As I said before, I can laugh at something funny, I can smile. But I feel nothing. It’s extremely hard to get me to cry. Before last week the last time I had was almost two years ago. It’s almost like when you put too much pressure on a nerve, it stops working. I feel like I’m just too stressed and/or sad to feel anymore.
I think about suicide, and honestly I see no problem. I don’t necessarily want to, But I don’t see any cons in jumping off a bridge. My mind doesn’t allow me to think correctly. If something bad happens to me, I will subconsiously push it to the back of my mind and forget it. Almost like a defense sort of thing. People ask me if I feel bad for what I’ve done/something that’s happened, and honestly, almost always I hardly remember what they’re even talking about. I know I should feel bad, but I’ve already forgotten so much of it I don’t know how to feel bad.
It’s quite pathetic really. That I am so weak I must forget my life to live it. I feel as though my life is just slipping away. I can’t remember things. I just tell myself how to feel, and go with it. Even if I don’t know why or where it will take me.