where we don’t see eye to eye about my work. It tears me up. Maybe it was foolish of me to think I could have my cake and eat it too.

I’m scared to give up the money, to let it all go, especially when I’ve built something so successful. But then I think of times he and I are together. On the 4th of July we sat in the park, cuddled together on the blanket, waiting expectantly for the sun to dip below the horizon. We watched in delight as the dark sky blazed with color, our body heat keeping us warm, hand in hand.

And sometimes I wake up early, his big body next to mine, chest rising and falling softly with each breath, such a handsome profile. Then he’ll awake, turning towards me. His eyes are sleepy, a slight smile curling his lips. And I wish I could crystallize that moment, to live in it forever.

And I think “how could I not give up everything for this?”

I like to Sugar.. But I LOVE to ESCORT ;)

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Wow, sadly but true, it did not work out with my guy who was going to give me the card. We ended up fighting (I started, lol) and I am the kind of girl who does not tolerate disrespect. I do NOT give a shit if you make 200k a day and about to buy me a condo in downtown Toronto, if you do NOT respect me, how about you go back to your housekeeper and pull that bullshit on her. 

IN FACT, you might call me stupid. But I ended the relationship with all three of my sugar daddies (7-8k income in total plus unlimited amount on amex card). And… IT FEELS GREAT! Why? Because the new school year is starting and I am starting over. These men were nice but not nice enough to respect me the way I want them to. And so.. my life turned around after I joined an escort agency. HA, I know. How could I.. a little innocent sweetie with blonde hair and Russian accent get into such a brutal world. But the truth is, I don’t want to depend on men for money. And now, I am happier than I ever was. In one month of escorting, I earned 8k and I’m so proud. 

Many girls don’t think this job is fulfilling and it makes you feel like a whore. It doesn’t. I feel more powerful than ever. I did not think that sex is such a powerful weapon to make men cheat on their wives with some skinny 19 year old. Sex literally makes these men look at you with puppy dog eyes. Whatever I tell to do, they will. For sex. This work made me powerful, and I always get compliments on my looks. This makes me feel like a rockstar! 

Why should I tolerate some bullshit working for 10$ an hour at a retail store? Exactly.

So now, because I feel powerful and earn my own money. I am holding off for a very very very high allowance. And a man, who will LITERALLY eat out of my hands - and of course.. eat me out down there ha. 

I only have a tiny bit to go to get my condo in downtown.. and I’m not pulling out excuses. I am BUYING it at 19. I feel accomplished. 

I feel like I will be judged by this post.. but it’s totally fine. Little criticism never hurt nobody.

In fact, I would like to share my sugaring AND escorting experiences with you. The funny thing is, escorting is MUCH more fun. The kind of things I get to do is hilarious and never of thought I would. 

As for sugaring, I met a pot this tuesday at a restaurant. Since I work a lot, I am very strict on my sugaring procedure as I don’t have a lot of time for sugaring. I will only meet you if you seem promising. 

As well, a POT was going to pick me up in his plane to take me to Ottawa tomorrow but since I am a bitch, I made him fly here and stay in Toronto because I am not comfortable to get in a plane with strangers. Mom always told me not to talk to strangers. I broke a lot of rules in my childhood, but never broke this one. 

P.S. - Holding 8k in my hand - all my work from escorting. Also, excuse my bad manicure, I REALLY have to get it done tomorrow. 

- Your gold blooded sister

xoxoxo

My Birkin....

It came!!!!!!

Like I woke up to it being delivered and ran like a crazed women to the door and got it and literally kissed the FedEx guy.

ITS BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, the bag is a little more distinctive in person than the stock picture and I just installed a few things on it so I’m not going to post any other  picture than this:

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It’s an otherworldly feeling to be holding something worth so much in my hands….

A few notes on it though:

Palmeleto leather is freaking heavy, which is what my Celine is made from, that plus the size I got (the biggest one, I get confused by how they call the sizes) made that bag ridiculous…..

Gulliver is heavy yes but no where near how heavy the Celine is. Also how the bags are made in terms of design, Birkins are more streamlined while Celine has more detailing (Face Bags, lol). So B’s weight isn’t as bag as I thought….I still am not going to give her a bag organizer unless I’m traveling and even then I’m just going to reuse the Celine’s own.

 *sigh* I was here gona make this big long “Haha I win, Bitches” post to everyone in my lifes past and you know what. I ain’t even mad anymore. Like I feel at deep peace. Like I had all these plans to show off, and I’m just like meh…..I’m just going to go to Barnes and Nobel and read a book, Birkin on the floor next to me. Staying true to my own self. I was never one to show off in person and well, I bought this bag for my own happiness so I’ma be happy in my little corner all by my self…..

and plot how to get my next Birkin…..

Fashion Week Day 2

Talked with this dude who claimed he knew all the popular rappers like Drake and Wayne and other fame peeps like Tyra and Jermaine Jackson and I was just on the phone like “Yes Suh..sure…” not even impressed or phased. Like he had said he lived in Jersey and I’m like, you so rich but you stuck in Jersey? Okay.

We talked about some other things and he started reminding me of this client I once had, rich as fuck, in love with black women, black wife, bi racial kid, yada yada yada. The only thing that got me was that this dude is like what…..60+ with a 6 year old…..like, I wanna know how old the mom is!

Anyway, I was done with the dude then he sends me this email and I’m just dumbstruck because it basically proved everything he said….

Mofo sent me pics of him chilling with Drake and Riri, Him and Jermaine in a board room meeting…Tyra hugging up on him….Naomi….and I’m just DEAD…..LIKE WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AGAIN????

And more importantly, if I can meet Drake, would I let him hit it for free or nah, because if I get my hands on him….We will fuck….I just don’t know if I want money or not…yet.

He promised to let me google the fuck outa him when we go to dinner so we will see…..but meanwhile I stay hunting for him on the web….

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I went on a date as well with another famous guy. I can’t really talk too much on him but he was super cool and we have plans! 

Something I like to do for dates (especially with well to do guys) is before hand I’ll go to a Chanel or Hermes and buy something small and walk with it to the date. I was feeling fancy so I went to Hermes and got a cute Twilly and it was so funny.

Me: Hi! *waves with bag in hand*

Him: Ah so this is why your late, tearing it up in Hermes…..

Me: *big smile*

Its just a subtle signal that I mean business, plus I feel more confident walking around…

BUT DAMN I WAS KILLING IT TODAY!!!!!!

I had the B in one hand and the Hermes Bag in the other and I was looking fly as fuck….woosh…….I was on point today….

Even the guy said I looked waay thinner and taller than my pics and I was just like….”yeah I’m always better in person”..

*hair flip*

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Tomorrow is another day with more fun and pleasure……

I could not create characters like the crazy client I met with last night/today. Like I wish I could make this shit up.

"I’m very intimidating to most women." Um, no. You most likely have borderline personality disorder and are extremely rude to most people and a bad tipper (evil).

"I love your shoes. I’m a very tough judge of shoes. Very picky." Dude is wearing new balance. The white old person kind. Plus dad jeans or cargo shorts. Very picky. Much fashion.

"All that talk of metals must have made you wet!" No. My vagina is basically just lubricating itself constantly. Please do not misinterpret this as having anything to do with you and your fucking metallurgy.

Proceeded to talk shit about young girls all night long because they “just lie there” and are terrible at sex. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he is terrible in bed and has the tiniest dick I’ve ever seen. It’s not that other girls are bad in bed, it’s that you’re paying me and I’m a very hard worker. I deserve either a medal or an oscar.

Kept trying to get me to talk dirty and gave me hickies and talked about his “big penis head,” “shaft,” and “sperm” constantly during sex.

Then we went to breakfast for 3 hours. I am exhausted.

No more overnights with clients I’ve never met before.

Hi. My name is Marshmellow Face and Im an alcoholic.

Made 1k on a thursday(after tipping my driver) just from seeing 3 clients for one hour each, and I got to go home early. I love getting guys drunk so that they give me good tips, one gave me a 550$ tip. 

I found out that other girls are mad and jealous of me because I surpassed them in such a short time and they have been here for many months and years. LOL. Well, too bad ladies. My driver is telling me how they talk shit about me and Im like.. what did they say to hurt me?

"Her legs are like McDonalds, open 24/7" 

"She is as pale as a marshmallow, she should go back to her planet" 

"Omg that Ukrainian girl isn’t even pretty like she puts on makeup to cover her insecurities and without makeup she is like totally ugly"

"Guys only want her because she looks exotic and is european" 

"Oh she probably does extras and gives clients bareback anal sex thats why she makes so much more money than me"

We have all heard it, jealously does bad things to you. Hell na bitches you just accept that I suck dick better than you. 

anonymous said:

I feel like asking my favorite blog random questions :) What's your number one beauty tip? Why do men love assertive woman? Which method of sex work brings more money sugaring or escorting? What's the best weave to go swimming in? I've recently noticed that middle-aged white men LOVE young black woman, why? Do you wear heels everyday? Riesling or Moscato? Paris or New York? Diamonds or Pearls? Hepburn or Monroe? That's it doll have a wonderful day! <3

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Okay..okay…you got me, that cracked me up…

Number One Beauty Tip : Eyeliner, the eyes are the window to the soul and some simple eyeliner can change your face even if you don’t have on any thing else… ALWAYS WEAR LINER!

Why Men love Assertive women: there are so many theories on this, I do not know where to begin but I think it has to do with the whole mommy complex, you grow up with mom or a mom figure around and typically mommy is the boss, she cares for you, you listen to her, la la la. Men grow up and think that they are past that but NOPE, its a repressed desire to be dominated by a assertive woman and what makes “mommy” happy has changed. In place of cleaning your room, buying ‘mommy’ some shoes makes her happy. LOL, THERE ARE TOO MANY WAYS TO ANSWER THIS….

As For Which Method: Thats hard, with Escorting you can make in a week what some SBs make in a month but SBs have somewhat less physical/psychological drama because they deal with one dude over dozens……On the other hand an SB can clock out an escort with the right man but thats rare..If you include the word ‘faster’ in your question, escorting hands down, no competition.

As for weave, it depends on your hair, if you have relaxed/permed hair I doubt your going to seriously swim…If your natural, then an afro or wet and wavy weave so your hair blends when you get it wet. However, if your relaxed/permed and do go swimming, the best time to plan on that is the same week you freshly do your hair so it doesn;t look all messed up. If your looking for brands of hair, forget it. If you can buy it at a beauty supply store its PURE RUBBISH. You need that custom order, direct from doner supplier to have a truly superior weave. BlackHairMedia.com <——- the shit I kid you not….

Middle Aged White men love black women because its usually at that age that they realize what they have missed out on…. #blackisbeautiful

I wear 4-6 inch heels everyday, I wear them shopping, dining, everywhere, most of my shoes are over $400, they will not sit in my closet looking cute, they will look cute as fuck on my feet…thank you very much.

Hands Down MOSCATO! Cupcake Moscato especially is a fave of mine. and the Red Rose ones….YUM! Oh and Sweet Bitch wasn’t bad…..its not the best but I like drinking it….BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY ICE WINE, YOU WILL DIE IT TASTES SO GOOD. If you love sweet wines and want to make a man pay out the ass or be impressed, order some Ice Wine….yummy stuff. Expensive Stuff…

I love Paris but New York is CRAZY, theres really no place like it.

Diamonds are Forever…….

and I refuse to choose between the two beauties, however lets add in a girl who gets shit done: Chanel Iman. That girl is EVERYWHERE!!! working for that money. And shes black….

Hey oh~

That was fun as fuck. You got more?

My Personal Style

I dun know what was wrong with me. I kept trying to always ‘dress nice’ but it just kept failing. Now I know better and I just keep things very simple and focus more on my accessories over my clothes.

But This is basically what I wear most days:

Shirts and Slim Coated Pants with sweater and heels

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Sweaters and short dresses with Toms or a flat shoe

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I’m notorious for this one as of late: Basic Shirt with jeans and Toms or flats

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And Then I’ve even done this one a few times: Tie Shirt with midi skirt

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All very simple and easy to put together outfits.

I have TONS of Polo shirts in my closet in every color you can think of…

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and I love wearing them with Boyfriend Jeans:

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If I have to think too hard about what I wear, there will be a problem.

When I go out however, I’m all about the shock factor and bodycon, I have and will happily wear things like this:

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I call this style “The Elegant Slut" , It’s outrageous but sexy. Also I like to wear white and bright colors in the evening because it makes me stand out more. I like having separate day and night outfits however the outfits I mentioned before can easily go into nightwear. Bodycon dresses like Herve Ledger are also a hit with me. 

I’d do something like this if I was feeling tame or going on a date:

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But more than anything  accessories  are my focal point.

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An outfit for me can dramatically change with the right pieces.

I love Fashionistas like Upclose and Stylish and BlondieLuxe. in fact I would say my style is very close to Upclose and Stylish in that, I love heels (crazy ones if I can) or rather I love Zara, Banana Republic stuff with really high end items. Though I will admit I almost bought this Burberry baby:

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I love coats like this. Leather with fur trim or wool and fur trim. Trench, Peacoat or Biker models are just my go to styles.

(but damn, I really want this coat!!!!)

By honestly making everything simple I’ve become 1000000000x more stylish.

(but real talk, I really want this jacket….like it is SEXY as fuck….)

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