I get scared when I feel myself start to like someone.

I know it sounds a bit silly but i dont like when someone is controlling my laughter. I dont like having to wait for someone to text me to make my day.. I dont know. I dont like the feeling but I cant get enough.

Treat that special person right

Everyone is fucked up in the head, some more than others. I only say this because i feel its necessary to say that if you have someone thats doing everything for you and i mean everything to see you happy.. treat that person right. Dont fuck them over. I dont care how you show that you care, just do. People take that one special person for granted all the damn time. Theres only so much that special person can take before they snap. Before they become heartless niggas and bitches. Before they stop believing in the good in people. Yo, all im saying is, if you find that one person that does everything to see you and be with you, treat them right.

If youve been on tumblr long enough you have found someone you think you can live with for the rest of your life. A soul mate almost. The only part that sucks is the distance. Everyone on tumblr lives in Narnia.
I believe you NEED arguments in a relationship

As bad as that sounds i think you need to argue. You need to be mad. What kind of relationship would it be if both of you were always like “yes babe” “okay babe ill do that” no fuck that. I like the “fuck you, i hate you” and 10 minutes later its like “I love you, please dont go” … Maybe its just me.

My take on cyber-bullying

I know people have made videos and gifs and posts and stuff about tumblr hate/cyberbullying but apparently people are still not getting it. People have committed suicide over stuff they see on the internet. Being called names, talking about their physique, their disabilities, their anything .. that influences a person. I dont care what anyone says, anytime they receive hate, they feel a little bit bad about themselves. “wow im ugly” … “wow im really fat” … thoughts like that linger in peoples heads making them do crazy things that can lead to other crazy things. I dont care about your definition of beautiful, everyones definition is different. I may be pretty to some and ugly to others. i respect that. Not everyone will like you. I respect that. I understand some of you feel as if the people who have a lot of followers are rude and/or conceited but let them be. Theres an unfollow button on the top right corner. If your opinion is negative, who the fuck wants to hear it? I dont. Let the fat be fat. The ugly be ugly. The skinny be skinny. Because you know what? thsoe fat, skinny, ugly may be the best thing since slice bread to someone else. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When i first joined tumblr i didnt receive any hate at all. I used to be low key writing about anything and everything. Now? I write “i hate pickles” and thats a problem. Its MY blog. MY thoughts and i feel its my right to say and write whatever the fuck i want without some gray motherfucker coming to my ask box putting their two cents in. I like the nice anons. If im not mistaking, the anon box was meant for secret admirers, or people who want to ask a question about someone else but theyre too scared. But now theyre used by people who cant show their faces and they want to hate on other people. To those who use the anon option to be negative, drink bleach :)

Watch on amerika-castro.tumblr.com

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? lmfao

"I’m going to take a break from you but not that 9-5 30 minute every 5 hours kind of break but the ‘I’m going to wait till you miss me’ kind of break. You’re a pain in my ass. You’re heartless. You love me. I love you. And I can’t be who you run to every time things go wrong for you. I can’t be the person you confide in if I’m not the person you go on strides with. I can’t be the person that makes you laugh anymore. I can’t think of you if you don’t even think of me. How would you feel if she was in love with someone else? I love you but man you feel like a chore my mom gave me cus I came home late. Loving you is like stepping on leggos over and over and over again. Loving you is hard because you make it that way. Where is the boy I saw turn into a man? Where is the guy who smiled at everything and nothing? Where is the guy who took me on dates to teach me something new? Where is the guy who liked to explore and travel and read and write and draw? Where is the guy I could go to for my problems and concerns? You’re different. Loving you has turned into that class freshmen year in high school that I did not sign up for. Where is that guy that got me listening to love songs and screaming at the top of your lungs “LISTEN LISTEN TO THIS PART, I THOUGHT OF YOU JUST LISTEN" where is that guy? A couple of months ago, when I first lost sight of him, I packed and set out to find him but after months of failing I’m almost giving up. I’m almost saying ‘fuck it’ .. Fuck this chase. Fuck this new person you claim to love and fuck my stupid head for thinking I could change your mind. I’m sorry. I apologize. See I read a lot so sometimes I confuse reality for fairytales and I was building myself a happy ending with the villain. I guess I lost sight of my Prince Charming when I started looking for you"

Sometimes you meet somebody, and you know that whatever you did before, it must have been right...Because nothing you've done could be too bad, or have gone too far wrong, because it led you to this person.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Just saying..

You ever meet someone that reels your heart in so damn deep into the ocean of their souls? Because of them you listen to those stupid love songs and somehow they all make sense and you feel everything those songs describe. You feel what those people in those stupid movies feel. And even though you may not know what makes you fall for them more and more everyday, you aimlessly, devotedly, slowly feel it more and more. They were a stranger to your heart not too long ago and now? They own every part of your being? You don’t even remember when all of this started because personally I know if I would’ve been cautious, I wouldn’t feel like this. You feel this thing that only someone who feels the same can explain. You notice things you don’t notice in others like how they blink twice when they curse or how one eye is slightly bigger than the other. Stupid things that make you smile. Stupid things you don’t care for in others. Have you ever met someone that made you genuinely smile? Have you ever met someone who gives you butterflies after the first month? Second month? 7 month? Have you ever met someone that made you feel the same tingly feeling for more than you expected? Have you ever met someone who broke your heart into a million jagged pieces and you gathered those pieces and you slowly gave them back to the person responsible for breaking them? Have you ever been called a fool for doing so? It’s just that they don’t understand and you sort of wish they’d find someone who makes them feel like this. This tear-apart-but-can’t-really-love-apart kind of feeling. Have you ever woke up and automatically thought about someone? Went to sleep thinking about someone? I bet you’ve never asked yourself how much pain you’re willing to take from them so they’d be pain free. I bet you never wanted to know how much it would take to fix them, cus lord knows you’d want to. Does age really matter? Does distance really matter? Do mistakes really matter? What matters besides knowing you’re happy thinking about that person? Is it possible to feel this much for one person when there’s 7035002028 other people. Have you ever questioned why that person? What makes them special? What were you doing the day your heart decided to open up and let one person just like any other person in … If you could take it all back, would you? If I ever answered that question truthfully…..

Guys can share their feelings too

I dont find it wrong for a guy to be sensitive. I dont find it wrong when a guy tells you how he feels about you. Leave your pride somewhere else. Im not talking about a guy telling you “you give me butterflies. i feel rainbows when i talk to you” but a simple “I love you” from time to time is nice. Or a guy telling you why he loves you is perfectly fine as well. I dont see the big deal. If girls can do it so can guys.

Moral of today: You cannot be friends with someone youre in love with.

Its merely impossible. Its heartbreaking. Its heart shattering. It will kill you. You will feel every organ in your body sink to one place. You will laugh to prevent tears from coming down. If you were/are “in love” with someone and for some reason it cant work out between you guys, and you guys are friends, i strongly believe you guys were merely infatuated with the idea of being in love. I dont know if im the only one but just knowing or should i say, that thought that passes through your head sometimes to remind you that you guys cant be is just more heartbreaking until the next reminder. Its as if your energy is sucked out of you, an incredible heart ache just builds up. Damn. Sometimes i wish i wouldnt have met you but then that also brings up the question would i rather never have known what it was to love you or love you and learn to love unconditionally but lose you in the end. Shit sucks, especially when you know it will never ever work out for you two. Especially knowing that no one gives a damn because theyre waiting for their turn with you while youre picking up the little pieces to whatever remains of you. It may sound crazy, this whole in love deal and it is. To be in love is basically admiring the little details and quirks of someone unconditionally. No ifs and or buts. You cant like their video game addiction but like them buying you you food every time you guys go out. it doesnt work that way. You love everything there is to love about them. Whats so special about it, is that you dont question anything you do for them, you just do it. Not everyone has someone that loves them unconditionally, that no matter how many times you fuck up, you let me down, you disappoint me, you hurt me, ill be there. Because i love you. Most people just dont get it so they judge so ill leave it at that. Today was probably the worst day of my damn life but as they say ‘you never see it coming but you get to see it go’ and thats all it matters. But wanna know what else matters? that they know that even through all the arguments, defeats, accusations, laughter, tears, adventures, escapades, craziness, fights………… you still love them. You still love every bit of what they are and what they hide and what they can be and thats all that really matters. That they know you love them.

Im looking for a person ive never met

I want to find that one person who can carry a deep conversation with me. Not a lover. Not even a friend. A complete stranger. Someone ive never had any contact with. I want to talk about things no one seems to care about. I want to talk about my past and my future. I want to talk for hours. About nothing, but with depth. With some silent moments. I want to decipher someone’s mind. I want to travel to the deep ends of someone’s inner thoughts. I dont want to know anything about them. Mostly everyone i have conversations with, are basic. They dont get past the norm. I want to talk to someone whos not that important to people. As bad as that sounds. The people who are often ignored tend to be the ones with the smartest minds. With the most intricate thoughts. They tend to function more with the left side of their brain. They tend to be more creative not artistically but mentally. Those people who never have anything to say tend to be the ones with the many ideas. I want to talk to the quiet awkward kid. Or adult. I want to hear what they have to say about love. About politics. About education. Ive been yearning for that person for the longest.

I want someone to get attached to me.

Someone who will wait for me to text them in the morning. Someone to get butterflies when i text them “I love you”. Someone who would get nervous if i was coming around. Someone who would wait for me to call them or webcam with them. Someone who would appreciate my random outbursts and my singing who never seems to stop(lol). I want someone to love me. Someone who would appreciate my efforts in trying to make them happy. Someone who would listen to me and vice versa. Someone who knows im not perfect but im worth it.

Falling for someone you never met in person

Sucks. You feel stupid for actually feeling the way you do. Its like, youve never touch them, youve never hugged or kissed them, no physical connection but somehow you feel such a strong connection to the person. You deny your feelings from Time to time so people dont think youre crazy. You barely tell people who you like because theyll look at you like youre crazy for liking someone you never met face to face. But you know youre falling for the person. You know theyre feelings there. You feel judged by everyone but not everyone knows how it feels. Not everyone has been there. You feel crazy. Crazy knowing youre slowly but surely falling for someones personality. For their soothing voice. From your webcam moments. From your text messages. Its like you know them but you dont know what its like to feel them. To kiss them. To hug them. You only know what faces to make on cam to make them laugh. You only know their favorite candy. You only know how they smile. Its crazy to even believe its possible that such feeling can develop but it does. Ive seen it. I feel it. My parents had that type of love. Its crazy to believe you can actually fall for someone’s personality instead of their looks. Its crazy that all you can give them is an ear to listen and a smile to cheer them up. Some call it crazy i call it love.

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