edit:-5

Why I love the jacksepticeye community/Fanbase!

1) We don’t hate on Jack if he’s been a TEENSY BIT PROBLEMATIC (if anything, we defend him. Because he’s a ray of sunshine)

2) We’re not mean to other fanbases (youtuber fanbases almost always clash! If we get hate, it’s fine. If anything, it’s a sign that he’s getting more and more popular!)

3) we help each other out! (I made a post recently and someone wanted to know where the gif I used was from! They got a nice answer!)

4) We have a sexually ambiguous mascot and nobody really cares! (Love you, Sammy.)

5) We quote Jack to each other. (No explanation needed. He’s like the supernatural of youtube. Quote for everything.)

If I can think of anything else, I’ll add it in later. My brain is fried from class. ;-;

okay let's talk about school

i have never ever ever enjoyed going to school. everyone that knows me personally knows that it has never been my thing. it was never about me not enjoying to learn because i love to learn. i even taught myself to read when i was three because i was so keen. but at school as a kid i was teased a lot and i would cry a lot and i would feel very unwanted. i think that is when my anxiety and sleeping problems started because i never slept as a kid and i would have crying fits for no exact reason. i changed schools and classes a few times and things weren’t that bad. i think that the reason why is because i didn’t understand my feelings so i just ignored everything bad. then i turned fifteen and too many things started happening at the same time and i think that’s when my depression started planting its seed. i was very angry at the time and school wasn’t helping and i would get into trouble because of my attitude. i wanted to give up and take care of myself but i couldn’t stop doing my school work.
and then i started high school. i thought these would be the best three years of my life but it has been the worst time of my life by far. instead of things getting better, it went from bad to really fucking bad. i hadn’t been going to a swedish school for years and i was struggling to understand the assignments. nobody wanted to help and eventually i stopped asking for help because it made me feel stupid. i didn’t feel like i belonged and i tried changing schools but it wasn’t possible and so i had no choice but to stay. my grades were getting worse, my confidence went out the window and i felt so lost. eventually i entered what was almost like a thick fog…depression. i call it a thick fog because i can’t remember everything that well. but i do know that i stopped going to school because i couldn’t get out of bed. i’d lie to people and just sit at home and watch pointless TV because i just could not go to school. i was then sent to therapy and things were OK again but only for a little while. i pretended i was fine and ignored my problems that were screaming at me in my head and i went back to school but i fucking wasn’t fine. there were wounds that i couldn’t heal and so many things were so bad. i couldn’t look myself in the mirror, i couldn’t do any work, i couldn’t make any art, i just couldn’t do any of the things i was expected to do. i would cry myself to sleep wondering when did i let go of who i am? i would try to go to school but as i would be putting on my shoes at home, i’d have a panic attack and call in sick. i know that in order to get out of it, you need to push yourself to do things you don’t want to do but i had no energy to do that anymore. school was the root of my problems and it didn’t allow me a break to sort myself out. so i just kept going even though it felt like a piece of me was dying after each day that went. i’ve been away so much at school that i haven’t made many friends so i feel kind of invisible and pointless there. but some of my classmates have been really kind to me but i don’t fully tell them about how i’m feeling so they don’t really understand why it can go two weeks without me showing up at school.
at this very moment, i am still depressed and i don’t have any love left for myself and my anxiety has drained me and i haven’t been to school for more than a week now. i’m on autopilot right now in order to make it to the finishing mark. i only have two weeks left of school now and i don’t ever have to go back again. me out of all people. i actually fucking made it. i’m getting checked out for my concentration disabilities, i have a job for the summer and i’m going to be free. in two weeks i can start to love and care for myself again.
so many people thought i’d drop out or kill myself but i didn’t.
in two weeks i will have something that proves to myself that i may have struggled internally for 13 years but i still fucking made it out alive.

ok cool i’m glad i got that out there.

*whispers “the Chantry was a sociopolitical institution that maintained power through threats of Exalted Marches, had two standing armies that it kept in check through combinations of indoctrination, confinement and addiction and edited its own holy text in order to further the oppression of elves, relied on upholding multiple systems of oppression in order to further its own power, and deserved to fall apart as wholly as possible” into the distance*

apropos of nothing here’s my face

these pics look good so why not

me looking pretty

me looking normal

my entire hair! It used to be longer but i had it trimmed recently