eating disoder recovery

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The photo on the left was taken 4 years ago and the one on the right was taken today. I don’t really have any photos of me at my highest weight but the one on the left is pretty close to it. In the photo on the left I was struggling with bulimia and depression. Today I am happy and healthy and no longer struggle with an eating disorder. I don’t know what I weigh, I don’t obsess over calories, I don’t binge, I don’t purge, and I don’t cut. Recovery IS possible.

Eating disorders are so irritating because one day you could be laughing, eating a pint of ice cream and 7 pieces of pizza with your friends, thinking you’re completely recovered and then the next you could be crying in the bathroom wanting to purge because you ate a salad for dinner. 

AKA saying things like “WHAT is going on with you!?” or “you ate that last week with no problem at all!” to someone who is affected by an eating disorder will not do any good. If you’re confused about their actions… imagine what it’s like to be the one feeling like they’re less than everyone else because of how back and forth they feel. Living with an eating disorder is already stressful enough, and pointing out the unsteadiness makes it all the more overwhelming. 

I didnt realize I really had an eating disorder when I cried because my mom said my tummy was too pudgy.

I didnt realize I had an eating disorder when I stayed up all night working out in my room and researching new work outs.

I didn’t realize I had an eating disorder when I cut myself because my hips arent curvy and because I have lines on my stomach from sitting down.

I didnt realize I had an eating disorder when I used Cassie’s method of distraction from the series Skins UK.

I didnt realize I had an eating disorder when I threw away my food.

I didnt realize I had an eating disorder when I filled up my calorie intake notebook.

I didn’t realize I had an eating disorder when i was wearing corsets to make myself feel smaller.

Killing and hurting my body isnt what made me realize I had an eating disorder.
I realized I had an eating disorder when the most important person to me BEGGED me to eat. Seeing that i was hurting someone I loved more than anything by hurting myself is what made me realize I had an eating disorder.

So just remember that when you feel worthless, and you want to kill yourself, starve yourself, or harm yourself, you’re hurting those who DO love you. You ARE loved. Even if you dont see it, I promise you that you’re loved.

—  (via desidino)