Tell us about your first kiss.
I’ll tell you about the first time I ever tongue-kissed and the first time I kissed a boy. Fun fact, they both happened at the same time and I was 20.
SO. I was at a Smallville convention—
No, go ahead and laugh, I’ll wait.
So I was at an unofficial Smallville convention in Boston in 2002 (hi andieblogs!). Everybody else was there for Smallville, I was there to meet these cool people I’d been talking to at these online posting boards (the now-defunct Television Without Pity, then Mighty Big TV). I mean, and I guess Smallville a little bit too, but mostly the people.
For the most part, I’d conversed with everyone at the convention at length online, but there was one person I hadn’t really spoken to much before. He had randomly IMed me one day and I’d freaked out on how he’d gotten my AIM handle (AOL INSTANT MESSENGER that’s how long ago this was), because I’d forgotten that MBTV let you put your AIM handle in your profile. So we had spoken, like, twice and minimally.
And then I showed up to Boston and holy FUCK HE WAS SO GODDAMN HOT. I’m gonna call him the Ginger Biscuit because he was a ginger and also British. AND DID I MENTION HOT.
Now at this point in my life, I did not find myself attractive, nor did I think that anyone would ever find me attractive. I was overweight (in my eyes…I weighed, like, 230 at 6′2″ as opposed to now, when I weigh 180 at 6′2″) and just didn’t think I was very cute. So when the Ginger Biscuit started to flirt with me, I didn’t know he was actually flirting with me because 1) see above, re: I thought I was unattractive and 2) I’d never actually flirted with someone before. But I did back what I thought was flirting and we continued this weird badinage throughout the first day of the convention.
That evening, a whole bunch of us were sitting out in the hallway of the hotel where most of us were staying. I think we were all just talking or whatever. I Was sitting next to the Ginger Biscuit, naturally. He pulled out a tin of Altoids (wintergreen) and held it out to each person so they could take one if they wanted.
He held the tin out to me last.
Playfully, I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue (so much swag!)
He asked, with that gorgeous British accent, “Do you want me to put it on your tongue with my fingers, or with my tongue?”
And then I lost all my swag when I said, without putting my tongue back in my mouth, “Thu theckun wah.”
In retrospect, the look of confusion that crossed his face was hilarious, but at the time I was mortified. “What?” he asked?
I pulled my tongue back in my mouth and offered what I hoped was a coy smile as I said, “The second one?” Yes, complete with question mark because at this point, any chill I had had pulled a Chief Bromden and jumped out the nearest window.
The Ginger Biscuit hesitated ever so briefly, then nimbly plucked an Altoid from the tin, placed it on his tongue, leaned over, and then gave me the most heavenly, perfect-tasting mint I’d ever had and ever will have in the history of my life. It was quick, it lasted all of a second, but at 20 years old (two months from my 21st), it was the greatest victory of my life thus far.
We ended up making out all night on a bed while everyone else watched Misery which I still can’t watch to this day without wanting to make out with someone.
Now all I need is for taylorswift to write a song about that.