The Harris's Foam Corner Joke Masterpost

Here are all of the jokes from Harris’s Phone/Foam Corner 

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Here’s my pitch, ready? It’s Schwarzenegger and it’s Emma Thompson, okay? He gets pregnant, and has the baby at the end of act 1, that baby: Danny Devito.

Now what we’ve got is Danny Devito in a diaper, running around like crazy, he’s all misshapen and troll-like because of the drug, so we believe it. The drug caused him to be more advanced, he’s totally verbal, and you watch the C-section happen where he comes out of Arnold’s stomach like an alien chest-burster or whatever, or in that episode of It’s Always Sunny when he emerged naked from the sofa, it’s just like that only pretend that’s Arnold’s belly, and that’s it!

That’s the movie: a straight-laced scientist and a womanizing man trying to raise a monster baby, played by Danny Devito. HOME. RUN. MOVIE. Eat shit.

—  Jason Mantzoukas pitches an alternate version of Junior (x)